Page 116 of Desserts for Stressed People

His fist moves over his mouth, and each time he blinks, breathes, swallows, I know. What I’m witnessing is his heart breaking.

It doesn’t look like there’s any relief or joy in him over the fact that his missed connection turned out to be not-so-missed after all. He’s not happy, not an ounce of relief in his distraught face at the thought that it was me all along.

Though I beg him to wait, to let me explain and to listen to me, he turns around and strides back into the office, leaving me behind.

And my heart breaks too.

Things happen around me. Olivia forces Alex to get up and leave—although I’m not sure how. All I do is stare at the glass door that Shane just slammed behind him, aware that I’ve done it. I’ve ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and it’s all my fault.

Tears cloud my eyes, wet my cheeks, and taste salty in my mouth as Olivia walks me into the elevator. I couldn’t go after him if I knew what to say, because I’m not sure my mouth works. I don’t think the words would come out, that I’d manage not to break down at the new awareness in my mind.

I ruined it. The way Shane looked at me—it’s definitely over between us. It hits me, again and again, like a knife cutting through my stomach. I lost him. I lost the best man I ever met.

* * *

When I knockon Shane’s door a few hours later, he looks up at me for a second before focusing on a stack of paper in front of him. I enter anyway and make my way to his desk, then sit.

He remains silent. No one else is in the office—I specifically waited for Marina to leave before coming here—and the only noise I hear is my own heart beating uncontrollably in my chest.

“Shane, can we talk?”

“No.”

I swallow, but my mouth remains dry. “Wehaveto talk. If you need time, I understand, but—”

He keeps his eyes on the screen. “I don’t need time. We’re done.”

He doesn’t mean it. He’s just angry and disappointed. There is no way he means it, and if he does, I won’t accept it. “Shane, I know I shouldn’t have—”

“Heaven, look at me.” I already am, so I sit still. “We’re done. Get out of my office.”

I freeze. I don’t know what to do. He can’t possibly want to break up with me without hearing what I have to say about this. Can he? He can’t be shutting me out again. Hepromisedhe wouldn’t. “You’re angry, and you have every right to be. But are you seriously going to put an end to us?” I swallow a sob, forcing the words out. “Our relationship isn’t a lie. The last six weeks haven’t been a lie.”

His eyes scroll through the page in front of him. “That’s the thing with lies, though. Once you’re caught in one, your word is worth nothing.”

His tone slices me open, but I try to keep my tears at bay. He says things he doesn’t mean when he’s angry. And he puts up this mask to pretend like nothing and no one can hurt him. But that’s the whole problem, right there. I’ve hurt him.

“We just need to talk about it. Not now, if you don’t want to. But tomorrow?”

He shakes his head slowly, then looks straight into my eyes—more, he digs into my soul. “No, Heaven. No.”

Tears finally spill out. I can’t hold them anymore. I don’t know what to say to convince him to give me a chance. Nothing comes to mind, aside from begging.

When an entire minute passes, and I’m still sitting on his chair and crying, he looks up at me and points at the door, then focuses back on the paper.

With my whole body shaken by sobs, I walk away, knowing I deserve this and more.

What Idon’tdeserve is him. Him and dessert.

Chapter30

No One Benches Heaven

I wakeup in a bed without Shane. It sucks. Not in the sense that it’s bad, but in the sense that it literally sucks the joy out of me. More so when I realize that I’ve woken up because Billy is calling me.

“Hello?” I grouch as I press the green button on my screen.

“Hi, Heav! How are you? You weren’t sleeping, were you?”