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“I just miss being me,” he admits. “Not an arm of the Crew, but Jacob Cotton—” He presses his lips together.
I swallow. “You didn’t tell me what you wanted after all this.”
“Just to be me again,” he says. “That’s what I want. To be me again. With you. To let everyone see me.”
“That’s pretty vague.” I don’t even know the words coming out of my mouth right now because I keep staring at his lips and trying to regain a state of steady breathing.
“It’s all I got.” He groans when I arch into him. “I have to go before I take you into that room and screw up everything I just promised you.”
He leans my head back, searching my face.
“Don’t,” I tell him. “I don’t want to be alone again.”
He kisses my cheek, hand massaging my neck before he finally speaks. “Okay.”
Magnum follows me into my room. He leaves me to get ready for bed, getting comfortable in a chair in the corner. When I come out of the bathroom in one of Johnny’s shirts and nothing else, his eyes blaze, but he stays where he is. I’m okay with this.
I slip under the covers, telling him goodnight. He whispers it back, and that’s the last thing I’m conscious of as I drift off to the most content sleep I’ve had in the last few weeks.
7
Without the threats surrounding me, I sleep most of the day away. I never let my guard down at Greenlawn’s. Most of the people there were supposed to be there. Unlike me, they’d actually done the shit they were accused of. I tried to stay out of their hair, but by refusing to involve myself with any of them, I made myself a target that I was constantly looking over my shoulder for.
That’s not to mention Gregory or Detective Reynolds.
I don’t know if Gregory ever tried looking for me while I was at Greenlawn, but he had a prime opportunity to find me there and do what he wanted. The RHPD said they were keeping my whereabouts top secret, and the Crew obviously didn’t tell anyone either. Thankfully, I came out unscathed with an unhealthy addiction of watching my back. Most nights, I barely slept, so knowing Magnum was in the room last night gave me my first restful sleep in a month.
When I roll out of bed, I stumble to the windows and open the blinds, letting the warmth of the sun shine in. Greenlawn was so gross—even worse than the apartment I had in Brawler’s building—so I’m never letting this place go to waste again. The tower is like living in a fancy hotel.
“God, you look beautiful in the morning.”
I start, my heart already in my throat. I hate I’m like this now, always wondering what’s about to get me.
“I’m sorry, Princess.” Oscar moves behind me, clasping my wrists in his hands, rubbing soothing circles along my pulse point.
“It’s not you.”
He spins me, taking me in. I’m sure I look like I’ve slept for sixteen hours, but he’s wise enough not to say anything.
“Something’s up. K wants a video chat with all of us this morning, so you should get ready.”
I close my mouth so tight I’m afraid I might break a tooth. “What time?”
Oscar moves hair off my shoulder, still watching me intently. “You got about a half hour.”
I nod.
He pulls me to him abruptly. “I’m sorry for leaving last night. Everything you said, I want it. I’m just so fucking scared to want anything anymore because the only thing I’ve ever wanted that I’ve been able to keep is you. I keep waiting for that to blow up in my face, too.”
I snuggle into his neck, kissing the slight curve lightly as I breathe him in. He’s freshly showered and smells like a rainforest. “You got me,” I tell him. “Nothing is going to change that. And you will play football again, Oscar. I promise.”
“Why is it whenever you say it, I believe it, but every time I try to tell myself the same thing, it sounds like a load of shit?”
I pull away, fingers just grazing his chin. “I hear I’m quite convincing.”
His eyes change, switching from adoration to something much more primal. “There’s so much dick in this apartment.”
“What?” I laugh. Totally not what I was expecting him to say.