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I head into the kitchen and search through my cupboards. I’m sure Felicity left some chamomile tea here once. She tells me it’s calming.

Lifting the lid on the box, I open two paper pouches, stick them in my cup, and fill it with boiling water. It looks like actual piss. “What is wrong with her?”

Taking a sip, I hold the dreadful taste in my mouth before spitting it into the sink. “Blah!”

Wait, can I even have that shit when pregnant? Snatching up my phone, I begin frantically scouring the internet. “Shit.” Chamomile is not recommended. Once again, I begin to panic, tears pricking in my eyes. I have no idea what I’m doing here.

I hit dial on my doctor’s office number.

“Good afternoon,” the receptionist greets me in a breezy tone.

“Hi, um, it’s Kate Monroe here. I came in to see Dr. Radwanska earlier.”

“Yes, I remember. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, no, well, I don’t know.” I panic. “I need to ask her a question, and I’m wondering if she’s available?”

“She’s very busy today, but let me pass on a message to her. Is it urgent?”

“I don’t know,” I squeak out. “Maybe.”

“Okay, Ms. Monroe. I’ll get right on it and pass the message along.”

Ending the call, I pace my kitchen and then living space, all the while tapping my phone against my hip.

It must be ten minutes when my phone buzzes in my hand, the call from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hello Kate, it’s Doctor Radwanska. I’m returning your call.”

Relief floods me. “Thank you for getting back to me, and I’m sorry to bother you.”

“It’s fine, Kate. Don’t worry. Is anything wrong?”

I run a worried palm across my forehead. “I drank some chamomile tea. Well, more spat it out. Then I checked online, and it says it could be dangerous for the baby, and I don’t know what to do.”

I’vealwaysknown what to do. Always had a plan for everything. Not this time, and my stomach knots with anxiety.

“Well it sounds like you didn’t drink any, but please do not be concerned. Everything is fine. I was just in the middle of emailing you over some information and recommended reading to help you through your pregnancy.”

Pregnancy. I’m pregnant.

“Okay, t-that’s great, thanks.”

Hold it together, Kate. Always. Hold. It. Together.

No one wants to deal with unhappy, crying people.Just like my parents have always told me.

“I promise you it’s all going to be okay,” Doctor Radwanska reassures me a final time.

“Yeah, I’ve got this.” But reality couldn’t be any further from that.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

KATE

On Saturday afternoon, I push through the door to Luigi’s Italian. It’s our group’s favorite place to eat, and as I locate a very smiley Luna and a very tanned Felicity, I can’t help wondering if this was the place Jensen booked.