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“It’s true, Stella,” I said. “You were too young to remember. But the minute I told Dad I wasn’t going to take over the garage was the minute he stopped caring.”

“Will,” Hank said, standing across the table. We were eye to eye. His voice was hard. “That’s enough.”

I stared at my brother, every muscle in my body tensed.

“I know you’re pissed,” he said, “but you’re going to ruin Christmas.”

His eyes went down to Sam who was staring up at me, his eyes like dinner plates.

And just like that, the fire went out of me. It was replaced with a deep, painful wash of shame. I’d already ruined Christmas. I’d let Sam down. I’d let my whole damn family down.

I looked at Sam. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry to all of you.” My voice felt like it was stuck in my throat. “Even you,” I said to Dad.

Dad’s eyes on mine were filled with anger. But they were glossy, too. From the coughing, that’s all it was.

I shoved my chair aside and grabbed my coat at the front door.

“Will!” Stella cried, running after me. I stepped out into the freezing night. Snow blanketed the whole farm, and stars twinkled overhead.

“Will, wait!” Stella said, running up to me.

“I can’t be around anyone right now, Stella,” I said, my voice hard as I stomped to my car.

“Wait, goddammit!” she shouted.

I turned, my chest tightening as I saw my baby sister standing there with tears streaming down her face. She looked just like she did when she was a little kid and Dad and I were fighting.

I looked away, feeling like I ought to maybe crawl into a hole so I wouldn’t fuck up anyone else’s life. If it weren’t for Hannah and Remy, I might.

But Stella walked up to me and threw her arms around me.

I was shocked. I didn’t deserve to be hugged right now. I didn’t deserve anything but getting shunned. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“What the hell do you have to be sorry about?” I asked.

“I’m sorry things are so hard,” she said, pulling back and looking in my face with deep concern. “I’m sorry you have to see Hank and I so happy when you’ve gotten such a raw deal. I know you tried with Jill. I know you didn’t want this to happen. And I know Dad is hard on you specifically. I don’t know why, but I think… I think he sees you in him. And Mom, too. He loves you Will, I know he does.”

“He has an absolute shit way of showing it.”

“Yeah. He does. But some people feel so much it hurts to show anyone any of it. You’re like that, Will. You care so much. The way you care about everyone at that table. Dad too, even if you don’t want to admit it.

“I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. You were the one who drove all the way into the city to get him the right carrier for his oxygen tank. The one who talked the care home into giving us a better deal and insisting he have a room with a window because you know how much he likes looking out at that pond—”

“You have a skewed view of me,” I said. “Because I’m your big brother.”

“It’s not skewed. You’re the most caring person I know. And I bet if you asked the people who run all the organizations you volunteer at, and everyone who works with you, they’d all say the same thing. That maybe you’re crusty on the outside, but you show up. You act where other people just talk about it.”

I said nothing. They were just words.

“So will you come back inside?”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t trust myself not to fuck up again.”

“Then will you call her at least? So you have one good thing to come out of this Christmas?”

“How—”