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I nod.
She doesn’t push.
We drift into the warm, sunny kitchen for breakfast, then I head upstairs to take a shower. In my room, I sit on my bed and take out the phone.
Fifteen texts from Quinn, the first one dated five days ago, two days after I got my latest phone. The texts aren’t requests for communication or pleas to be heard. They’re bite-size letters, detailing his life, past and present.
Sometimes he calls me Lucky. Sometimes Elly. Other times Elyse. I guess I’m all those to him. He never calls me firecracker. Maybe that time is over for him.
Regardless of how he addresses me, the information is inexhaustible. At first I didn’t want to read them.
What he did was unforgivable. I don’t care that I was partly responsible for my epic downfall, Quinn and Q manipulated me with the cunning and talent of Machiavelli.
I can never trust him. And I can’t entertain the idea of being with someone I don’t trust.
The phone buzzes again. I glance at the screen and read the latest message.
6 July: Elyse,
Delilah was charged today. Yesterday Maxwell was formally charged with manslaughter. The DA is ecstatic. She doesn’t have to wait for Maxwell and Delilah to divorce before compelling her to testify against my father. Delilah also finally confessed to lacing Mama’s anti-depression pills with Benzo over a six-month period when she was Mama’s assistant. Those were the pills Mama took that day. The day my life changed forever. I should feel vindicated. Triumphant. Avenged. I feel nothing. I don’t even hurt anymore. But my cracks keep growing. But it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
Quinn.
I hate myself for the lurching of my heart. Just as I hate myself for scrolling through, reading his other texts…
3 July: Elly,
I wanted you to see me. You saw me. A part of me wishes you would forgive what you saw. A part of me hopes you never forgive. He destroyed her just to gain more power and money. The Blackwood billions and the thirty billion inheritance from her family clearly weren’t enough. How greedy can one man be? He called me from jail last week, asked to see me. I went because I needed to tell him why. Needed to not leave him with a sense of righteousness that he’s free of guilt in all this. I sat across from him. And I told him my plan all along was to humiliate him in the worst possible way. Make him want to kill himself like he made her kill herself. If that didn’t succeed I was going to kill him myself. But…Elyse…when it came down to it, I couldn’t kill him. I was a coward. That’s why he’s still alive. He’s breathing and she’s not. That kills me, Elyse. But I take solace in one thing. I’ve destroyed the one thing he loves. The Blackwood name. No one will ever speak of it with pride or awe again. That too was my plan. It was the right thing to do. FOR THE GREATER FUCKING GOOD.
Quinn
***
2 July: Lucky,
I wanted to be a movie director. Did I tell you that? No, I don’t think I did. That camera…the one… it was my first, a gift from Mama. Anyway, I guess in some way I got to direct the movie of my life. Given another chance I would change one cast member. You didn’t deserve your role. I knew it long before your love touched me for one blissful second. I play that moment in my mind over and over. If I could have one thing in this miserable life, it would be to freeze that moment in time. Forever. Forgive me.
Quinn
***
1 July: Lucky,
I saw an ad today. For waffles. I thought of you. Just thought you should know. Forgive me. Forgive me.
Quinn
***
28 June: Elly
I hope you’ll accept the horse for Petra. I hear she loves horses, that she’s a talented rider. In another life I would’ve loved to meet her. Get to know her. But this is my life. I accept it. Don’t send the mare back. Let her enjoy it. Please. Forgive me.
Quinn.
***
26 June: Elyse,