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Chapter Twenty-Two

Jayden

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Sitting at the table, I held my coffee cup and stared down at the bagel sandwich I had bought earlier. I wasn't even blinking, just staring blankly at a small knot in the wood table.

I'm a father, a fucking father. . . This is crazy.

Just trying to grasp the concept seemed almost impossible. I didn't get nine months to let it all sink in like most new parents, there wasn't a pregnancy test, or even a frantic phone call that she missed her period. I was oblivious, completely kept in the dark. Now, out of nowhere, I'm a dad to a ten year old girl.

Poof—I'm a father.

It wasn't right to have something so important hidden from me. I wasn't a terrible person, I wasn't the worse kid in the world. The only thing I was guilty of was being a Henry.

That was enough to make her father think I wasn't worthy of his daughter or the child she was carrying. It was a punch in the gut to know I would do anything for that girl, and that was never good enough to appease her father.

I have a child now, Bliss is my daughter.

Grunting to myself, I raked my fingers through my hair and growled. There were no words, it was just a noise of frustration and anger. I was tempted to punch the wall, but that was something my father would do, and I promised myself I would never be him.

So, I did the opposite. I stayed sitting at the table, my fingers attempting to break the porcelain as they hugged the mug.

“What the hell am I going to do?” Talking out loud, I rubbed my face with my palms and stared up at the ceiling. “Where do I go from here?”

Pushing the food back across the table, I couldn't eat. My stomach was filled with knots and I couldn't think straight. There was so much running through my head.

All the time I missed with my daughter. All the years I spent alone. All the times I felt lost and drifted from place to place, because the thought of coming back to this town made me sick.

Like a smack to the face, I find out there was a reason to be there all along, that I had a family, a little girl who didn't know I existed; that shit hurt. It pissed me off that Blue and her family had kept this from me.

The back door opened and my sister poked her head in. “Hey, you all alone?”

“Yeah, I'm alone.”

“Where's Blue?” she asked, walking into the kitchen and hoping up onto the counter. Gripping the edge, my sister kicked her feet back and forth, and just stared at me.

“What?”

“I asked you where Blue was? Didn't you hear me? She was here when I left, and it sounded like you two were getting a little too comfortable in this kitchen.” Looking down at the counter, she tore her hands off and snapped her eyes back to mine. “Oh, gross, you didn't do it—”

“No, no we didn't. We did that here.” Pointing at the table, I kept a straight face.

“You're disgusting.” Scrunching her nose, she closed her eyes and made a face like she was going to throw up.

Forcing myself to laugh, I rubbed my palms against my eyes. “What a fucking day, huh?”

Should I tell her?

Beth should know, this affects her too.

“Why? What happened? Because when I left, it certainly didn't sound like anything was wrong.” Angling her head, she eyed me curiously. “You still haven't answered my question you know.”