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“Well it’s not official. But we have been spending a lot of time together.”
“Yeah you have! Have you been going on dates?”
“Not…exactly but sort of? More like…outings. And coffee?” I’m doing terrible.
“So casual. Does he know you're a single mom?”
“He does,” I nod. “Actually he’s met Jax.”
She smiles. “And how’s that going?”
“Really good,” I answer, and I am starting to feel sick. All of the answers have been true but none of them feel organic. Probably because I’m holding back a lot. Honestly, the pressure is starting to build up. Other than Cassie, I’ve never been able to just open up to anyone. And even with her, I didn’t admit to knowing who Jax’s father was.
Rosilyn is nice. And the boys get along so well. And she’s also a single mom. And I’m about to pop.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask, leaning in.
Rosilyn’s eyes sparkle and she leans close too with a nod.
“I’m really into this guy,” I admit. “I have been for… a long time.”
“How long?” She asks.
“Since like…high school.”
“Shut. Up. So why didn’t you ever date?”
“Because…” I don’t know how to answer that. I’m not ready to admit it’s because he’s my dad’s best friend. That’s a lot. Not to mention taboo. So I soften the answer a little, while still telling the truth. “Ethan is older.”
“I told you older men are the best!”
“And he’s the father.”
Rosilyn blinks. “He’s whose father?” She asks the question like she doesn’t want to know the answer and I wonder if I’ve gone too far.
“Jaxon’s,” I say and she nods slowly. “Ethan is Jaxon’s father.”
“Does…he know?” She asks softly.
I shake my head and cover my face with my hands.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know!” I whisper yell. “He came back into my life very suddenly and I wasn’t planning on any of this. We…work together, so to speak. And I wasn’t planning on him finding out I have a kid. And I definitely wasn’t planning on them meeting but that sort of just happened too. All of it has been an accident and all of it is going well. Except for the him not knowing Jax is his kid part.” I look at Rosilyn with a cringe. “Am I a terrible person? I feel like I am a terrible person.”
“No. But I do think it’s wrong that he doesn’t know. I also think you need to be prepared for him to possibly dip if you tell him though.”
My stomach sinks. “You think he won’t want to have anything to do with him? Even though they’re hitting it off so well right now?”
“They’re hitting it off because he doesn’t know the kid is his. Trust me. Men get spooked when responsibility is involved. Right now it’s safe because he can just play superman. But if he thought he was going to be legally bound? I’m just saying this from experience. He’s not going to be okay with it. Especially since you’ve kept it from him.”
The boys are on their way back to the table which means the conversation is over. I force a smile for Jax’s sake but Rosilyn’s words are burning a hole at the forefront of my mind. She doesn’t know the whole story. And she also doesn’t know Ethan. But at the same time, I have kept it a secret for a reason. My gut has always told me not to tell Ethan about Jax. My worst fear was that he would try to get partial or full custody if he knew. Or that he’d meet him and decide he wanted to have nothing to do with him. Either one is a possibility and either one would crush us.
My phone buzzes again.
Ethan- You’re not wrong. You are very cute. And I want to see you.
I swallow hard and shove the phone back in my pocket.