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“Cut the crap and tell me what’s wrong.”
Is something wrong? “Covert relations.” I cringe. That was so dumb.
“Is that how you refer to the women in your life now?” Ward chuckles and a small ache in my chest lessens.
“No, because I can’t have women in my life. You know that.”
“Is that in the handbook?” Ward asks.
“I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a handbook.”
“Does it really say you can’t date, can’t be happy?”
I know agents who have families. But the lies they must have to tell them is something I can’t reconcile with. My father lied to my mother nonstop. He broke her more with each one. It doesn’t escape my notice that even though I never wanted to be like my criminal father, I chose a path that requires as much dishonesty as his.
“Or is this about your dad?” Ward asks.
Did I say that out loud?
“Nothing is about my dad,” I grunt and finally make myself pull out of Amelia’s apartment complex. Without so much as a glance, okay, two glances back.
“Good. I’d hate to see you become someone you despise without even realizing it.”
A chill creeps up my spine. “Why’d I call you again?”
“I’m wondering the same thing.”
“When I remember I’ll call you back,” I say, ready to hang up.
“You’re not him. You know that, right?” My friend's voice is softer, gentler, the kind of compassionate tone that comes with parenthood.
Of course, I know that. My mom’s broken-hearted voice filters through my mind. Just like your father. Why can I remember that, but not the sound of her laugh? Because that one phrase hurts the most. I’ve spent the entirety of my adulthood trying to prove those words wrong but I'm not sure I ever will.
Chapter 23
Amelia
“So, I’ve been doing some digging on this case I’m not supposed to know anything about.”
My dogs look up at me, patiently listening if it will result in a treat for them.
“I know. You don’t have to give me the silent treatment. This isn’t my jurisdiction. But lives are at stake, and you know I live to save people.”
Gus tilts his head toward me. “Okay, I aim to save people from making bad hair decisions but it’s kind of the same thing.”
Gus is unconvinced.
“Don’t give me that look. You know I’d make a great detective.”
Shawn whines. Okay, I’ll be the first to admit I lack all the necessary skills to be a police officer.
“You’re a terrible support system, you know that?” If only I could talk to Maddie, or even Connor, about this. They went to law school. Maybe they’d have a sneaky way of gaining access to classified things.
If I can’t talk to them, and Caleb refuses to tell me anything, I’m going to have to get creative.
What would Shawn Spencer do?
First: something stupid.