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I nod because I’m too broken to speak.
“I’m not equipped to be a father.” His concerned eyes bore into mine.
I flinch and pull away. I knew he’d feel this way. Hell, I feel this way. I’m not equipped to be anything to anyone else. I’m solo. Always and forever. Only, now that’s all changed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
He grabs my arm and turns me back around. His voice goes low. It’s rusty and hard like an old hinge. “You’re sorry?”
“I knew you’d be upset.”
He shoves a hand into his thick hair. “I’m not upset. I’m in shock.”
What?!? You?
“Well, how do you think I feel?”
He huffs out a breath as he drops his hands to his hips. “I can’t imagine.”
Throwing my own hands into the air, I half shout. “I don’t know how to be a mother.”
Forever, he just looks at me. Then his frown slowly turns to a grin. “Well, once upon a time I didn’t know how to be a surgeon. And you didn’t know how to be a badass spy girl. Guess we’ve got to figure it out.”
“Are you crazy?”
“No more than you.”
“Look, Scotch, I understand that you’d not be the settling down kind or whatever they say in America.”
“Damn right I’m not. But I’m pretty sure you’re not the settling down kind either.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m not.”
He takes a step toward me. “Well, more than one child has been raised in unconventional ways. I mean, look at you. You turned out perfect.”
I blink and look away as tears make my lashes glisten in the firelight. “Perfect. I’m far from it.”
He wraps me up from behind, pulling me against his thick chest. His lips are against my ear when he whispers. “Perfect for me. Perfect to be the mother of my child.”
With my heart walking a tightrope, I ask what I’m dying to know, “You’re happy about this?”
“Fuck, yes. I’m happy. I love the fact that you’ve got my seed growing inside of you. I never knew how I’d feel. But now I know. And I’m over the damned moon.” He spreads his big palm over my stomach as his warmth surrounds me.
I fight to control the sobs that want to escape my chest. Fear. Joy. Overwhelm. It’s all bottled up inside of me.
After a minute, he laughs as his scruff rubs against my cheek. “Man. Our world is about to get crazy.”
As if it wasn’t crazy enough already.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
The fire is roaring again after I add some logs. “So, are we laying low here for a few days? Sounds like Josef’s got the place stocked.”
Simona shrugs and wraps a wool blanket more tightly around herself. “I don’t know. I just sort of needed a place to get my head together.”
She holds the blanket back for me, welcoming me, when I return to the couch. She’s all soft, and warm, and snugly beneath, and all I can think about is keeping her naked for a few days. “I could see us staying here for a while.”
Her little grin turns naughty. “That could be fun. I mean… if it’s safe to have sex while I’m p-pregnant.”