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He smiled, but kind of winced too. “You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”
She raised herself up on her elbows and tossed her hair over her shoulders. “Nope.”
He turned over and kissed her. “I get it. You’re special. Unique. Down to earth. How about I take you out into nature, with the dogs?”
She smiled at him, her heart full. “That sounds perfect.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Erin loved the feeling of the wind blowing through her hair as they drove out to Point Lobos in Jay’s SUV. The dogs were in the back, and a sense of deep contentment she’d never known before spread through her as she contemplated an afternoon walking the dogs along the nature trails.
They walked hand in hand, chattering about work and mutual friends, and then books they were both enjoying. At one point, Jay stopped and pointed down to where a trio of otters were playing in a cove. They were as playful as puppies, untroubled by the world. Just the way she was feeling. They kept walking, the trails familiar to Erin, and she pointed out her favorite trees and views. They squinted, looking out over the ocean, where she told him sometimes you could see whales sounding as they traveled back and forth, but no such luck today. It was a beautiful hot day, and they passed families, other couples holding hands, and a group of three women, obviously close friends, chatting up a storm.
At an especially picturesque viewpoint, hot from the afternoon sun, they took a seat on the wooden bench and drank deeply from their water bottles. Jay pulled out a collapsible water dish for the dogs and they lapped happily, then Buzzy and Nelson curled up at their feet, panting.
Because it felt right and she knew it was time, she said, “Jay, you told me a lot about your past and I really appreciate that you trusted me.”
He looked slightly surprised at her serious tone. “Of course. And I’ll trust you to decide when you want to write that story.”
She took a breath of the salt-tinged air. She needed to get this out, needed to tell him. “It’s not that... it’s that, well, I have a story too.”
Almost as though he knew she needed his support, he put an arm around her and pulled her against him. “Okay. I’m listening.”
The cocky, joking Jay was truly gone, and in his place was the thoughtful one, the guy who read poetry and chose a scrappy rescue dog and made love to her as though she was the only woman in the world who mattered.
She said, “When I was in college, I had a really bad experience, and I think it affected me for years. No, I know it did.” She paused. “Remember when you claimed that I always choose geeky guys who don’t challenge me? There’s a reason why.”
He didn’t say a word, just squeezed her shoulder. His eyes on hers were serious, clear, understanding. She had to glance away. She watched the ocean while she told him, haltingly, everything she’d told Mila. The charming, cocky student. The three dates they’d been on, and then how he’d forced his way into her bedroom, how he had tried—and failed—to force himself on her.
“All these years I’ve felt like it was somehow my fault,” she concluded. “Like I’d led him on—I’ve been so ashamed.”
She didn’t cry, but her voice shook a little. He turned her to face him, tipped her chin up until she met his gaze. His eyes were clouded with emotion—a mix, it seemed, of tenderness toward her and anger at the man who had tried to harm her.
His voice was rough. “First, no man who has the right to call himself that would ever, ever treat a woman the way that no-account piece of crap treated you. I’ve known men like that. They give the rest of us a bad name. You are honest and decent and nothing that happened was your fault.”
Even though she now knew how true that was, with the benefit of hindsight, it was still good to hear him say those words.
Then he said, looking now like steam might start coming out of his ears, “What’s his name? Whoever he is, I’m going to find him and kill him.”
The note of deep sincerity in his voice almost made her think he might. She shook her head and then gave him a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. “You’re too good to even go near a guy like him. He’s not worth going to jail for. He’s nothing.”
“You’re right there,” Jay agreed. “He’s less than nothing.”
“Besides, I managed to fight him off myself.”
“You sure did.” He looked proud for a moment.
Erin sighed, but it was a happy sigh. She had felt much better after she’d finally shared her story with Mila, but now that Jay knew too, she felt a thousand times lighter. “I honestly had no idea how much keeping this inside hurt me. How much it held back my heart.”
And then he kissed her, a soft, sweet, understanding kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other and just held on. They didn’t talk about it anymore. They didn’t have to. What had begun with Mila, in a kind of letting go of the awful shame and self-loathing Erin had felt all these years, was feeling even more significant now that she’d shared her story again, with Jay.
They stood and walked on, and then Jay said, “I can’t believe the guy’s still alive anyway. How did Howie and your brothers not take him apart?”
“Because they never knew. I never told anyone, until I told Mila a few days ago.”
Once more he stopped and turned her to face him. “Are you saying I’m only the second person you’ve ever told?”
She nodded mutely. He pulled her in again for a hug and whispered in her ear, “I am so honored.”