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“We do. Fuck. You’d hate them too for what they’ve done to him. It’s all he knows, Brawler.”
He searches my gaze, shaking his head. “Oscar was forced to join. I get that, but—”
“Johnny didn’t have a choice either. He was brought up in it. He knows no other way. I’ve seen the good parts of him,” I plead. If Brawler walks away, it will break me. Not that I wouldn’t deserve it. I keep turning the tables on him. I’m fucking everything up. “None of you were a part of my plan,” I tell him. “God, none of you, but pieces inside each of you match up perfectly with me.” Oscar laughs in the kitchen, and I smile, tentative at first before turning back to Brawler. “The Crew’s his family right now, and he’s loyal and caring. Imagine what he would be ifweturned into his family, Brawler?”
His hard edges soften. “Is that what you want? A family?”
A breath expels from my chest. Goddamnit. I do. “More than anything. We all deserve it.” Our backgrounds flit through my brain like a photo album. Brawler, whose mother is lost to depression because his brother and sister were murdered. Oscar and his mother who can’t care for him, let alone herself, because of her addictions. Magnum, whose father was killed while he was in the Crew, and whose mother won’t have anything to do with him because of it. We’re all missing that most vital piece that makes us human.
Maybe I’m talking out of my ass, but I think we can have it with each other.
Brawler must follow my line of thought because he laces his fingers with mine. “I trust you. I’m putting one hundred percent of my trust in you. If you think Johnny can be saved…” He shakes his head. “…I’m in.”
“I won’t let you down.”
Brawler scoops me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him to me as tightly as possible. He breathes into my neck. “Who am I kidding?” he murmurs. “These last several weeks, I was already contemplating what I would do without you, Kyla, and it wasn’t pretty. I finally realized why my mom—”
A shiver runs through me. He better not mean what I think he means. I pull away to stare into his dark blue depths.
He shakes his head, lips firmly closed, telling me he doesn’t want to talk about it. I slant my mouth over his. Where words fail me, my touch will make him see. Hopefully, I can ingrain in every fiber of his being that he is worthy of everything he’s never had.
“Is this what we have to look forward to?” Oscar deadpans. “Watching our girl makeout with one of us?”
Brawler deepens the kiss, palming my ass in his big hands until my toes straight up curl. I’m pretty sure he’s grabbing my ass for Oscar’s benefit, but I’m not stopping him. I’ve missed him—all of them.
When he pulls his lips from me, he lets me slide down his torso, his arousal pressing into my stomach like a dirty promise. No matter how much I want to lean into him, there’s more that needs to be discussed right now. I turn to face the rest of them, a little dazed. They’re both staring at me with their brows raised. Confusion slithers through me like I’ve missed something. “Um, what?”
Magnum chuckles from his spot on the couch.
“Focus, Princess.” Oscar snaps his fingers, and despite it being all sorts of wrong, it works in bringing me out of my funk. Only because now I want to slap his smug face. “You got what you wanted, so now what?”
I glance between all of them, but something still isn’t sitting right. They’ve pledged their allegiance to me, so it’s only fair.
I slip away from Brawler and kneel at Mag’s feet. He edges the cup of cocoa he got for me closer, like that’s the reason I’m sitting here. I ignore it for the time being even though it smells divine. I haven’t had hot chocolate in exactly six weeks.
“You’re with us, right?” I ask.
Magnum’s brows furrow.
“Me. Us,” I tell him, motioning toward Oscar and Brawler. “Not the Crew.”
“More than you know,” he says, lips thinning.
I press my tongue against my teeth as I contemplate how to say this. This is one giant fucking leap, but since I’m getting real with everyone here, it needs to be done. I can’t leave Magnum out of the loop. It’s not right. I wouldn’t even do it to Johnny if I knew he wouldn’t just go ape shit and kill us all.
“Oh shit,” Oscar says, already knowing what I’m going to say. I don’t dare look at him.
Magnum peeks a look over his shoulder at him before turning back to me. “Is this the secret you told me about?”
I nod. “I just need to make sure you’re with me.”
I stare into his eyes while Oscar says, “Maybe you should teach him the secret handshake, Princess.”
I glare at Oscar because this is fucking serious, but he’s always unapologetic about his actions. Instead of returning my look, he rolls his hand over like I should get to talking. It’s good if he thinks we can trust him.
“I’m with you,” Mag says, ignoring Oscar’s jibe as well. He cups my chin and forces me to look at him again. He’s so ruggedly handsome. His facial hair ages him into hot older man territory, even though he’s technically not that much older than me.
I wait until his words coat me. I let them fill me up until I feel the rightness of it, and then I’m not scared to tell him. Licking my lips, I say, “Big Daddy K murdered my parents when I was twelve, and I’m going to kill him for it.”