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“You know, we could skip the ball tonight, if you prefer,” I said, almost hopeful Erix would agree. “I’m not really in the mood to celebrate after what I saw today.”

“As much as I agree, I know that would not be wise,” Erix replied.

“Can I ask why?”

“Pretences. I wish I could do as you want, but you must be seen by the Nephilim and human nobility. It is all a game, one you must see through to the end.” He stepped closer, the flames reflecting across the hollow planes of his handsome face. Erix refused to look anywhere but at me. “But not only that, you also deserve a night to enjoy yourself. This game of pretend will not last much longer, you may as well enjoy it whilst it does.”

My brain told me to step away from him, but my heart kept me in place, our proximity so close I felt his breath on my face. “Is that the only reason?”

Erix mocked a smile, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, between me and you, I need a belly full of strong spirits if I can even hope to get through another interaction with Zarrel. I’m so close to giving in to the gryvern and tearing him into lots of little pieces.”

“Wow,” I gasped, “you feel that strongly about him? I’m jealous.”

I regretted those last words the second they came out of my mouth. Before Erix could press forwards, I turned toward the door to my chamber, wincing when my back was to him. “I’ll knock for you when I’m ready to go back down.”

Although I couldn’t see Erix’s expression, Iheardit. The sigh he exhaled was so impressive, I felt it in my bones. “And I shall be waiting for you, little bird.”

CHAPTER 15

I sank beneath the warm water of my bath, hoping the scalding heat would cleanse some of the sinful thoughts plaguing me. But alas, they were so deep there was nothing in this realm that would abolish them.

Dried rose petals floated around me, the blessed scent of mint and camomile seeping in the mist that danced from the water’s surface. I sank lower until the lower half of my face was submerged, my head resting on the curved lip of the tub. As the water slipped over my mouth, I conjured an image of Erix. Perhaps it was my tired mind, or something else, but my thoughts were fixed on him. Instantly, heat uncoiled in my groin. I ached against it, grasping the lip of the tub just to stop myself from reaching down and grasping my length.

Guilt melted seamlessly with desire. There wasn’t one without the other when he was near.

Erix clouded my mind. There was no amount of water that could cleanse my skin of him, or dispel the scent of cedar and cinnamon from my nose. Since he’d left me, I’d not stopped feeling the brush of his fingers against my cheek. The tension and ease between us.

Weak to him, I slowly uncurled my fingers, slipped my hand beneath the water and grasped my erection. I told myself that if I was quick, the shame wouldn’t last. Yet another lie. The moment my wrist began to move, tugging my hardening length, I knew there was no hope for me.

I arched my back, biting down on my lip to stifle the moan. It echoed across the stone room, dancing up the walls and into the shadowed rafters.

No matter how I tried to fill my mind with thoughts of Duncan, it was Erix who occupied it. Occasionally they would change places. Their bodies, the curves of their muscles, the proud structure of their jaws, shifting from one to the other.

It had been days without one of Duwar’s dreams, and I could conjure it as if it had been real.

My imagination had never been the best, but it was like Erix was with me physically, encouraging me with silken words and an even softer touch. Deep in the recesses of my mind I knew something was amiss, but my desire had stolen any sense of clear thought.

It took no time for the heat to fill my length, building into a pressure that could not be held back. Breathless, I cocked my head back and cried out into the barren chamber. As the milky substance burst out of me, clouds of my cum dancing in the bath waters, disturbing my reflection – the desire disappeared instantly.

What have I done?

Only after I’d pleasured myself did it feel like reality caught up. And I felt sick. Unable to think clearly. I pinched my eyes closed, blocking out the world. It was only meant to be for a moment. But between the calming scents, the languid embrace of water and the utter exhaustion plaguing my body, I found sleep welcoming me with open arms.

But no natural sleep came on so fast.

Duncan waited for me, and all thoughts of what I’d just done came flooding over me like a cold wave. I lifted my head to find I was not in the bathtub at all but surrounded by the familiar sheets of a bed. Dust clung to the air, filling my nose, and clogging my throat. As I lifted onto my elbows, I took in the old attic room of Abbott Nathanial’s church.

The same leaning ceiling, stained-glass window, boxes of scrolls and a forgotten pile of empty bottles of wine scattered across the dark, oiled floor.

“Hello, darling,” Duncan said through a yawn.

I tried to sit up, but he reached his arm up so he could draw me back down to lie on his chest. “You aren’t going yet, are you?”

“This isn’t real.” I persisted, leaning forwards, unable to deny that it actually feltveryreal. “If you’ve come to punish me, then you’re wasting your effort, Duwar.”

“Punish you for what, Robin?”

The question hung in the dust-heavy air.