Page 53 of Desserts for Stressed People

After all, he might have backed off at the last minute. Maybe he created the profile, and he chatted with girls, but this is the first time he’s actually agreed to meet one of them. And maybe he realized it’s a mistake and left, deleted his RadaR profile and is home waiting for me with an apology and a bouquet of roses. It wouldn’t fix things, but it’d be better than the alternative.

My heart flutters, waiting. But he’s nowhere to be seen.

A mix of relief and disappointment washes over me. I’m already late, so he should be here, right? Unless—did he change his mind? Maybe thiswasthe first time, and he couldn’t go through with it.

I take out my phone, and a red notification with a bright orange flame tells me I have a message.

Can’t make it. Next time?

So...he did change his mind. He’s not coming. Does this mean he loves me? Maybe that he wants to fix things? And why does that sound even worse than the alternative?

Chapter14

A Coffee Accident

When I get home,Alex isn’t there. And I don’t know what to think. Maybe heisplaying football, and he planned to meet Nevaeh, but changed his mind. All I know is that I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until I see him, so I can try to make sense of this situation.

I sit on the couch and read. Hours go by, and I can hardly focus on the words. Finally, I give up and turn the TV on. When that doesn’t distract me either, I begin pacing. It’s been a long, emotionally exhausting week, and the tension is finally getting to me.

My head throbs with pain by three a.m., when the door of the apartment opens and Alex comes in. “Oh,” he says, dropping the keys on the entrance furniture. “You’re awake.”

He looks distraught, his jaw taut and his eyes tired. Maybe it’s guilt—God, what if I’m right and he changed his mind? What if he confesses to everything? The thought of it makes me sick, because he might suggest we work through our differences and make up, and that’s not what I want anymore.

Not after everything he’s done, and definitely not since Shane.

“I was waiting for you. It’s so late—what happened?”

A hand over his tired face, he mumbles, “There was a problem at work.”

“At work?”

“Yeah. My boss called me the moment I stepped out of here. I had to go in and calm a lot of people down.” With a bitter chuckle, he sits on the couch and brings a hand to his sandy blond undercut. “Like I don’t have better shit to do with my time.”

Oh. So...he didn’t change his mind. He just couldn’t be at the date he set because of work. In the text, he did say “next time,” so I guess he wasn’t just saying. Therewillbe a next time. And I just spent half of the night waiting for the jerk. “Yeah? Did you have fun plans?” I mutter. Without waiting for his answer, I stride away. Unfortunately, the sound of his steps echo behind me.

“What the fuck? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I fit under the blanket, then turn the other side. Whatever, as long as I don’t have to look at him.

“Heaven?” He sits by my side. “Stop being controlling all the time. I didn’t have time to text.”

Inhaling deeply, I close my eyes and search for the last ounce of strength I have to pretend I don’t know. It’s somewhere in my brain, but everything else is so soaked in anger, I struggle to find it.

Remember what the stakes are, Heaven.

“You’re right,” I mumble through gritted teeth. Four more weeks. My credit score. He’s my problem, not my friends’. I can do this. “I’m sorry.”

He cups my shoulder and gives me a gentle squeeze. “That’s okay. I could use a load off, though, it was a shitty night. Do you want to suck me off?”

It’s like a kick to my stomach that leaves me breathless. Setting aside the fact that he’s only asking because he couldn’t see his original date, once again, the way he asks gives me the wrong type of goosebumps. Once again, he behaves as if I’m just here to please him. To tend to the apartment, cook his food, empty his testicles.

I struggle not to recoil from his touch, but I lie still. All my muscles are tense—my whole body is begging me to go. I don’t. But I also know I can’t continue like this. I can’t spend the next month feeling uneasy in my home, having to withstand his hands on me, his kisses, his requests. “No.”

With a sigh, he stands.

“Alex, my company’s sending me to a seminar,” I burst, quickly sitting up.

He opens the wardrobe. “Oh, yeah?”