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I thanked him and then I looked over at Mama and saw an expression of great satisfaction on her face. She had taken the first important step in her plan to create a world safe and perfect for Baby Celeste, but would it be perfect and safe for me? I wondered,

Afterward, while everyone was enjoying Mr. Longo's music and relaxing. I had an opportunity to be by myself. I wandered up to the old cemetery and stood just in front of where I knew Noble was lying. Twilight had begun and it was that time of day when shadows nudged each other and began to awaken and stretch. When we were little. Noble and I thought night came about because all the shadows merged and blanketed the earth in darkness. The morning light would shatter them again and shrink them.

"But where do the shadows go in the daytime?" he always wanted to know. He asked Daddy, too. but Daddy didn't have a satisfactory answer for him. Daddy's answers were too scientific to satisfy a young boy with an active imagination.

"Where do shadows go?" he persisted, turning to Mama for the answers now. When Noble was curious about something, really curious, he was relentless. "They always come cut the same way, with the same shape, don't they?" he pointed out.

It was a good observation. I thought, and even though I was satisfied with Daddy's answers. I looked forward to Mama's response.

"They go to sleep," she finally told him. "They sleep in the daytime."

"Where?'' Noble chased.

"In the earth."

That wasn't a good enough answer either. If they were asleep in the earth, why couldn't he dig them up?

Did he still wonder about such things? Is a spirit curious or does a spirit know everything? When would I truly be like Mama and be able to have long conversations with our spiritual family and not just hear a few words and see them for seconds or see them like someone saw a mirage? Would I ever? Had it all passed me by and now, as she said, taken hold of Baby Celeste instead?

The voices of the wedding attendees were carried up to me in the soft, cooler evening breeze. Stars were beginning to emerge and twinkle above.

I looked toward the forest. but I saw nothing.

"Where are you tonight, Daddy?" I asked. Are you here? Are you upset? Please come back to me," I begged.

There was the sound of laughter now and music again.

I turned and slowly walked ba

ck to the tables and the people. Mama was singing for them. She was singing "La Vie en Rose." The reverend and his wife. Tani, held hands like two new young lovers. Dave was gazing at Mama with such affection in his eyes.

I should be happy for her. I thought. She's so happy. Her voice is so full and perfect.

But when I looked up at the house and at a window that I knew to be one in my room. I saw the glow of the light from the hallway, and in the pane, silhouetted clearly to me. was Elliot. In the silvery glow of the starlight. I was sure he was smiling.

After all now, he was securely inside the house and not just inside my troubled heart.

12

Just You and Me

Against All These Females

.

For a while I thought Mr. Fletcher might be

right: this was a new start, anew chance for happiness for all of us. even Betsy. She was occupied with her new social life and surprised her father and us at dinner one night by declaring that she wanted to enroll in the community college.

Mr. Fletcher was so happy about it that he nearly leaped out of his chair to kiss her. "That is wonderful news. Betsy, just wonderful. If you do well at the community college, you'll be able to get into a four-year school and complete your degree. What are you thinking of becoming?" The words rushed out of his mouth so quickly it was like a dam full of hope had been broken. It made me think these words, this optimism, these ideas, had been held in escrow in his head for so long, they flooded over his tongue and nearly caused him to gag with enthusiasm.

"You know that you ought to seriously consider teaching. Sarah can give you some pointers about that, having been a teacher herself. Or you could think of a career in the medical field. I could help you with that. You might even think of a business degree."

After his outburst, he sat there, smiling stupidly at her. Mama and I and even Baby Celeste just stared at Betsy, waiting for her to respond. Now she looked like the one who was overwhelmed. She glanced at each of us and then back at him.

"I don't know," she finally muttered. "Don't get so excited. Daddy. I said I was thinking about doing it. I didn't say I would definitely do it."

"I hope you decide to do it," he said "Don't hesitate to ask me anything if it will help you. Sarah, as well," he added, turning to Mama.