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It’s a trap, this is all a trap. The walls are too close. The buzzing I hear doesn’t stop. Pain radiates throughout my head. I need to escape him.
Immediately, I get up and run out of the room. The world is a blur around me. My focus is set on trying to find my freedom. Noises invade my hearing, but I can’t decipher what they are. I just need to get out of here. I find the nearest exit and bust through it. As soon as the air hits me, I feel like I can suddenly breathe.
I gasp, my heart wildly trying to escape my chest as I breathe through the panic. There are no walls, no prison. Just openness. Freedom. I close my eyes and let the sounds of the road and cars be my focus.
“Hey, are you okay?” Ronnie sticks her head out of the door, and her voice startles me. I jump back a bit as she comes forward, but she holds up her hands in front of her. “I heard some weird noises, and you were gone.”
My head starts to swivel as I look around me, looking for a way out. I claw at my shirt on my chest, and tears start to pour down my face.
Her eyes widen. “Oh, no. Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I swear. What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it? Wait, I’m sure I can figure this out. You felt suffocated?”
I nod as I rub my chest and take a deep breath.
She purses her lips and nods, then ducks back inside and shuts the door. Guess that suited her curiosity. But her leaving allows me to breathe a little easier. For a moment, I just let the air hit my face, and even though it’s warm, it feels less suffocating,
Looking up at the night sky, I notice there are zero stars visible. I find that so odd, and I frown. Where are the stars?
“It’s because of all the lights in this city.” Ronnie appears behind me. I turn around and widen my eyes at her sudden appearance. “This city is bright at night. Between the strip, Downtown Las Vegas, along with all the lights everywhere else in this valley, you can’t see the stars.” She shrugs. “Some places you can, but you have to go far outside the city to see them. It’s a shame, really.”
She hands me a black backpack, and I hesitantly take it from her.
“Here, I grabbed some supplies. Let’s go get you some fresh air. Well, Vegas fresh air. It’s not the best, but you get used to it.” She throws on her bag and smiles at me. “Look, I love to talk, and I can probably talk you to death, but you will get sick of it. So just tell me if you do.”
She pauses, observing me for a moment.
“Canyou talk? Do you have, like, a problem speaking? Do you even understand what I’m saying? Of course you do. You have been answering me in your ‘I’m not using words’ way. You totally don’t have to respond to me; you can just let me keep talking. But do know I will probably drive you crazy.” Shesmacks her forehead with the palm of her hand as she starts to walk away from the building.
I look around confused at the last few minutes. She just handed me this backpack, and I have no idea what’s in it. She hasn’t stopped talking, and she has just started acting like we have been besties for years.
Ronnie pauses and turns to face me.
“It’s some clothes and food,” she answers as if reading my mind. “Come on. Let’s go find ourselves a better place for you to get some sleep.” She tilts her head for me to follow, and I hesitate for a moment.
But for the first time, I don’t feel so alone. And she kinda gets my silence and my reaction to things. Maybe she can help me at least find a better place until I can leave Las Vegas. So, I do something I probably shouldn’t: I follow her.
We walk past the hospital that I thankfully escaped with no issue. No one seemed to care that I left. But as we continue on Charleston Boulevard, I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched. The hair on the back of my neck stands up. There are literal chills running down my spine despite it being hot outside. Sweat drips down my back, and I shake out my hands from the cramps that form in them.
“You doing okay? You got a little pale there.” Ronnie stops and looks at me. She wasn’t lying when she said she talks a lot. She hasn’t stopped since we left. And I’m okay with that.
Breaking contact with her, I look around at the area and bite my lip. The cars whiz by us, and the air smells like dirt and garbage. Shaking the weird feeling from myself, I nod to her, and she continues on. I should tell her about the withdrawal, but maybe I won’t have to if we find a place I can just hide out.
Ronnie tells me stories of how she ended up on the street. How her mother met a guy who got her hooked on drugs. Her mom lost her job, and they had to move in with this guy. Theyeventually got married, and her new “stepdad” wanted her out of the house. But what Ronnie never told her mom was that her “stepdad” tried to have sex with her, and when she refused and shut him down, he got her mom to agree to kick her out of the house.
So for the past year, she has been living on her own. Sometimes taking some under-the-table odd jobs here and there, begging on the streets, anything to get a few bucks. She is a regular in the shelters and has tried to get help to get a job and start life, but she has been unsuccessful in actually landing a job.
So, she just roams the streets. Ronnie says she is happier this way, but I can see the sadness in her eyes. The sadness that this is her life, that her mom abandoned her.
“I was studying to be a teacher.” She lets out a laugh. “I know, I wouldn’t strike anyone as the teaching kind, but I’m quite the nerd. Plus, I didn’t always look like this.” She gestures to her ripped jeans and dirty shirt.
I frown at how much she’s lost in her life in such a short time. Her future, her family, her home.
She continues, “I had to blend in. But I used to be very clean cut, nerdy, and never wore anything that wasn’t more conservative. But out here, it’s better to blend in and be forgotten.” Ronnie blows out a breath.
We walk in silence for a moment before she turns to me.
“Do you know where you’re from?” she asks. I shake my head, and my lips turn down. “Damn, girl. That sucks. Well, look, you have me. We can be friends and get through whatever life we have left on this shit dirt they call earth. It’s better than being alone.”
She’s right. It’s better than being alone. I was alone in that room, and I have no memory of before, so for all I know, I could have been alone then, too.