Page 6

I don’t remember hearing my roommates come home last night.

I was so dead to the world. But I can hear music coming from the kitchen, which is next to my room, so someone must be up already.

We don’t have practice today, so I’m surprised one of them is up before me.

I’m usually the earliest riser in the apartment.

I’m not feeling as dizzy this morning or sick to my stomach, so I sit up and pause for a minute to test if I’ll get sick. Nothing, which is a good sign. Maybe I just needed a good night’s sleep. I’ve been moving on all cylinders lately between classes and golf.

I move my legs to the side of the bed and stand. Again, I wait for a minute to make sure I don’t get dizzy. The coast is clear, so I make my way to my door, unwrapping my ponytail and retying it.

When I open the door, I see Livi standing in front of the coffee maker in the kitchen, her back to me.

“Morning, Liv. ”

She turns and looks at me with a smile. “Hey there, sleepyhead. Are you feeling better today?”

“Yeah, so far, so good. I think I’m just tired from everything I’ve had going on lately. The heat didn’t help yesterday either. And why is it so hot in October? Freakin’ wild Oklahoma weather.”

“Girl, I know. It was brutal yesterday. I’m ready for the temperature to drop. My hair was a frizz ball from the heat.” She reaches up to grab a coffee mug from the cabinet. “You want some?”

“Yes, please. I need a pick-me-up so I can start working on some homework.” I walk over to the refrigerator to grab my almond milk creamer, which no one likes but me.

I move over to stand next to her, and she sets the coffee in front of me on the counter. I grab a stevia from the jar next to the coffee maker and rip it open and drop it in my mug, followed by my creamer.

“Em, that stuff is so gross. How can you drink that? It’s not even sweet.” She scrunches her nose.

“You know I’m lactose intolerant, and the artificial sweeteners in some of the creamers are so bad for you.” I bump her hip with mine.

“I will gladly take my artificial sweeteners over that. Yuck.”

She takes her coffee mug, I raise mine, and we clink mugs.

“What do you have going on today?” I ask her.

She takes a sip then sets down her mug. “I’m gonna drink my coffee, and then I’m going to go to the gym for a bit.

You know I’m trying to work on my swing, and Coach told me to do some strength training with the medicine ball.

After that, I’ll probably come home and get ready for the week.

Do you want to come to the gym with me?”

“No, I think I should probably sit out today and get some more rest. I can’t miss class this week, so I’ll stick around here and get ahead of some of my homework.

I am hungry though. Should we go grab something or make something here?

” My stomach is rumbling, which is a good sign since I haven’t been able to eat much this week.

“I’m just going to have some yogurt and granola before I head out. Plus, I’m broke until my parents add more money to my account next week.” She laughs.

I set my mug down and walk back over to the refrigerator. I put the creamer back and grab the yogurt for Livi. When I set it on the counter and open it, my stomach rolls. “Urgh. I was going to have some with you, but I think it’s spoiled. Does it smell weird to you?”

She pulls it over to her and leans down to smell it. “Nope, smells fine to me. Do you think it’s still that bug you caught?”

“I don’t know. Might have to go to the clinic if it doesn’t feel better by tomorrow.” I put my hand on my stomach and rub in a circle.

“Yeah, it’s not like you to be sick like this.” She walks over to the pantry and grabs the granola, comes back out, then pulls a bowl from the cabinet. “Maybe you should just try eating some of the granola without the yogurt, just to get something in your stomach. Do you want a bowl?”

Nodding, I say, “Let me try that and see if it helps.”

She hands me my bowl first, then finishes hers by adding the yogurt. As she does that, I walk around the counter, coffee in hand, and sit at the four-top table we have in our little kitchen nook.

I’m picking at the granola, and the smell doesn’t seem to bother me, so I take a bite. But when Livi comes to sit next to me, I smell the yogurt again, and I jump up, barely making it to the sink to puke.

There’s nothing in my stomach to bring up, so I’m really just heaving. I feel Livi’s hand on my back, rubbing it in circles.

“Babe, I’m starting to get worried about you. Are you running a fever or anything, or is it just the stomach and dizziness?” She reaches over and turns on the sink to rinse out the bile I threw up .

I shake my head in reply. After a few deep breaths, I lean into the water and pull some into my mouth. I gargle and spit it out in the sink.

“So, um, question then. When was your last period? Because I just had mine and I feel like we all usually sync up, but I don’t remember you saying anything about it.” She drops her hand from my back.

I close my eyes and think about when my last cycle was.

I had to go off the pill last spring because I kept getting migraines, no matter which one they switched me to.

I tried keeping track using one of those apps on my phone, but my cycle was irregular for a while, so it was difficult to keep the timing accurate.

Livi gets up from the table and walks over toward the coffee machine, where she left her phone. She walks back over and lays it in front of me with the Calendar app open. “I think you should try to figure it out.”

There’s no way I’ve missed my period. I take her phone in my hand and start scrolling through the calendar, thinking back to when I last remember having it. Between school and golf, it’s honestly slipped my mind. It’s one of those things that I don’t really think about until I actually get it.

It’s late October now, so I scroll back to September, and … nope. Go back to August. I do remember having a period in August, right before we went to California for our first tournament of the fall season. So, I’m only … shit. I’m nearly eight weeks late.

“Em, how late?” Livi puts her hand on top of my hand that’s now resting on the table.

“Umm …” I swallow hard.

My stomach rumbles again, and I drop her phone on the table and rush to the sink. I heave once, twice. This can’t be possible. I haven’t even been to any parties or even around any guys since—fuck. The end of August was when I hooked up with Archie freaking Griffith.

I turn on the water and cup my hand, filling it with the cool water coming out of the faucet. I take a drink and rinse out my mouth again. I put my hands back under the faucet and splash my face with water. I can’t even bring myself to say in my mind what I suspect has happened.

Livi comes over to me at the sink and puts her hand on my back again. “Babe, I think we should go to the store.”

Tears start pooling in my eyes. There’s no way this could be happening. I’ll lose my scholarship. Not to mention med school. And my parents. They will … I don’t even know what they’ll say.

“Okay, so before you start spiraling, let’s go. Or I’ll go and you go take a shower. Maybe you’ll feel better if you do that. And then you won’t be sitting here, freaking out.” Livi takes my arm and guides me over to the couch. She sits first and gently pulls me down to sit next to her.

“Where are Mia and Peyton?” The thought pops into my head when I think about how I’m going to deal with this.

“Neither one of them came home with me last night. They were both hooking up with some basketball players, and I think they ended up going back to their place. They texted us in the group chat at, like, two a.m.” She puts her hand on my knee.

I nod.

“Em, look at me. Let’s get some answers and then figure out what to do. If you’re not preg?—”

The P-word snaps me out of my haze, and I whip my head to her. “Shh. Don’t say it out loud. We don’t know anything yet. This could all just be stress-related or something.”

“Okay, yeah. You’re totally right. I’m gonna go put a sports bra and a sweatshirt on and run to the store. Go get in the shower. I’ll be back in a few.” She stands and puts her hands out to me.

“Just take my debit card. It’s in my wallet. I don’t want you to have to pay for this.”

I reach for her hands, and she pulls me up to stand. She squeezes my hands, then releases them and turns to walk toward her room. Me? I’m frozen in place.

My mind feels muddled as I try to run through how this could have happened.

And…what the fuck am I going to do if I’m pregnant.

This certainly doesn’t fall into any plan I’ve made for myself, my schooling, my career.

I’m feeling panicked by the thought of trying to go through medical school with a baby. Is that even possible?

And what the hell will I tell my parents? Oh, hey, Mom and Dad, I needed to get laid, and oopsie, now I’m pregnant. I’ve tried so hard to be the perfect daughter since my sister’s death. I have no idea how they’ll react if I am pregnant.

Slumping back into the chair, I take some deep breaths to try to ground myself. I’m a logical, fact-based person, and I know I can’t create a plan of action until I know the results.

Forty minutes later, I’ve showered and had a bottle of water, and now Livi and I are sitting in the bathroom, staring at three sticks lined up on the countertop. My back is turned to them—because if I can’t see them, I can live in denial for just a little longer .

Livi keeps trying to say things to make me feel better, but really, nothing is helping.

“Hey, Liv. You can’t say anything to anyone yet. Like, when the girls come home, you can’t tell them. If I am … you know. I need to figure out what to do about golf and everything.”

“Absolutely. Not a word to anyone. But, Em, I’m totally here for you. If you are, we’ll all be here with you the whole time. And besides, I’ll be an amazing auntie.”

“Livi, really? I’m trying not to have a complete breakdown here. How many more minutes?”

She giggles, and I turn my head and glare at her.

“Sorry. Sorry. Not funny at all. Not in any way, shape, or form. We have two more minutes left, but do you want me to look and tell you now?”

“You already looked, didn’t you?” I reach for her hand.

With a sympathetic smile, she nods.

A sob breaks free, and I can’t hold back my tears any longer. This can’t be happening.

Livi wraps me in her arms. “Em, it’s going to be okay. I promise. We’ll be right here with you. But I gotta ask, are you going to tell Archie?”

I pull back and wipe the tears from my eyes with both hands.

“I mean, how can I not? I’m not going to hide it; I wouldn’t even be able to.

My biggest concerns are school and golf.

What am I going to do? And I’ll have to talk to Archie.

I saw something on SportsCenter about him entering the draft this year.

I mean, this couldn’t be more complicated. ”

What I don’t say is that I’m also terrified.

My little sister died of a genetic heart condition.

I was fortunate not to have any issues, but that doesn’t mean my kids won’t.

So I never really even thought about having kids.

I’ve been so focused on getting through my four years here at Walker and then working toward applying to med school.

I clear my throat. “So, I think the best thing for me to do is find a doctor off campus for now. I’m afraid that if I go to the clinic, they will report it to the athletic department before I can figure out a plan. I really can’t have that on my plate right now.”

“I totally agree. I think that’s probably for the best. But you should talk to Archie first. Have you seen him since that night?”

I sigh. “I know.” I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “No, I haven’t seen him, but haven’t exactly been looking either. Of course I would have to get knocked up by the campus playboy.”

“Yeah, but at least he’s hot.”

“Really, Liv?” I look at her incredulously.

She laughs. “Sorry, I guess it’s too soon.”

“You think? I need to try to get his number. I bet I could get it from Dan Smith, but then he’ll ask questions.”

“Smith is a nosy fucker; he would definitely ask questions. Most of those guys are bigger gossips than any girls I know. But I think I might know someone who knows where he lives.”

“You just want me to go in guns blazing and see him instead of texting him like a normal person?” I look at her, eyes wide.

She pulls me into her arms again. “Yeah, babe. You need to go see him.”

I tilt my head on her shoulder and see myself in the mirror, then look down at the counter at the three positive pregnancy tests. Yep, I guess it’s as real as it gets.