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I fixate on loss and death and explosions, and all the while, I handle the plane like the pilot I am because this is my version of riding a bike.
When I level out, the comfort factor sets in. It’s a tangible thing. Restful, almost. I can turn off even as I’m hyperfocused. It lets me think about my breathing. Lets me recognize how big of a deal this moment is.
Mike will be fucking proud.
Funny thing is, no one else apart from him and Tee knows this is my first time flying in… Jesus.Too long.
The sick part is, by the time I land in Toronto, I’m sad about disembarking the plane. But Callan’s finally emailed me with the hotel where Zee and Tee are staying and I’m ready for anything my woman can throw at me.
She might have told her mom that we’re dating, but something’s sure as fuck going on with her and I need to fix it.
It is, I realize, my purpose. Not to fly, not to police my small town, not to be a Korhonen—I’m the Tee-whisperer, and I’m ready for it to be a full-time position.
When I make it to the hotel, the receptionist spots me and steps out from behind the desk, all smiles as he greets: “Your family returned an hour ago, sir. They’re expecting room service.”
“Thank you for the update.”
Slipping him a tip when he passes me a key card, I nod at him in thanks and stride over to the elevator.
In my hand, I fiddle with the pouch Mum gave me yesterday.
When I reach the front door, I stare at it for a few minutes as I organize the things I need to say to her.
I know I need to tell her that she never has to change for me—that her dad’s wrong, that she can be whatever she chooses to be.
I just want her to be mine.
I want Pigeon Creek to know she’s mine.
I want the fucking world to know she’s mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
The words ricochet around my head, urging me into action.
Words aren’t what she needs.
Action is.
I drop to one knee and empty the pouch Mum gave to me onto the palm of my hand before I hit the buzzer.
“Coming!” she yells. “Two minutes! One minute. No, three minutes!”
I grin, hearing her muttering about being interrupted, and then, as she tugs open the door, I see she’s wearing a face mask. It limits her field of vision, so she stares blankly at the empty space in front of her then gasps at the sight of me.
“Cody! Did you fall over? What are you doing here?” Before I can answer, she glowers at me and presses her hands to her hips. “Where the fuck have you been? Why are you sending me horrible texts that you never answer? You didn’t come to bed last night, and you disappeared from the?—”
“Tee,” I cut in over the top of her voice. “I was a jerk.”
“Damn straight you were. If you think we’re over—” Before she can finish that crazy sentence, before I can drag her over my knee to spank her for even thinking that was where this was going, she sees my hand.
Her eyes widen as Zee yells, “Tee, is that our pizza? I neeeeeeed it. I can’t get this fucking glue out of my hair—what did you put in it earlier?”
Both of us ignore her, and I take advantage of her goldfish impression to murmur, “You are crazy. You’re my Calamity Jane. You make me smile. You fill my heart with joy. You see the world differently than me. You lift me up and make me feel lighter. As if the shit I’ve done doesn’t have to pollute every breath I take because you accept me.
“You never have to marry me. You don’t have to work. You can be the next Hans Zimmer if that’s what you need. You can do anything you want to do, be anything you want to be, but please, I beg of you, wear this so that everyone knows you’re mine. So the world knows you belong to me and that I belong to you.”
She squints at me in the silence that falls between us. And just as my stomach churns at the prospect of her saying no, she purses her lips. “You’ll wear an engagement ring?”