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I guess I have more than one question. But his answer towhywill determine if I ask any others.
Today isn’t very warm, but there are signs of spring appearing all over Yale’s campus. Flowers blooming. Birds chirping. Grass growing.
I park in the closest spot to the science building I can find, letting out a happy sigh when I can finally unbuckle the seat belt that’s been chafing at my belly.
I should have done this sooner. But I’ve been putting it off and putting it off, waiting for one day when I magically felt ready to confront my father. And it wasn’t until I realized I was running out of time to do so before becoming a mom that I finally found the courage to come here.
I want this new chapter of my life to include my dad. I’m sick of holding this barrier between us, but I can’t remove it without acknowledging why it was there in the first place.
I text Kit, letting him know I made it safely. He replies immediately, even though he’s hanging out with Flynn today.
Walking across campus feels strange. I haven’t been back since my graduation, and I wasn’t expecting my next visit to be until Jane’s ceremony.
I’m breathing heavily by the time I reach the main doors leading into the science building. I remember coming here as a kid, pointing up at the molecules models hanging from the ceiling in the atrium. They don’t look so big now.
I opt for the elevator over the stairs, even though it’s only two floors.
The walls of the hallway are papered with research papers and presentations. I don’t have to read any of the nameplates to know which office to stop outside. My dad’s never moved, even when larger offices with “better” locations opened up.
I suck in two deep breaths before knocking.
“Come in.”
I’m hit with a heady mixture of relief and panic when I realize he’s here. Coming all this way to find an empty office wouldn’t have felt like a success. But realizing this conversation is actually about to take place is … scary.
My dad’s focused on the papers on his desk. When he glances up, he does a double take, then straightens his glasses. He stands suddenly, alarm stamped on his face. “Collins. Is everything—what are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you,” I state, closing the door and walking—waddling—over to one of the chairs facing his desk.
“Oh, I—let me get that for you.” My dad hustles around his desk, clearing the stack of papers off the chair. “I wasn’t expecting guests.”
“You need a better organizational system,” I huff, lowering myself slowly into the chair.
My dad frowns as he sits back down behind his desk. The leather squeaks in protest. “Are you—is Kit with you?”
“No. I wanted to come alone.”
“Did you come to visit Jane?”
“I’m here to see you, Dad.” I inhale another deep breath, deliberating how to broach the awkward topic.
“Did something happen? Is something wrong?”
I exhale. “Isaac cheated on me.”
My dad blinks rapidly. “What?”
“That’s why we broke up. It wasn’t mutual, like I told you and Mom. He cheated on me, so I left Chicago and moved to New York.”
“I’m sorry?—”
“I don’t want you to be sorry about Isaac, Dad. I want to know why you did the same thing to Mom.”
Understanding finally breaks across his face. He clears his throat, taking his glasses off and setting them on his cluttered desk.
My fingers curl, clenching into fists. There’s a sharp pain in my chest, my breaths becoming more labored as I realize maybe he’s not going to offer any explanation. That I’ll have to continueknowingthis with no resolution, except my dad knowing I know.
“I saw you. Senior year, I saw you. I was going to the library, and I came by here to see you, and you were … kissing some woman in the lab across the hall.”