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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

AMEDEO

Tucker hadn’t promised to make me see God or anything like that, but he came close anyway. Sparks flared to life in the edges of my vision as he spread me out and ate my ass like it was his job. I was a stammering mess with no words, only noise, as I begged him to make me come.

And he did.

Eventually.

He drew it out until I felt like I was losing my mind, and then he plunged two fingers into my ass, got a hand around my dick, fucked me with an off-beat rhythm that shouldn’t have worked, but dear God , it did.

I cried out, feeling nearly feral as my orgasm was ripped out of me.

My entire body shook as I came down, and he kissed along my spine, tracing nonsense shapes over my ribs as I fought to regain control of my senses.

Touch came back first. The hysterical numbness of too much pleasure began to wane, and I got lost in the calluses on his hands as they coasted over my skin.

My hearing was next. His breathing was soft and even, and he was humming something in his low baritone as he stroked over my body.

My vision was the last of the lost senses, the room slowly coming back into view as I blinked across the bed. I was facing the window, and it took me a long moment to realize why nothing was familiar.

This wasn’t his home, but it wasn’t mine either.

Something about that felt apropos—a sort of space away from each of our chaotic lives to be together. But I wanted more. I wanted this to be more.

Rolling onto my side, I glanced up at him, and he smiled down at me. The pale half-blue eye was shining, focused harder than it normally was. His prosthetic eye almost made it look like he was making direct eye contact.

I reached up and touched the scar on his face. “Did you choose the color, or did they match you from before you lost your eye?”

His mouth twitched into a surprised smile.

“Sorry. Is it…is it taboo to ask?”

“No.” He touched the tip of my nose with his finger. “Most people are scared to ask. Like I haven’t lived like this since I was nineteen and I’m still horribly traumatized. I blame crappy made-for-TV movies.” He took a breath. “I have a bunch of different eyes, actually. I have one that’s a hockey puck and one that’s the team mascot—it’s a wolf,” he said, like he forgot I was at the game. “I have one that glows in the dark.”

“Freaky.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Halloween. I also have a few eye patches for when I decide not to wear it.”

“Do you have to wear an eye patch?”

“Nope. But my eye tends to open if I don’t, and that freaks people out. I only ever really remember when I get that look from people in the supermarket.”

My stomach dropped toward my feet. “Do you think I looked at you that way?”

“If you had, there wouldn’t have been a trip to Father Elvis. Trust me, no amount of booze would get me to marry a guy who looked at me like I was a circus freak.” There was something in his tone, something pained.

“An ex?”

He blew out a puff of air. “You know why I was in Vegas, right?”

My brow furrowed as I struggled to remember. “Your brother’s wedding, wasn’t it? Bachelor party gone wrong?”

He swallowed heavily, then wrapped his arms around me. “They wanted to go to a strip club, but I wouldn’t have been able to see anything in the dark like that.”

“Shitty,” I murmured.

He shrugged. “I didn’t mind that much. I didn’t want to be there. Everyone convinced me to go—they said my brother was offering me an olive branch, like I was the one who needed to fucking apologize.”

I shifted up onto his chest, bracing myself on a forearm. He looked shattered. “You don’t need to tell me this, you know.”

“I think I should. I’m not the most put-together man, and you should probably know who you married.”

Rolling my eyes, I kissed right above his nipple. “I mean, we’re not really married.”

“My point stands.” He brushed a touch over my shoulder. “I was engaged at the time of my accident.”

I sucked in a breath. “You were nineteen.”

“Yeah. She and I had been together for pretty much all of college. She was with me when I was drafted. There was a scout there during the playoffs my freshman year. I was starting to doubt I’d get noticed. I thought my career was going to die with collegiate sports. And then I got the offer. It was…shit, it was a good fucking offer.” He closed his eyes.

“Tucker—”

“Killian was jealous. I mean, the dickhead had a full ride to Stanford, and my parents acted like my NHL offer was some fun little hobby that I was doing to pass the time while my big-brained twin went on to be a high-powered attorney.”

Oh. I hadn’t realized his brother was his twin.

“My ex was thrilled about the salary. I mean, first-year NHL prospects don’t get a lot, but it was more than either of us had ever seen all at once. It was enough to buy a house, you know?”

I didn’t, but I nodded anyway.

“Killian was always up my ass about being responsible with my life. And…he kind of had a right to be.” Tucker passed a hand down his face. “I was always the reckless one. It was hard to live up to his golden-boy bullshit, and screwing around got my parents’ attention a lot faster than mediocre passing grades. He followed me to a rave one night, and I got pissed off when I saw his butt-ugly face.”

“Butt-ugly? If he’s your twin, doesn’t he look like you?”

Tucker met my gaze. “He did.”

I realized what he meant.

“I wanted to make him angry, so I drank whatever was going around and took a bunch of pills I didn’t know the names of, and then I got behind the wheel. The rest, well…” He gestured to his lower half. “You know that part. Delia was great at first. She swore nothing changed. She loved me anyway. The team sent a rep to tell me they’d be taking care of me—they gave me a settlement and promised to pay for my prosthetics for the rest of my life. But as I started to get better—or, well, as it started to sink in that this was all permanent—she decided to go with option B.”

“Which was…?” I frowned.

“Same face, but the promise of a lawyer’s salary instead of whatever the fuck I was able to do after losing my entire career,” he said.

It took me a moment, but when I understood what he was saying, it hit me like a ton of bricks. “She…your brother and your ex…they—oh my God, Tucker. That was the bachelor party you were there for?”

“Mhm. I mean, they waited a respectable nine years to actually tie the knot, which is nice, I guess. I think she wanted to be able to walk away in case Killian’s lawyer thing didn’t pan out. I don’t think either of them realized it takes a million fucking years to get established. She assumed he’d walk out of law school with some fancy job offer. Instead, he worked for some firm as a glorified errand boy for almost seven years.”

“But not now?”

Tucker sighed. “Grapevine rumors say he got a promotion working for the DA. I don’t know what that pays, but it was enough for a big-ass rock on her finger and for her to want to finally say I do.”

Biting my lip, I tried to think of something to say—anything at all—but I was coming up blank. I settled on, “I’m sorry.”

He snorted and tugged me back down against him, squeezing me tight. “Don’t be. It showed me who I was willing to marry—and at the time, I probably would have been fine with it. I was a complete shithead back then. You would have hated me.”

It was hard to imagine hating him at all. But maybe he was right.

“I met my little family here. Bodie and Ford are basically my brothers. They’re more my brothers than Killian has ever been.” He fell quiet for a moment, then huffed a laugh. “It’s funny how people talk about daddy issues and mommy issues—like people who get all fucked-up for having shit parents. But no one ever talks about the ache it leaves in your chest when your sibling—a person who was in the damn trenches with you growing up—turns out to be a total turd .”

I burst into laughter, my body shaking with it. “I’m sorry I can’t relate, but I can empathize.” I hid my chuckles behind a kiss to his neck, and he hummed with delight.

“Your siblings don’t suck?”

“I have one sister, and she’s probably my best friend. And yes, I’m aware that makes me a pathetic loser.”

The moment sobered, and I felt his body tense all over. Pulling back, I saw his stormy face, eyes narrowed. “I really hate when you say that about yourself. Do you really believe it?”

Heaving a sigh, I dropped my head back down as he stroked a touch along my spine. “I guess it depends on your definition of total loser. My sister’s my best friend. I stayed in a relationship with an ab-abusive man”—I stumbled over the word, still not used to saying it like that—“for way too long just because…well, I don’t know why. Because I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not. I don’t know your ex, but I bet I know people like him. I bet he’s very, very good at making you want to stay the moment he drives you to the point that you’re ready to leave.” He fell quiet for a moment. “I don’t remember a lot of how we met, but I remember you looked so sad.”

I had been. God, that had been a terrible day. “He’d been unkind to me all week when he learned I was being sent to Vegas for work. He was passive-aggressive and kept accusing me of cheating on him, which was ironic since he’d been cheating for years.” I tasted bile in the back of my throat. “He had me in tears more than once that day, telling me what a sorry sack of shit I was.”

“I hope he never shows his face here. I will rearrange it.”

I squeezed Tucker tightly. “Not necessary. He’s not worth it.”

“I bet it would feel good though,” he said, shaking me gently.

I didn’t want to admit he was right, but I didn’t want to lie and say he was wrong, so I kept my mouth shut instead, and he laughed until we both started to doze.

* * *

Tucker was gone when I woke up. I felt a surge of panic, like maybe this was some kind of payback for what I’d done in Vegas. But rolling over, I spied a note scribbled on the back of a receipt sitting against the alarm clock.

Deo, sorry I had to run. I had an early morning doctor’s appointment, then a private lesson, but I’ll be at the rink all day if you want to stop by. Text me. -Tuck

My heart swelled in my chest. It was impossible not to compare this to Bryce, though this was not an official relationship. But Tucker had already done so much more to take care of me than my ex ever had. It made me want to cry.

I showered instead, washing the scent of Tucker off me and feeling a small pulse of regret that we’d slept instead of fooling around more. But I’d been wiped out, and I could tell that Tucker was wrecked from the game and then from spilling his emotional guts all over me.

The shower was invigorating, though the unfamiliarity of the place was a stark reminder that I wasn’t home—and that I didn’t know what home was supposed to look like now. I had to deal with the apartment bullshit since Bryce was refusing to leave, and Alessia only had so much sway.

As though my thought conjured her, my phone began to buzz with her name on the screen. “Hey.”

“You sound rough. Are you sick?”

I hadn’t realized my voice was so hoarse, and I didn’t want to tell her it was from deep-throating my pseudo-husband’s dick. “No. Just…tired.”

She hummed like she didn’t believe me. “If you say so. Did you get the wedding thing sorted out?”

I sank to the floor next to my suitcase. The top zippered pocket held the documents from Vegas, and I pulled them out, staring at our names on the license.

Tucker Banks, Amedeo de Luca.

But what if it was Tucker de Luca? Or Amedeo Banks?

Stop it , I ordered myself. You’re not a middle school kid with a crush.

“Hello?” Alessia demanded.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath. “Tucker’s fine with everything. He was kind about it.”

“He’d fucking better be, considering he was probably the one who?—”

“No, Alessia,” I said softly. She went quiet immediately. “No. Neither of us remembers whose idea it was, but I know this happened because of me. He was in a very vulnerable place, and so was I.” Everything he told me last night was now crashing down around me. Not only had he suffered immense trauma from his accident, but his fiancée had run away with his twin.

Now he was what? Going to stand up at an altar beside his brother and watch him marry her?

What kind of monster would ask that of a sibling?

“I know you, Deo. Better than anyone. I know you wouldn’t be that reckless.”

Except I would have. Bryce had pushed me to my breaking point. And I wanted to regret that it was Tucker I took advantage of that night to self-soothe, but I couldn’t. Not when he held me while I slept. Not when he kissed me like he meant it. Not when he praised me like he believed I was worthy of it.

“It doesn’t matter,” I finally told her. “We talked everything through, and we’re both good. He’s a decent guy.”

She groaned. “Oh God, you like him, don’t you?”

I wasn’t going to lie to her. “There’s a reason I picked him. But don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen.” Nothing serious, anyway. She didn’t need to know about the rest.

“If you say so. But I did need to talk to you about the apartment?—”

“I want out.”

“Deo—”

“No,” I interrupted for a second time. “I want out. I don’t care what happens. I’ll pay the fine to break the lease if it means I can start fresh. I don’t…hell, I don’t even want my stuff. I’m going to contact the office and see if he can take over the lease. If they agree, I’ll draw up a contract and sign it. If you could deliver it to Bryce, that’s all I need from you.”

“Your things are in there, Deo,” she said firmly. “Childhood things. Important things. You can’t let him have all of that.”

Oh, hell. She was right.

Assuming any of that stuff survived, I did have to get them back. And in truth, I doubted Bryce would have recognized important things to me. He’d go after clothes, shoes, hair products, the cheap dish set I got at Costco that he thought had come from Pottery Barn.

None of that stuff mattered. So maybe, if I could get there without him knowing, I could take what was important to me and go…somewhere. Anywhere he couldn’t find me again.

“Has he contacted you?”

Her question made my stomach roil. “Yeah. He, uh…he did. He knows where I am.”

“Wait. What ? How?”

“I don’t know.” All I could come up with was that he must have had my credit card or bank log-in. I’d blocked him everywhere else. I made a mental note to change all the passwords the moment I was off the call with her.

“What the hell did he want?”

“To know what I was doing.”

She swore under her breath. “Do you think he’s going to show up?”

I kind of hoped he did. With the way Tucker had his friends protecting me, it wouldn’t go well for him. I kind of liked the idea of Bryce pissing his pants a little when a bunch of hockey dudes refused to take his shit. But he was also broke. He’d been living off me for years now, and I doubted his little plaything would fund a trip to Massachusetts just to get under my skin.

“I doubt it. He’s not going to fly out here just to make a point. He knows I have to come back sometime.”

Which was why I was trying to avoid it altogether. But that was impossible. Damn it, I wished Tucker was still with me. The comfort of his arms would have made this conversation feel tolerable.

“Listen, I have to go.”

“Wait, hang on,” she demanded.

“I’ll call you back. I promise. I just have something to take care of.”

“Like what? You’re on a glorified vacation!”

She wasn’t wrong. But she wasn’t right. “I’m going to figure out my plans, and I’ll let you know as soon as I’m able, alright?”

“Yeah, okay.” She had to know there wasn’t much she could do other than concede. “I love you. Don’t forget that. And don’t go falling in love and running off with some asshole jock and leave me here on my own.”

My stomach leapt because I didn’t want to leave her behind, but the idea of Tucker wanting to run off with me wasn’t the most unpleasant thought I’d had. At all.

“I’ll talk to you soon.” I hung up before she could distract me any longer and pushed to my feet. There was only one place I wanted to be—one person I wanted to see.

And with the little scribbled note on the nightstand, I also had permission to go.