Page 45

Why is she here?

What the hell is she doing here?

I had assumed Blue had moved away, leaving this small town behind. She had always talked about wanting more, about wanting to make a difference. You can't do that here.

Leaning over, I whispered to my sister. “Did you know she still lived here?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“You did?”

“I did—so what?”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Beth rolled her eyes up to mine, her brows dipping into the bridge of her nose. “This isn't the time or the place, but yes, I knew, and no I didn't tell you. I didn't think it mattered. As far as I knew, you didn't care about anyone here. Why would I think she was any different?”

I didn't get to respond, Beth jerked her head back to face the next person in line, igniting her thankful smile as she hugged them.

Watching Blue from the corner of my eyes, she crossed the room, making a few stops to talk to people. She was smiling, gently touching an older woman's shoulder as she said a few words. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but Blue's eyes kept coming back to mine.

I thought I was over her, I thought there was nothing left in my heart for her.

But seeing her right then, something inside me spilled open. A cold shiver ran down my spine, my head began to spin, and my muscles buzzed. A knot formed in my stomach, and my chest was getting tighter and tighter.

Those weren't the feelings of someone who felt nothing. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to calm my body down.

It's fine, just relax. Smile, nod, say hello, that's it.

She was getting closer as the line kept moving, and I started to feel her all over, in every pore and crevasse. Small beads of sweat started to form on my forehead, my stomach was clenched tight, burning the closer she got.

Opening and closing my hands at my side, I kept focusing on my breathing as I wriggled my fingers and wiped my palms on the outside of my pants.

Damn it, I just can't do this.

A local man stepped up and reached out his hand. “Sorry for your loss, Son.”

Holding up my palm, I quickly spoke, “Excuse me for a moment.” Stepping past him, I moved with long strides through the room. I just couldn't be in that room anymore, not with her.

I could feel everyone staring at me, their eyes following my steps as I went out the door and into the front hall. There were people standing all around. The hall was filled, the line to walk through for the wake spiraled out into the parking lot, and around the building.

What is this? The town function for the night?

Doesn't anyone have anything better to do?

It shouldn't have surprised me to see so many people. It was a small town, if someone died, everyone knew about it. What surprised me was the fact that all these people came out for my father.

Searching left and right, I spotted the men's room in the back corner. There were voices around me, people I hadn't seen years, talking and touching me, squeezing my shoulders and rubbing my upper back.

And I fucking hated it.

I didn't want people who could have cared less for me as a child to show me any pity and tell me how sorry they were. No one stepped in to help when I needed it, I certainly didn't need them trying to comfort me now.

Shrugging them off, I stormed into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Tearing the tie off from around my neck, I popped the top few buttons loose on my shirt and took a moment to breathe.

Why did she come?

Why would she want to be here?