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I tilted my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
She set down her half-empty bottle and leaned back on her hands, resting her head on one shoulder. “Settling down is not the same as settling for less. It’s resting where you know you belong. Not needing to run and chase and search anymore. It’s the best feeling ever.”
My heart swelled at the description. I wanted that. I wanted to feel at peace with someone I loved. I wanted to know that my heart was where it belonged. But there was something I still didn’t understand. “What about the passion, Mara? You were always about the hot sex and exciting adventures.”
“Cover your ears, Tess,” she laughed out. Tess chugged some more champagne instead as Mara said, “The sex is still hot. And let me tell you, there’s something to experimenting with someone who makes you feel safe.”
Safe? With Tyler, I felt terrified. Terrified of not being enough. Of being disappointing. Exhilarated. Electrified by his touch and the words he spoke about me. and then there was the fear—that all of it was too good to be true. None of that felt safe.
“What is it?” Tess asked, studying me.
I looked up at them, realizing there was one big secret I’d kept from my very best friends. Maybe it was the champagne, or maybe I was tired of the secrets, because I blurted my biggest one: “I’m a virgin.”
Champagne flew from Mara’s mouth into the hot tub, and if I wasn’t so embarrassed, I would have cackled at the stunned expression on her face.
“You’re a virgin?” she gasped. “Like you’ve never done anal before?”
Okay, now my feet and face felt hot. “I haven’t passed second base before.”
Birdie’s jaw dropped. “There’s never been anyone? Not even a high school boyfriend or a summer fling?”
I shook my head.
Tess asked, “Are you saving it for marriage?”
The laugh that passed my lips was almost bitter. “No one’s ever gotten close enough for that to be an option.”
My friends were quiet for the first time that night, and I felt shame washing over me. I was undateable. Unlikable. Cursed to be the funny fat friend for the rest of my life. And not only that, I’d taken away from Mara’s moment, yet again.
Not seeming to mind, Mara asked, “Do you think Tyler could be the one to pop that cherry? Take your v-card. Deflower that perfect little pus—”
“Mara!” I cried, laughing through my horror. Birdie and Tess were laughing too, the sound blending with the hot tub jets. But they quieted, and the question was still there. Could Tyler be the one to take my virginity?
And I nodded, because I had a feeling he could be more than my first time.
He could be the one.
Birdie’s eyes widened at a spot behind me, and she muttered, “Finally!”
I twisted to see what she was looking at and saw a guy walking toward the pool area in a suit...with silver buttons on the side of his pants.
33
Tyler
Cohen had booked a kayak tour at La Jolla Beach for Jonas’s bachelor party, and I was honored to be included. The fact that the guys treated me like one of the crew meant more than they knew.
There were five of us total, including Jonas’s brother-in-law, Derek. I could definitely see myself hanging out with someone like him back home. We rode in Derek’s minivan, which Jonas teased him mercilessly for. Apparently, Derek only had one kid, but there were hopes for more on the way soon.
We rolled up to a crowded parking lot near the beach and Cohen led us to a stand farther down the sand. They had racks of long kayaks, paddleboards, and surfboards.
When we reached the place, looking like a bunch of tourists in our swim trunks and T-shirts, a guy walked out of the shack. “Cohen?”
Cohen lifted his hand.
“Right on, right on,” he said. He looked like a complete California surf bro stereotype, from his sun-streaked hair to his tanned skin and shell necklace. “I’m Geoff—with a G—and I’ll be leading the tour today. Five singles, right?”
“We’re all married, or about to be,” Derek said. “Well, except him.”