Page 37 of 16 Forever

“Apparently,” I said.

Carter shook his head and exhaled. “How could you know all this and not tell me any of it? I feel kinda... I don’t know. It’s hard to think that this is love if you were lying to me about all of this.”

“No, please don’t think that. I’m sorry.” I wanted to throw up. What was supposed to be a Magical Night Together was rapidly turning into a devastating one. “I messed up. I thought I was doing the right thing.” I put my hand on Carter’s cheek and looked into his eyes, a streetlight shining on us through the windshield.

He seemed so disappointed.

I turned toward the window and sobbed.

“It’s okay,” Carter said. “Don’t... I don’t want you to feel sad about this. If what you’re saying is right, then... then I’ll be seventeen tomorrow, and we can figure all this out.”

“And if I’m wrong...?” I asked, staring out into the night, the dark shadows draped on his family’s front lawn.

“Then we’re screwed either way, I guess. On the bright side, I won’t remember we had this argument.”

His joke wasn’t funny. It was excruciating.

“So what?” I asked, turning back to Carter. “Are we even gonna keep hanging out tonight? Or we’re just gonna be mad at each other and then that’ll be it? We see if you still know me in the morning?”

“I dunno,” Carter said, tapping the steering wheel with his hand. “I guess we could still hang out. You mean, like... to have sex?”

“Oh wow. Doesn’t get more romantic than that.”

“Well, maybe having sex is part of breaking the spell, right? So we probably should.”

It was like a smack in the face. “No,” I said.

“But it could be true, right?” Carter asked. “Not that I would have any idea. Just my whole fucking life we’re talking about.”

“I said I was sorry! I made a mistake. I should’ve told you sooner.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.”

I saw tears forming in Carter’s eyes, and I wished he would just let them fall. Instead, he turned and looked out his window.

I looked out mine.

We sat like that for a while. I’m not sure how long.

Eventually I felt Carter’s hand clumsily grab for mine.

I grabbed back, and we looked at each other.

“I’m pretty scared,” he said, and somehow this demolished my heart eighty times more than when we’d been yelling at each other.

“I am too.”

We kept sitting there in his car. And then he kissed me. And I kissed him back.

We made out for a while.

Gently. Quietly. Sadly.

We didn’t have sex.

Carter drove me home around nine thirty.

“I really do love you,” I said.