Page 40
Story: Darling Obsession
The next lie slides out easily. “It’s Allison, but Darla is an old nickname.” I wander over to one of the plush armchairs facing Savannah’s desk and sit down. “She likes to be called Quinn, her middle name.”
“Why Darla?” Savannah inquires. Innocently, I think.
I anticipated this question. “I don’t know. She told me once. Something about… darling? It sounds like Darla, maybe? I wasn’t paying attention.”
Savannah laughs under her breath. “Sounds like you.”
I am a proficient liar. It’s not something I’m proud of, it’s just a fact.
And my family is proficient at butting into my personal life, wherever they can. It doesn’t surprise me that they’ve already done their research on “Darla.” After hearing that she works at Velvet, Savannah probably had her head of security, Peter, lookinto her immediately, pull her employee file and her background check.
It’s what we do. None of us trust outsiders easily. Which is why I no longer introduce my siblings to any women I might get involved with.
Just look at the disaster when they found out—before I did—that Chelsea was cheating on me. My family didn’t stop gossiping about it until long after the relationship ended.
It’s like they truly believe my love life is somehow their business.
“What’s going on with you?” Savi scrutinizes me. “You’re especially twitchy today. As you were at dinner.”
I stop picking at the bracelet in my pocket. “So?” I say flatly.
She frowns.
Twitchy is one way to put it.
It started creeping in after the dinner, when I stayed up way too late going over and over the events of the evening. What Quinn did, said, wore, how she ate, the way she laughed. Was she a convincing Darla?
It only really hit me Monday morning when I found myself unable to concentrate on work that it was starting.
Or maybe it started when she walked into my office with a cake.
Or when she served me drinks at Velvet.
Or when I saw those photos of her sucking face with her boss outside his apartment.
Or when Manus first gave me her name, and I pulled her employee file.
I don’t even know.
But I’ve been down this road before. Never over a woman, exactly. It’s not about her anyway. It’s about the lie she told for me, and my fear that the truth will be discovered. I think.
All I know for sure is that poring over information about her, looking at pictures of her, and even thinking about her is triggering the “reward pathways” in my brain, and—if I keep doing it—will become habit forming. Therefore, thinking about her will lead to obsessing about her, and obsessing about her equals literally overthinking about her.
It’s a cycle for whichviciousis not an adequate descriptor.
I’ve always thought of my obsessive disorder like a flesh-eating disease for the mind. If I’m not careful, I’ll be losing more sleep to it, losing my appetite, losing countless hours of my life as it spreads, killing my ability to focus on anything else.
“So, Darla… Quinn… was rather impressive at dinner,” my sister prompts, still studying me. Like she’s waiting for me to go on. But what more is there to say? I’ve never felt the need to fill the silence in a room. And she was the one who wanted to talk to me, right?
“That cake she made was divine,” she goes on. “I’d order some for the gala if the whole situation weren’t so… problematic…”
Again, she seems to be waiting for me to pick that up where she left off.
I don’t.
“She’s very pretty. Well-spoken. Vivacious. And she handled our questions without breaking much of a sweat. She was… effervescent.”
Agreed. She was far too bubbly for my liking.
“Why Darla?” Savannah inquires. Innocently, I think.
I anticipated this question. “I don’t know. She told me once. Something about… darling? It sounds like Darla, maybe? I wasn’t paying attention.”
Savannah laughs under her breath. “Sounds like you.”
I am a proficient liar. It’s not something I’m proud of, it’s just a fact.
And my family is proficient at butting into my personal life, wherever they can. It doesn’t surprise me that they’ve already done their research on “Darla.” After hearing that she works at Velvet, Savannah probably had her head of security, Peter, lookinto her immediately, pull her employee file and her background check.
It’s what we do. None of us trust outsiders easily. Which is why I no longer introduce my siblings to any women I might get involved with.
Just look at the disaster when they found out—before I did—that Chelsea was cheating on me. My family didn’t stop gossiping about it until long after the relationship ended.
It’s like they truly believe my love life is somehow their business.
“What’s going on with you?” Savi scrutinizes me. “You’re especially twitchy today. As you were at dinner.”
I stop picking at the bracelet in my pocket. “So?” I say flatly.
She frowns.
Twitchy is one way to put it.
It started creeping in after the dinner, when I stayed up way too late going over and over the events of the evening. What Quinn did, said, wore, how she ate, the way she laughed. Was she a convincing Darla?
It only really hit me Monday morning when I found myself unable to concentrate on work that it was starting.
Or maybe it started when she walked into my office with a cake.
Or when she served me drinks at Velvet.
Or when I saw those photos of her sucking face with her boss outside his apartment.
Or when Manus first gave me her name, and I pulled her employee file.
I don’t even know.
But I’ve been down this road before. Never over a woman, exactly. It’s not about her anyway. It’s about the lie she told for me, and my fear that the truth will be discovered. I think.
All I know for sure is that poring over information about her, looking at pictures of her, and even thinking about her is triggering the “reward pathways” in my brain, and—if I keep doing it—will become habit forming. Therefore, thinking about her will lead to obsessing about her, and obsessing about her equals literally overthinking about her.
It’s a cycle for whichviciousis not an adequate descriptor.
I’ve always thought of my obsessive disorder like a flesh-eating disease for the mind. If I’m not careful, I’ll be losing more sleep to it, losing my appetite, losing countless hours of my life as it spreads, killing my ability to focus on anything else.
“So, Darla… Quinn… was rather impressive at dinner,” my sister prompts, still studying me. Like she’s waiting for me to go on. But what more is there to say? I’ve never felt the need to fill the silence in a room. And she was the one who wanted to talk to me, right?
“That cake she made was divine,” she goes on. “I’d order some for the gala if the whole situation weren’t so… problematic…”
Again, she seems to be waiting for me to pick that up where she left off.
I don’t.
“She’s very pretty. Well-spoken. Vivacious. And she handled our questions without breaking much of a sweat. She was… effervescent.”
Agreed. She was far too bubbly for my liking.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 158
- Page 159
- Page 160
- Page 161
- Page 162
- Page 163
- Page 164
- Page 165
- Page 166
- Page 167
- Page 168
- Page 169
- Page 170
- Page 171
- Page 172
- Page 173
- Page 174
- Page 175
- Page 176
- Page 177
- Page 178
- Page 179
- Page 180
- Page 181
- Page 182
- Page 183
- Page 184
- Page 185
- Page 186
- Page 187