Page 19 of 16 Forever

“Yeah, right? Like, is itthatintense to work at a circus?”

“Even if it is, I don’t think the dialogue at a real circus is that clunky.”

I laugh and dip a chip, wanting to revel in this moment. Simple. Pure. Two sisters joking around about nothing. On a couch. With snacks.

“How did you even have time to watch this?” I ask, reaching for another chip. “Didn’t it just come out a few weeks ago?”

“I would have it going on my phone while I was studying for finals,” Vivian says with a shrug. “It was weirdly calming.”

“Wow. And you were still able to pick up on the bad dialogue. Only Vivian Spear could pull that off.”

“Well. Let’s see how she does on her finals first and then we’ll decide.” She chomps down on a chip, and a little salsa gets on her chin. Her phone buzzes, so she pulls it out of her dress pocket and glances at it, frowns, and sighs.

“Everything okay?”

“Eh. Brand and I broke up, and they’re not handling it well.”

“What? You broke up? Why?”

Vivian raises her eyebrows and gives an exaggerated shrug. “It was getting a little too serious.”

“So you’re saying you dumped them.”

Another shrug. “I don’t want serious right now. I want fun.”

“Vivvy! No!” I say, shoving her shoulder. “I liked Brand! I thought this time would be different. That maybe you’d make it past the eight-month mark.”

“I thought that too,” she says. “But I was wrong.”

“Dang, sis. You’re stone-cold.”

“It is what it is. I gotta do me.” She chucks her phone to the other side of the couch. “So what’s going on with you?”

“With me?” I panic. I can’t help it. “Nothing, why?”

“I dunno,” Vivian says, “you just seem like you’re in a little funk. And Mom confirmed this to be true. Since last week.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, it’s not a big deal. I think it’s just... senioritis, you know?”

“I don’t think you’re using that word correctly, but okay.”

Here’s the thing: If I’m gonna be honest, Vivian is another big reason why I can’t be with Carter anymore. I mean, it’s stupid to say that because she doesn’t even know I was with him; she stayed in Philly last summer, so she was barely home during the time Carter and I were dating, which made it an easy fact to omit. But I irrationally worried Vivian would, like, silently judge me. Or worse, not-silently judge me.

I think I put too much weight on what Vivian thinks.

But... like she just said:It is what it is!

And it’s a moot point now because Carter and I are donezo. Kinda wish I’d never told Mom I was dating him. Then I’d have only my own judgments to deal with instead of hers too. And it would make this transition to a Carterless life even easier.

“If this is about your love life,” Vivian says, “you can totally—”

“It’s not about my love life!” I try to sound chill, but instead it comes out more like the villain in a superhero movie right after they learn their evil plans have been foiled.

“Right, sure, okay,” Vivian says, one calming hand in the air. “But if itis, you should know there are tons of people who would want to date you. You don’t have to be single forever if you don’t want to.”

“What makes you think I’ve been single all this time?” I’m not sure why I said that, considering it points her in the exact direction I’ve been trying to avoid.

Maybe it’s because she sounded a little smug when she saidsingle forever.