Page 100

Tess
We don’t stop.We fuck all afternoon, like a couple of horny teenagers, until it’s dark outside and neither of us can move. Until I start to worry that Conner is going to come home and find his best friend and his brother naked in the back of a truck.
But I don’t want to move because I don’t want to do what comes next. So, I just lie here, Declan’s little spoon, and pretend.
I pretend that the last nine years never happened. That we have a daughter together and he loves her as much as I do. That we live in his cottage on the Cape like he said we would. That when he said forever, he meant it.
The thought makes it impossible to breathe. Makes me feel like I’m drowning and I push myself up, gasping for air.
I feel his hand on my back, brushing my hair out of the way so he can trace his fingers along my spine. The ink tattooed into my skin, and I close my eyes, letting him soothe me. Pretending for just a while longer.
“Bad dream again?” he murmurs softly, his voice edged with concern.
I draw my legs up and tuck my knees under my chin. “Again?” I say, looking at him over my shoulder. I can see his face, bathed in the light of the street lamp, pushing its way through the garage’s high-set windows but his eyes are dark. Unreadable.
“You used to have them sometimes when we…” He looks away from me, his brow pushed low over his eyes, unable to say it out loud.
When we were together.
He clears his throat. “Anyway, I always figured they were about your mom.”
My mom.
Hearing him talk about her reminds me of the day of her funeral. The way he sat next to me on his back porch and held me while I cried. How he made me feel.
Safe.
Seen.
Understood.
It was a lie then, just like it’s a lie now.
Everything that comes out of Declan’s mouth is a lie. I need to remember that.
I reach back and push his hand away. “We’re not going to talk about my mother.”
His brow pushes into a frown at my tone. “Why?” When I don’t answer him, he sits up and he’s suddenly looming over me. “What? You can talk to Ryan about her but not me?”
My mouth falls open for a second before I snap it shut. I want to ask him how he knows that but I don’t. Instead I answer his question.
“Yes.”
It’s like I hit him. He jerks back, his neck stiff. Jaw tight.
I don’t stop.
I keep swinging.
“Ryan is my friend.” I look up at him, watching every word land like a blow. “He’s always been my friend. He’s never hurt me. Never lied—”
“Stop.” His voice is low. Quiet.
“I never gave myself to him. Never loved him.”
“Stop it, Tess.”
“He never took from me. Made me promises he had no intention of kee—”