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“I’m a hummingbird,” Tess says, stirring her milkshake, stopping mid-bob when she realizes what she just said.
It’s what her mom used to call her.
“I have a fast metabolism,” she clarifies, giving Tina a smile that looked forced.
“Well you’re lucky.” Tina says, seemingly oblivious to Tess’s struggle. “Wish I could eat milkshakes and pizza all day.” She laughs, shooting me a nervous glance before setting the rest of Tess’s order on the table in front of her. “What can I get you, Dec?” Like everyone else in this goddamned town, Tina is firmly Team Conner when it comes to Tess. That means, like Nora, she’s in the throes of a moral quandary right about now. The fact that my little brother isn’t already here, flipping over tables and calling me out is more than mildly surprising.
“I’m not sure—give me a few minutes,” I answer her, even though I’m still looking at Tess.
“Okay,” Tina says. I can catch her head bob from the corner of my eye before she flicks another nervous glance in Tess’s direction before she starts clearing empty dishes from the table between us. “You want a to-go box for your pie, Tess?” She sounds hopeful when she says it. Like she’s opening a window and urging Tess to jump through it.
“Nope.” Tess rescues her fork from one of her cleared plates before settling back into her seat. “I’m fine, right where I am.”
“Alright then.” Another head bob and now the nervous look gets divided equally between the two of us. “I’ll be back with some coffee.”
“No rush,” I tell her, the corner of my mouth lifting just a bit. “I’m not going anywhere.”
As soon as Tina is gone, Tess focuses on the plate in front of her, turning it this way and that, like she’s looking for the perfect place to start. Finally, she finds a spot of crust that’s perfectly baked and stabs it with her fork.
“You’re imagining that’s my neck, aren’t you?”
She flips her gaze up to my face before refocusing on her plate. “Don’t you have a job?”
I don’t have a job. I have a multi-million dollar construction business to run. That’s where I should be. Instead, I’m here. The plan was to grab a quick bite before letting Jessica drag me around town for the afternoon. That changed when I realized Tess was here without her usual guard dogs.
“Beauty of being your own boss.” I settle back in my seat, giving Tina room to fill my empty mug with coffee when she pops back up with a fresh pot. “Thanks, Tina.” I shoot her a quick smile. “I’ll need a few more minutes to decide.”
“Decide?” She looks confused. “You don’t want an omelet?”
“Not today.”
Neither of us says another word until Tina leaves.
“What do you want, Declan?” She says it to the pie in front of her, lips pressed together so tight, she can barely get the words out.
What do I want?
A second chance to get it right.
To be happy.
You.
All the things I can’t have.
Everything I don’t deserve.
I look down at the paper placemat in front of me, printed with the daily specials and pretend to study it. “Well, I always get the Denver omelet with extra peppers, but I’m thinking maybe—”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
When I glance up, she’s looking right at me, her hazel eyes, a little more green than brown, wide and wounded. I hate that I did that to her. That I hurt her. That I keep hurting her but I can’t seem to stop.
Because I can’t stay away from her.
Because what I want and what I can have are two completely different things.
“I want to be able to talk to you without feeling like I’m committing a fucking crime, for starters.” I say it louder than I have to, considering she’s only three feet away from me. People look up from their plates and away from each other, they’re gazes landing squarely on me before looking away again. When something as big as me gets loud, it’s human nature to look away. To not draw attention to yourself. To make yourself as small and as invisible as possible.