Page 63

To the man who Duncan brought back into my life, two times over.

Handsome almost seemed like a pointless word to use, as though it didn’t hold enough power for how he looked. Ethereal worked better, but how could I possibly say that to him? Truth be told, Erix was trying everything in his ability not to look at me. I sensed his hesitation as if it was my own. He’d let his control slip when he welcomed me outside of my rooms earlier. His mouth had dropped open, his words lost to him, as I stepped out in my outfit. I’d felt his eyes trace me, up and down, multiple times.

Then, as he’d offered his arm for me to take, he muttered a single word that’d followed me all the way through the castle.“Beautiful.”

How could I follow that up? Not only the use of the word, but the emotion behind it.

Since then, he had done his very best to control himself.

At least one of us had that ability.

Erix was dressed in silver armour, the metal thin to allow for movement. A grey cloak hung over his back, parting to allow room for his wings. His jaw was sharper than the stitched lines of the Icethorn emblem across his cloak, or the edges of his shoulder guards that looked like scales.

If Erix noticed I’d been looking up at him all this time, he didn’t reveal it. Instead, his eyes levelled across the room, drinking in the scene of fey, human and Nephilim, dancing together, or drinking from stemmed glasses, or hovering around elaborate tables of food.

“I should go and…”

“Mingle?” Erix answered for me, still trying everything in his power not to look at me. “Yes, perhaps you should.”

Even as he said it, the hand he’d laid over mine hadn’t moved. It was anchored to me, keeping me in place, keeping me withhim.

No one approached us where we stood to the side of the room. Erix had the aura of a guard dog on duty, his constant scowl warding anyone off. Not that there was anyone who’d approach anyway. The Nephilim showed no interest, likely all sharing the same disdain for me as Cassial and Zarrel did. Althea and Gyah were sitting alone – well, Althea was draped across Gyah’s lap whilst she was fed grapes one at a time. I spotted Elinor Oakstorm being swept around the dedicated dance floor in the centre of the room, the human she was with looking exhausted but thrilled by the prospect of dancing with a fey queen.

“They all look so happy, don’t they?” I said, numb to my core. “Not a care in the world.”

This was the picture of a peaceful world I’d painted with brushes of lies and deceit.

“It must be nice,” Erix replied, his brow pinching. “To go about life without knowing that more sacrifices must be made. That pain waits around every corner. I envy them, but at the same time I know that they deserve this.”

It was the pain in Erix’s voice that caught me off guard. I looked back to him and found that he was finally looking at me.

“Are we going to pretend that the thing still bothering you is not worth speaking about?” I asked.

Erix screwed his mouth up. “I am that obvious?”

“I just know you, Erix.” I narrowed my eyes on him, and for a moment I found myself transported to another place during another time. “Do you remember the first ball we experienced together?”

“Of course I do.”

“Is that what’s on your mind?”

Erix nodded, his nose scrunching up. “So much has changed since then, hasn’t it? The world is completely different. And here we are still standing in the corner, whilst everyone else around us can exist in ignorant bliss. At least this time you are not drunk on fey wine.”

“I wasn’t drunk,” I said. “I was tipsy – there’s a difference.”

“You were brash and careless. And it was my job to look after you, a task you made hard during every second.”

I withdrew my hand, despite Erix’s unconscious attempt to keep it on his arm. “Then I command that you have a night off your duties, Erix. If you want to go and enjoy yourself, do it. You don’t need to stand with me. It’s not like anyone is going to come and bother me anyway. There is no threat of poison this time round either, no assassins lurking as friends, no monsters waiting to snatch me away and destroy me. This is the peace we have fought for, you might as well start to enjoy it, whether it is real or not.”

“And what if I am content being with you?” Erix’s tone dropped, the seriousness of his words working into my skin. “It isn’t fair.Wecan’t even pretend that everything is okay.”

“We can try–”

“No,” Erix snapped, exhausted. “What I’d give for just one night – one night where we do not have to worry about what is coming tomorrow. But what bothers me the most is, if I am feeling like this, I can only imagine howyouare suffering. No matter what I would give to change it, I will never have the power to fix the world for you.”

He turned and fixed his eyes on me, the first time since welcoming me outside of my rooms. The air cracked, a spark of something powerful and breathtaking threading around us.

“I’m fine,” I lied, but if anyone would know, it was Erix. “Or at least I will be.Soon.”