Page 14 of 16 Forever

I have nobody.

That’s all I can think as I stand near the curb in front of Tech Haven waiting for Mom to come get me. If Manny Alvarez, my best friend in the whole world since fourth grade, isn’t really my friend anymore, then who the hell is?

This one kid, Caleb, who’s a junior, introduced himself in the cafeteria today and said we were friends last year. So I guess him. But after I nodded and said, “Cool,” I had no idea what to say next. Caleb was like, “You doing okay?” and I was like, “Not really,” and he was like, “Sorry,” and he said I could come sit with him and his crew if I wanted, but I didn’t really want, so he slowly walked away, and the whole thing was awkward as hell.

Mom coasts toward the curb in her white Prius, and it’s only once I’m in her car that I realize it’s not Mom at all.

“Yo, bro,” Lincoln says.

“Holy shit, you can drive?”

“Apparently.” My younger/older brother smoothly pulls away from the curb, and even though he seems like a capable driver, it’s supremely weird to see him behind the wheel. I grab on to the plastic handle bar above the window.

“So how’s it going?” Lincoln asks. “I heard your first day sucked.”

“Uh, yeah,” I say, unable to take my eyes off this nineteen-year-oldversion of my brother. I’ve time-traveled into the future. And I’d like to go back now. “What’re you doing here? I thought you were at college.”

“Winter break, bitch,” he says with a smile. “Had my last final this morning, then I knew I had to get home to see my big bro.”

“Thanks,” I say, looking away for the first time since getting in the car. “It’s really good to see you.”

“You don’t have to be polite,” Lincoln says. “I know it’s weird as shit. How was Manny doing?”

“Old.”

“Ha!” Hearing that Lincoln still has his classic guffaw is like being in a crowd of strangers and finally spotting the one person I know.

“It was good to see him and everything,” I say, “but it didn’t feel, like, the same.”

“Well, yeah, CT, it wouldn’t,” Lincoln says, taking a left turn onto Wyncrest, which is in the opposite direction from our house. “Because he’s in his twenties now. You’ve been living completely different lives for a while.”

“Right,” I say, staring out the window. “Pretty fucking depressing.”

“It’s definitely not the best,” Lincoln says. “But you’ve made new friends. Connected with new... people. And you will again. I’m not gonna pretend it’s a great situation or anything, but it will feel better than it does today. And I’m sorry you have to keep doing this.”

“Yeah. Me too.” I think about all the memories Lincoln has of me that I don’t—whatever joyful moments we’ve had, hilarious ones, embarrassing ones, any stupid fights. I’m clueless about all ofit. Who knows if we’ve even had fights, though. Knowing Lincoln, he probably feels too bad about my situation to ever argue with me.

“But guess what?” my brother says. “Whether you like it or not, no amount of looping is keeping me away from you. I don’t care if I’m forty-five and people think you’re my son, I’ll still be here.”

“That’s so unsettling. A little vomit just came up into my mouth.”

“Yeah, I felt gross as soon as I said it. Sorry. But you get my point.”

Lincoln swerves into another parking lot.

“So we’re not going home,” I say.

“One thousand percent no.” He steers us into a spot, and then I see it: the bright red lettering that forms the wordsCheesecake Factory. “You need at least one good thing to happen today.”

“Wait, Jon Polito and Eli Rosenthal are a couple?”

“For almost three years,” Lincoln says. He nods as he sips his chocolate shake.

“That’s... wow.” We’ve been sitting in a booth chatting for almost an hour, our nachos and wings long since consumed, our round of milkshakes just arrived. Lincoln is bringing me up to speed on pretty much everyone we’ve ever known. It’s been a relief to think about people who aren’t me. Though I, of course, end up thinking about me anyway, as in:I can’t believe all this has happened and I have no memory of any of it.

“Well, it makes sense, right?” Lincoln says. “Jon and Eli always did everything together anyway, it already kind of felt like they were in love.”

“Yeah, I guess.”