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“Do not hide from me, little bird.”

Overcome with the maelstrom that was my emotions, I did the impossible. It was the only thing I could think to do to stop Erix from pressing me for questions. My desperate attempt to run away from a conversation I knew would happen.

I lifted myself up on my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek.

My eyes closed, misjudging my aim until the corner of his mouth brushed the edge of mine. Trembling fingers found their way to the side of Erix’s face, holding him there to stop him from drawing away, or moving the kiss to his mouth. But he didn’t even attempt to.

His body was frozen, likely from shock, maybe disgust.

Erix’s skin was as soft as I remembered. I wished he wasn’t so welcoming, because I would’ve pulled back sooner. However, I was no strong man. And I didn’t know just how much I’d needed this until it happened.

A discomfort sparked in my gut, but I battered it down. This kiss wasn’t for me or my twisted wants, it was for Erix. My final goodbye, my way of closing a door, my attempt to settle peace: to leave him with a memory of me that would last an age.

The regret and guilt built in the seconds after I drew away. A tidal wave that swept at my body, pushing me back until the stone railing stopped me. Whereas my eyes were open and searching, Erix had his closed. He didn’t open them for a while, not until he slowly lifted a finger to his cheek, convincing himself that the moment was real.

But by the time he opened his eyes, I was gone.

I moved on swift feet, sinking my teeth into my lower lip to stop myself from breaking.

I didn’t remember getting to my bedchamber and closing the door. Not until I slumped down from it, staring numbly ahead at the empty room.

What I was left with was the feeling of his kiss – no matter how reluctant it was – painted across my mouth. Even as the tears fell over my mouth, the salt tickling across my tongue, I knew there was nothing in the world with the power to make me forget those seconds with him.

Not a few minutes later, I heard the familiar gait of feet beyond my closed door. They paused just outside. In my mind’s eye I imagined Erix standing there, knuckles raised, wondering if he should knock or not.

He didn’t. Not long after, the door to his room clicked open, and then closed, and I was left to simmer in this guilt. I found the mirror that I had slipped under the bed when I arrived, the one I was frightened to look in and see Duwar. Withdrawing it from the shadows, I held it up to my face and stared at my red-stained eyes, my blushed lips and the etching of pure agonising guilt that told stories upon my face.

I willed Duwar to show himself, for Duncan to follow so I could reveal the truth about kissing Erix’s cheek and explain myself. Only my reflection haunted me, for hours of looking until my eyes ached, no demon showed themselves.

I was alone, suffering and yet knowing that my actions were my only option.

CHAPTER 17

It certainly was a perfect day for a wedding. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. There was a warmth to the air, as though spring was finally allowing summer to take over. I was almost too warm in the thick jacket that I was dressed in before dawn that morning, courtesy of Cassial’s personal seamstress. I felt weighed down by material, glowing like some pompous prick dressed to be paraded before a crowd – which was exactly what today entailed.

In the open-air carriage, thundering across roads toward our destination, I distracted myself with the view, rather than the stoic guard sitting at my side.

Erix, for the most part, had pretended as though the almost-kiss last night had never happened. Duty was duty, and he played the game well. I did my part in playing along, conjuring small talk and discussing the weather like two strangers would. When in reality, I wanted nothing more than to lean into him and seek comfort for my sins, regardless of whether he could offer me that.

“We should be arriving at the hosting grounds in a few hours,” Erix said just as our carriage slowed when our convoy began its descent into a small human town, a few miles outside of Lockinge. It was one of many stops planned along the route, allowing humans to witness our procession, building up the excitement for the wedding and making them feel a part of such a monumental day.

I understood why Cassial ordered for this to happen, but my anxiety was making patience an impossibility. By early afternoon, Althea and Gyah would be wed. By evening, I’d return to Imeria.

Thanks to my lack of sleep, I’d visited Rafaela before dawn crept over Durmain’s sky. She had seemed in better spirits, her wounds all but healed, but her inner torment was too great. Since then, I already had word from Zarrel that Rafaela would follow us to Imeria – and with her arrival, we’d complete our plan oftrulysaving the world.

This was, all in all, my last few days.

“I understand the need for charade, to bolster relations and dress up a political move in silver thread and expensive materials, but this feels less like a celebration, and more like pageantry,” I said, as I got my first view of yet another town with its main street full of humans. They, like Erix and I, wore theirbestoutfits. Humans cheered and clapped – waving as the carriages of fey passed through. Ahead of us, Althea and Gyah led the convoy, doing their bit at thanking the crowds with waves of their own.

“It is all to further the greater cause,” Erix reminded me. “There is nothing more powerful to bring two peoples together, then the promise of a party. And to Cassial’s credit, he has done an iron-clad job at arranging this.”

“I understand that,” I replied, trying to forge a fake smile as our carriage began the procession. “Although that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Not a marriage kind of man?” Erix asked out the corner of his mouth.

I scoffed. “Maybe a long time ago. Now, not so much.”

Erix took my hand in his and squeezed. The sudden contact made me gasp. “Maybe that will change again. But for now, smile and wave. Allow yourself a day of enjoyment, you can afford it.”