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Chapter Thirty-Four

I watchthe last of her tears dry on her face. Liquid pain, expelled from her body. I watch as her walls crumble and fall, one by one, and the River I see inside is brighter than the sun. This River with no barriers or attitude is tender and gentle. I love it. I love the tough and scary River too. I love all of her parts; all of her quirks and I even love that mean streak she has. But right now, none of it is present. Just River, as she once was, long ago before the world touched her and taught her she needed to hide her real self behind an attitude and guard her too kind heart. I wonder when it first happened. When disappointment touched her and left a mark.

What was it that first drove her inside? I might never know. She probably doesn’t remember it herself. Do any of us?

Does anyone remember the very first thing that broke their heart?

That hurt so deep, it left a mark? I don’t think so. And it’s probably a good thing.

I push a lock of hair behind her ear and she turns her face into my hand. This is River giving in.

Opening for me.

Letting me inside.

I will not take this gift for granted. I will not break this trust.

I know there will be no second chances.