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“No. And that’s not what happened; you know it. Because I would’ve understood that you were going through something and that it might keep you from me sometimes.”

“It didn’t, specifically,” Eliza said. “My appointments were twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. I could’ve visited you, or you could’ve visited me. But the more I went to my sessions, the more worried I became about losing you. It was like dealing with what had happened back then made me more worried about my current relationships somehow. I called my mom a lot, checking on her and asking her to check in with me when she got home from work. I told her to make sure to lock the doors. I was scared I’d lose her, too. Then, I’d think about losing you, and it was like I couldn’t breathe.”

“Oh, El,” Lydia said and cupped Eliza’s cold cheek.

“It was easier to push you away, okay?”

“This counselor sounds like she needed some more training.”

“It takes time,” Eliza said with a smile. “To work through it all. And I’d been keeping things in for so long that it took a while for me. I think I’mstillworking on it.”

“And you didn’t think you could tell me?”

“I felt myself pulling away, but I couldn’t stop it. I felt horrible, but I kept doing it until finally, we were fighting on the phone, and I suggested that we should break up. We just ended, and I actually felt this pressure lifting because now, I could focus on school and therapy and not worry about disappointing my girlfriend and best friend.”

“You didn’t disappoint me,” Lydia told her.

“Can we just talk about something else?” she requested. “We’re supposed to be celebrating your birthday.”

“Eliza, it’s thirty-one. I don’t care. I just wanted to hang out with you.”

“I’m here. We’re hanging out.”

Lydia rolled her eyes and said, “We should just get some sleep. The falls are four miles away, and you’re not much of a hiker, so it’ll take us all day to get there.”

“Hey!”

“Am I wrong?”

“No,” Eliza said with a small laugh. “Are we okay?”

When Lydia tilted her head back and forth as if she were considering, Eliza bit her bottom lip in anticipation because if Lydia said no, Eliza didn’t know what she’d do.

“We’re okay. It was a long time ago. We were young, and you had things you needed to work through. Now, I do think weshouldjust get some sleep.”

Lydia rolled over, away from Eliza, and burrowed into her sleeping bag. Eliza rolled onto her back then and stared up into the blackness again. It was nights like this that the nightmares often returned. Nightlights were a requirement in her house. She had them in every hallway and every room, along with two in her bedroom. The darkness made her think back to that night, and that night changed her entire life for the worse.

That Night

“Eliza, will you get the firewood, please?” her mother requested. “We need enough to get us through the night. How was it a good idea to rent a log cabin in the middle of nowhere when it only has a fireplace to keep us warm?”

“I thought it would be fun, roughing it for a few nights,” her father said. “It’s pretty warm in here already. It’s summer. It’s not supposed to be this cold.”

“You’re always hot. Mom and I are always cold,” Eliza replied, laughing. “And we’re in the mountains: it’s cold in the summer when you’re up this high.”

“Well, I think the money we pay for that private school education is working for her,” her father said with a smile. “Are you not having any fun at all? I know your friends went to beaches and are probably swimming every day.”

“No, I’m having fun. I just wish I could have brought someone with me. It’s kind of lonely up here.”

“It’s just a few days. Then, we’ll get you home, and you can hang out with your friends,” her mom replied. “Now, firewood?”

“I’ll get it,” her father offered. “You stay in here, where it’s warm.” He wrapped an arm around Eliza and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, kiddo.”

“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“I know. I know. Just give me this, okay?”

“Fine,” she replied.