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It makes me really wonder what it will be like when the baby comes.

And how fucking lonely I’ll be.

Of all the things I learned while being raised by my wonderful mother, my biggest takeaway was that I never wanted to end up a single mom.

And ending up a single mom because you’ve been rejected by the baby’s father, who you’re actually falling in love with?

I can’t handle this.

“It’s about privacy,” he finally says, stiffly. “I can’t expect you to understand how important?—”

“Is it? Or is it about secrecy?”

I know he’s keeping things from his family.

But I really have no way of knowing if he’s telling me the whole truth, either.

Is he really over Geneviève? I wonder this, almost daily. Since he’s lying about her identity to protect her, maybe he still cares about her. A lot.

Is he still in contact with her?

I remember how his sister said that he was “holding out for Darla.”

Maybe he’s still holding out for her.

I don’t know what other possible reason he could have for keeping me at a distance. Other than maybe he just doesn’t like me that much.

But that’s even more painful to consider.

Maybe he doesn’t care about me as much as I want him to. Maybe he never will.

Maybe he can’t, because he’s still in love with her.

Maybe he’s not even capable of loving anyone.

Have I been totally delusional? About the bakery he offered to buy for me, and what it might actually mean? About us, somehow building a life and a family together?

“Maybe you just can’t stand the idea of me and your siblings in the same room, and everyone asking questions,” I tell him, “and the truth somehow coming out.”

“We can talk more about this when I get home tonight,” he says in a low voice. “I have to get going. I can’t be late for a dinner that’s in my honor.”

I stare at him, stunned. And hurting.

He’s really leaving without me.

“I’ll see you later,” he says.

Then he walks right out of the kitchen, to go to his birthday dinner without me.

While I stand here, decorating his surprise birthday cake, like a fool.

Home.Does he think that’s what this is?

An empty mansion, where you never let anyone in to love you?

Not even a damn cat.

I told him I had the night off, but does he really expect me to just wait here for him to come home? From the birthday celebration that I’m not welcome at?