Page 84 of 16 Forever

And, for the first time in my life, I got to see what it was like to be the one in the relationship.

The one who couldn’t get someone out of their head.

The one in the incredibly good mood.

And I was. I really was.

Carter was funny. And hot. And charming.

And he likedme.

Not Vivian.

Me.

I told Mom about it in September. She was pissed.Do you notremember what he did to your sister?But I told her how happy I was, how I’d never felt this way before about anyone. Mom sighed and hugged me. We agreed that Vivian shouldn’t know unless it got more serious.

Soon after, it occurred to me:

What if Carter was stuck in this loopbecausehe dumped my sister?

And what if I could do what Vivian couldn’t—get Carter to sayI love youback?

I knew I was probably kidding myself to think it was that simple, but I couldn’t shake the idea from my head. Especially because I felt like maybe Ididlove Carter, a thought that filled me with elation and shame and terror.

And so:

On that last night together, I told him I loved him. And he said it back. He actually said it.

But it didn’t matter. It didn’t work.

So I was done.

At least Vivian never had to find out.

And yet.

And yet and yet and yet.

There was Carter with Tatiana, and all I could think was:

He should be with ME, dammit.

But of course he shouldn’t. That’s over. And I’m with Chord.

There is, however, this Layla Banerjee problem.

I knew from Vivian that, before her, Carter had briefly dated—or hooked up, orsomething—with Layla, which was why I used her name as a decoy in the car that night. Very smooth.

And then That Carter told This Carter about Layla’s existence,so now he’s going to apologize to the wrong person, and it’s my stupid fault.

Which meansI’mthe one who should be worrying about making things right. I need to tell Carter the truth before he humiliates himself on that call.

And then I say goodbye to him forever.

I sit up in bed—Shana dropped me at home after the game—and, since I don’t want to text him and reveal my phone number, find Carter’s profile on Instagram.

There’s just one photo on his grid, a selfie he took of him and Bodhi, with the caption:Walking around a random neighborhood like creepers bc we’re too early to a party. We are cool I swear.Must be from the night of Shana’s party.