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She reaches for my hand. “So, what can I do tohelp?”
Damn, just when I can’t love you more.
“You can help by letting me tell you something I should’ve long ago. And when I do, don’t run away. Stay and fight with me about it.”
“Well…” Her face falls. “That’s ominous as fuck.”
My heart pounds, way past anxious. I’m afraid to say this. And it’s fucking insane.
Am I afraid to die? No. Why fear the inevitable?
But am I afraid I’ll lose Ruby? Yeah. I don’t want to live without her.
“It’s about Alena.”
She swallows. And when she doesn’t speak, it only makes this worse.
“When Alena was twenty-one, she asked me to take her virginity.” Her eyes widen. “And I did, because she was crying and saying she felt ugly and unloved and?—”
“Is she in love with you?” She blinks fast, like she’s fighting back tears.
“Never. She used me, and I could say it was a mistake, but it’s not. She needed my help, and I felt sorry for her. I know it’s a dickhead thing to say, but it’s true. Alena’s one of our queens, and I couldn’t stand to see her crying and feeling so unloved and?—”
Her bottom lip trembles. “Do you loveher?”
“No. Not like I love you.”
She flinches.
And…
Fuck!!!
Goddammit, we need more than one fucking word for this.
“I mean… Ruby, despite my reputation, I’m not a total dickhead. I’m not going to take a woman’s virginity and say it meant nothing. Alena’s one of our queens, and helping her felt right. It felt loyal and like love, I guess, but it’s the love I feel for Wren, Delphine, and Zar, too. Hell, even Vale, though she lives to hate me. It’s how a king feels for the other queens.” I pause. “It’s how I guess you’ll feel for Grant. You’ll love me, but you’ll feel loyal to him, too.”
Tears spill over her lashes. The shock makes her shake her head. “Why did you wait this long to tell me?”
“I needed you to trust that, yeah, Icanbe a dickhead, but I’m one who’s madly in love with you. Only you. And I worried that you’d judge me and hate me.”
“Because she’s marrying your brother?”
“Hopefully.”
“And she’s your best friend’s daughter?”
“Yes.”
“And she’s… She’s yourgoddaughter?”
That one felt a tinge of judgment.
“I never felt that way. I’m not her father figure. She was like a friend. I’m only twelve years older than her. Hell, she’s almost the same age as you. And all I’ve ever felt is protective over her, and all she’s felt is trust in me. It was never more than that. Please believe me.”
Tears fall from her raging blue eyes, streaming down her flushed, freckled cheeks, pooling in the seam of her pink lips, and dripping from her dainty jaw.
Fuck, Ruby’s tears kill me.