Page 160

I’m terrified she’ll uncover the truth about Darla, and I’ll lose her over all the lies.

She wants to be properly introduced to my family—as herself—and she deserves that. She’s having my baby.

How can I expect her to play Darla forever to cover up my lies?

I can’t.

But what else can I do? Invent another Darla to play the role of my ex-lover?

My go-to solution is to just create another lie. Because in the past, that’s what I would’ve done. But my lies are just digging a deeper and deeper hole. It’s become an impossible problem I can’t solve, and I don’t know how to get out unscathed.

“I should’ve let her into the house,” I say out of nowhere.

“This is not your fault, Harlan.”

“But I took her for granted. I kept pushing her out. I just didn’t want to get attached to her. But now she’s hurt, and maybe she will die.”

“So, she’s really yours? You always said she was a stray.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t want her to be mine. But she kept showing up, and… maybe I got attached. I didn’t even want to know who owned her, because then I really would lose her.” I’ve started picking at the seam of my pant leg, my finger incessantly spelling out the word.ATTACHED. “The woman working the twenty-four-hour desk when I brought her in last night said they’d contact her owners. But she isn’t in today. I’m waiting for an update.”

“You love her,” Quinn concludes.

“She’s just a cat.”

“Then why are you sitting here looking like hell and fighting back tears in the middle of a workday?”

I know she’s right.

And for some reason, I can’t just turn off that love, even though I want to.

Fuck.

“No offense, Harlan, but you look worse than I’ve ever seen you.”

I don’t doubt it.

I don’t think I was this much of a mess when Granddad died.

Actually… I don’t think I’ve allowed myself to feel real grief or sorrow since Dad died. Nothing else has ever made me feel so helpless to my emotions. But maybe that’s because his death also felt like…

My fault.

It’s definitely not just the cat that’s made me this much of a mess.

But I don’t say so.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Quinn asks me worriedly.

“Not much.”

After driving the cat to the vet, they said I should go home and get some sleep while they took care of her and kept her overnight. I tried to sleep in a guest room so I wouldn’t bother Quinn. But the bit of sleep I did get was interrupted by the old dream.

I look at Quinn, really seeing her for the first time since she walked into the vet’s office. She looksreallyworried.

And so fucking precious.

“You look beautiful,” I tell her. “Don’t worry about me. The only ones you need to take care of right now are the baby and Lorraine.”