Page 132 of Fly with Me

“About Jacob’s will. The release of his money.”

Olive swallowed. Grief was a hollow place. An emptiness inside her. He’d been dying as she’d been obsessing over her night with Stella. Shouldn’t she have felt it somehow? Like some cosmic rattling of her entire world?

“I don’t care about the money, Dad.”

Her father’s silence was somehow crueler than her mother’s spite. “Heather’s already set up a meeting with the priest to discuss the service.”

“For the funeral?” Olive pressed a hand to her forehead to try to calm her thoughts.

“Yes, Olive, the funeral.” Her father grunted. “Your mother’s been holding out hope all this time. She knows you haven’t.”

“I—It’s not that I didn’t have—”

“The service will be next week. Heather will probably send out an email to everyone in the family about the details.”

Everyone in the family. Like Olive was a third cousin or some other distant relative.

A spark of anger crackled like a log on a fire snapping in two. Jake didn’t want a religious funeral. “Jake wouldn’t have wanted that. He didn’t want a Catholic funeral. He wasn’t Catholic. Don’t you all care what was in his will? He left instructions. He said he wanted—”

“I don’t think your mother thought cremating him and sprinkling his ashes on some lake somewhere while reading a poem was a legitimate arrangement.” His tone was almost businesslike, but the tremble in his voice was unlike anything Olive had ever heard from him. “It’s very important that your mother has this closure. Her faith has been very important to her during this time.” Since the accident, her mother had clung so tightly to her religion, Olive barely recognized her mom anymore. There was almost a desperation in her father’s tone. Why couldn’t he just be honest with her?

“Crater Lake was his favorite place in the whole world. That was important to Jake.”

“The family deserves a chance to say goodbye with the appropriate setting.”

“I’m his family too. I want to honor his wishes. Some big-deal Catholic funeral isn’t what he wanted.”

“If you’re concerned about the expenses, your mother and I will be paying for everything.”

“Jesus Christ, Dad. What’s wrong with you? Can you just not sound like a robot for a second.”

“Don’t take that tone with me.” Anger. No. Fury. “What’s wrong with me? My son—my son is gone.” His voice broke. “My wife—your mother—she’s fading away. I’m just trying to give her what she needs right now…” He paused as if he needed a second to collect himself. Was he crying? “I was hoping that having more time before would help her accept it…”

“Time,” Olive said, trying and failing to conceal the bitterness in her voice. She didn’t say what she wanted to say. Time for what? Time for Jake to suffer?

“If you can’t be civil, I’d prefer you didn’t attend. For your mother’s sake.”

Olive choked. “What?”

“I have to go. Your sister will be in touch. The lawyer will be too.”

“Yeah, well. Bye.” Olive ended the call, hanging up before she could tell her bereaved father to go fuck himself.

She picked up the magazines and stacked them on the table. She grabbed a pillow off the couch and screamed into it until pain burned in her throat. She didn’t feel better. Her body couldn’t decide how to feel. Sad. Yes. She was so, so sad. But she’d been sad for a year. Rage at her parents was the most obvious emotion. Relieved? Not exactly the right word, but she was glad Jake wasn’t suffering anymore. Did that relief make her a monster? All of it jumbled inside her. And numbness. It didn’t feel real. When would it feel real?

Would she need to see the empty bed at the care facility?

She sat on the ground. Gus ambled over and put his head in her lap. He seemed subdued tonight. Like some part of him knew.

“I’m s-sorry, big guy.” Olive wiped her nose with her shoulder and continued to pet him. “I know you miss him. I do too.” A tear slid down Olive’s nose and landed on Gus’s coat.

“I’m out of the shower, Olive,” called Stella’s musical voice from the next room.

Olive jumped to standing.

She’d forgotten she wasn’t alone in the apartment.

The party.