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I look away. If she only knew how her words touch me, how raw they make me feel. I’ve wanted this my entire life. And here she is, giving me the hope I dare not have. But this glimmer of hope is terrifying. It paralyzes me and it pushes me forward. It makes me want to believe in something I gave up long ago.

She touches my hand and my eyes meet her again. “No one should need approval to do what they love. Just imagine all the wasted talent out there because someone was too afraid to move forward and follow their dreams or because a person in their lives was critical or because they never had the support they needed,” she says and makes sure I’m still with her, before continuing.

“Imagine all the books you’ll never read, all the songs you’ll never listen to, all the art work no one will ever see because some asshole was too critical and shattered those people’s dreams.”

“But I’m not an artist or a writer, I wanted to be a doctor. And the marines gave me a taste of it. I loved what I did, even when I hated all that was happening around me that caused it.” I look away again.

Her fingers gently brush my cheek and she guides my face back to hers, waiting until our eyes connect. “What about all the lives that won’t be saved because you’re not there to do it?”

I gasp. I never thought of it this way. What if I am the person who could make a difference? I know my experience in the marines is something most doctors don’t encounter in a lifetime of practicing. And I know I had been the only thing between life and death for many marines before. She gets me with that question and then she finishes me with the next words she says.

“Don’t be one of the broken dreamers. Collect your pieces, pull yourself together. You don’t need anyone’s approval or permission to be yourself and live your live to your full potential, to live the life of your choosing, to live your life the way it was intended to be lived, Liam.”

I don’t need anyone’s permission.I’m an adult. I have the means to pay for college. I have the will to pursue it and I have the knowledge to be successful at it. What’s holding me back? Nothing. Nothing but ideas and words that are not mine. Ideas and words from my father that even now still convinced me I can’t do it.

I focus on River again. I can see so much in her eyes. Hope, expectation, and apprehension that her words have not gotten to me. Then she smiles and I smile back at her. I’m going to do this and she knows it.