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We aren’t finished.
“Fuck.” I growl it out loud, jamming my thumbs against the screen of my cell, pounding out a text, practically hard enough to crack the screen.
Me:I’m fine.
Overslept.
On my way.
It’sa lie and he’ll know it. Patrick isn’t just my cousin, he’s my business partner. He’s family. He knows me better than anyone.
I don’t oversleep.
I’m never late.
I’m Mr. Measure twice and then measure again, just to be sure.
He saw me yesterday. Last night. He knows I’m not okay. That I’ve been in a tailspin over Tess for a while now. That I’ve been fighting a losing battle for the past nine years and I’ve finally worn thin.
That I’m tired of trying.
Patrick:It’s okay. Con
And Hen are here. Just
Stay put. We’ll talk later.
I almost do what he says. Almost toss my phone. Crack a fresh bottle and crawl back into bed.
Fuck it, right?
I deserve a day. Just one motherfucking day to do what I want to do.
Not what I have to do.
Not what I should do.
I’m getting ready to sacrifice the rest of my goddamned life in an effort to do the right thing.
I deserve a day.
Just one.
What I want.
Just this once.
Tess.
Always Tess.
I don’t deserve her.
No amount of justification can convince me of that.
But I want her.
That’s the thought that pushes me up and into the shower. Goads me into getting dressed. Forces me to gather up the clothes she left scattered like buckshot around my apartment.
But I want her.
I try not to think about what I’m doing.
Why.
I just keep pretending that I’m one of the good guys. That my intentions are honorable. That I have a conscience.
When everyone around me knows that nothing could be further from the truth.