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He shakes his head. “How are you?”
“Better than Iraq.” Something laces my voice; Amelia must pick up on it too.
“Hey Crew, want to come see my room?” she asks him.
“You’re at the hospital too? First Mom, then you and Caleb. Can I get a room at the hospital, Dad?”
“Wait, what?” I look at Ward. “Lyndi is here?”
“Lyndi had the baby yesterday.” He beams.
“And she’s the cuuutesst!” Crew chimes in.
“Well, what are we doing here?” Amelia throws her hands to the sky. “Let’s go see that cute baby, then you can see my room.”
“Okay!” Crew cheers and skips out of the room with her on his heels.
Ward takes the empty chair beside my bed. “Sorry, I wasn’t here last night. I did stop by, but you were um…” He fights a smile but loses. “Busy.”
I knew someone had walked in last night. “It’s fine.”
“Really?”
I heave a sigh, playing with the edge of the gauze. “When I was hit in Iraq, I worried I wouldn't make it home and I'd die, proving to my mom I was like my father. I think I've always been a scared little boy hoping someone will stay, and after Mom died, I gave up hope of anyone staying at all.”
“Dude, what am I? A bedpan?” He snorts.
“You know what I mean. I thought it would be easier if I pushed people away first before my heart got involved.”
“I get it. You’re scared. We’re all scared of something, man. I didn’t want to weigh Lyndi down with my past. But sharing it with her made me free. Those women are stronger than you think. So are you.”
I purse my lips. “But how did you put the past and your fears behind you for good?”
“I didn’t. I dealt with some in therapy, which I highly recommend, but some worries will always be there. I just decided I’m strong enough to deal with them when they pop up instead of letting them control me. And Lyndi helps with the rest.”
It sounds too good to be true.
“You like her,” Ward says.
“More than like her.”
“My best advice: let yourself feel it. The good and the bad. Deal with things as they come. Not as you imagine they will be.”
“I want to.” Even if it ends in complete disaster. I have a feeling being hurt by Amelia would be a privilege. It’s time to be like my mother and stay. My mom was broken by my dad time and time again, but she picked up the pieces and took them one day at a time, always choosing me.
I can take it one day at a time.
“Do you want to see baby Annie? I brought a wheelchair.”
“I can walk.” I shift my body out of bed, but even that requires more energy than I currently have. “On second thought, that would be great.”
Ward wheels me to the labor and delivery department, and I can hear Amelia and Crew’s squeals of delight from down the hall. But seeing her with Crew and the baby gives me a glimpse into a possible future. Maybe things won’t work out between us, but I’ll risk the heartbreak. I’ll risk everything for a chance at a future like this.
“Caleb, look!” Amelia brings the tiny infant closer to me. “I told Lyndi we can babysit whenever.”
We. I like the sound of that.
“Sounds good to me.” She sounds good to me.