Page 9

He looks so damnsmall in his king sized bed. After being in the hospital for nearly a week, Dad came home with strict orders of bed rest.

“So, tell me again what the doctor said?” I hand him some ice water, and plop down on the corner of the mattress.

Damn it. It made him wince.

“Sorry.” Standing quickly makes him grimace again.

Shit, I keep messing up.

“Just, settle down, Lib.” He gestures for the chair against the wall. “It was more invasive than they first thought. But they think they got it all. I just have to go back for radiation. Maybe chemo.” His lip curls as he runs his fingers through his graying hair. “Might just hack all this off before it falls out.”

He still has bruises on the back of his hand from the IVs.

I drop my butt precariously on the edge of the cushion, but I feel too full of nervous energy to sit still. Bouncing my knee is a tiny outlet.

“How long will you have to do that?” Fidgeting with the seam on my jeans is easier than looking at him.

I don’t want him to see the tears in my eyes.

He lets out a long exhale. “I don’t rightly know. I suppose until it’s all gone.” He sniffs hard enough to make me glance up.

Damn, he’s mistied up, too.

“Dad? What’s going on?” I don’t want him to be upset about this.

Only one of us at a time. It’s harder when he’s worked up as well.

“There’s just a lot of things I wanted to do, and I always put them off. I swore after your mom passed, I’d stop doing that.” He pauses to scratch one of the scabs from his knuckles until a bead of blood appears.

“Gross, Dad. Let me grab you a paper towel.” Darting into the kitchen, I take a much needed deep breath before returning.

Ever since he’s gotten home, the mood is just, well, sour.

“Okay, what kind of stuff would you do?” I hold out the wipe, but he just smears the droplet.

I swear he’s worse than Devon sometimes.

“Go on a cruise. See the Mississippi River. Maybe go to the top of the Space Needle.” His gaze unfocuses as if he’s staring into the distance. “I always wanted to go to Europe and take a train across.” One corner of his mouth turns up into a wistful smile. “Your mom and I would always talkabout going to New York and seeing one of those plays. I’m too much of a country boy for that, but I’d like to go to honor her.” His lip droops into a frown before he sets his eyes on me. “I don’t want you to be held down like I was. That’s why I have Blue coming over. He’s going to get all the paperwork right so I can start dispersing the herd.”

All I’ve ever known is this dairy farm.

I love it here.

“Why? I don’t want to sell. I can take it over.” It feels like a piece of my heart is being torn.

This place was Mom’s dream, too.

She didn’t regret staying here. She told me so.

One of the last things she told me is to find something I enjoy and do it with my entire being, no matter what it is.

She just wanted me to savor life, not regret it.

Dad shakes his head. “I’m not going to tie you here any more. There’s no down time, Lib. When was the last time you were able to go on a vacation?”

I have to think. “When I went to the state competition in 4H. And then to D.C.”

There, I showed him.