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Even though Xander had promised to dress me up, I put on a pair of my nicest black slacks and a dark gray top with tiny black flowers on it. I blow-dried my hair and sighed at my reflection in the mirror.

All my features were just so…average. It wasn’t any wonder why no one had ever expressed any interest in me.

And it really grated on my nerves that I suddenly even cared about that.

I’d never cared about gaining attention from the opposite sex before.

Usually, I tried to escape that very thing. But here I was, caring .

It did not make me happy.

What’s worse, I think I was actually looking forward to tonight.

I mean, what the hell was happening to me right now?

Grinding my teeth, I grabbed my phone and texted Dad, knowing he would ask the least amount of questions.

FYI, I’m going to my friend Xander’s house for a while.

After shooting off that bomb, however, I read over what I’d just sent. Little bubbles appeared with a forthcoming reply, and I panicked.

Thinking Dad would probably assume Xander was a male, and he’d start in with a dozen questions, I quickly added:

I met her in my Early American Lit class, and she and I eat lunch together a lot.

The bubbles stopped. A second later, they reappeared, and his reply popped up.

Okay. Have fun. Love you.

Sighing in relief, I wrote back,

Love you too. You two have fun in Houston.

Jittery after the exchange, I chewed on my lip and studied my car in the backyard through my window. I didn’t know the parking situation at Archer House, so it seemed easiest to just order a ride there. But first, I wanted to eat at my favorite Chinese place, which I could walk to.

Tossing my phone onto the bed before I could text Xander to back out of everything, I changed one more time into some black leggings instead of slacks. Then I filled my pockets with money, ID, and keys before I hurried downstairs to the front door and locked up behind myself.

Twenty minutes later, I entered the restaurant and waited in line before ordering my favorite foods. Finally, I found a booth in the corner to sit.

I’d never gone to a restaurant to eat alone before, but it wasn’t as bad as I always thought it would be. I really didn’t feel lonely at all. No one paid much attention to me, so I was able to people-watch with ease.

I ate at my own speed, not feeling rushed, and it was…nice.

Meanwhile, I wondered what Keene would be like at a party. As vivacious and outgoing as he was, he was probably the life and heartbeat of every single one of them.

I’d never seen him in that kind of environment before, and I just wanted to witness it. One time.

Finishing my meal with growing anticipation, I reached into my pocket for my phone so I could order a ride to Archer House, only to realize—ugh—I’d left my phone at home.

I debated whether to walk back to the house for it or to just carry on from here on foot. I was nearly halfway there already, so I ended up walking the rest of the way to Xander’s, using the Bridleway path for most of the trip.

It took me a little over half an hour to arrive.

From the way Xander talked about how everything happened at this place, I was expecting some kind of party central with couches and beer cans littering the front yard when I arrived.

But it looked like every other suburban split-level family home on the block as I neared the address.

Clean, manicured lawn, trimmed bushes, lots of curb appeal.

I faltered, hoping I had the right street. Sadly, I couldn’t check my phone to make sure, and I suddenly felt very self-conscious and exposed.

This was stupid.

Why had I agreed to this?

I was going to go home now. It was probably only, like, a fifty-minute walk from here.

I started to turn away, only for the front door to open, and Xander herself to step outside.

“Waverly? Oh my God, you actually came!”

As she dashed down the front steps, I mumbled, “Yeah.” I’d come. Still wasn’t sure if I’d stay , but here I was.

Her body plowed into mine for an excited hug, and I winced, holding still to let her do her thing, hoping it’d stop soon. When she pulled away, I exhaled in relief.

Squeezing my hands, she grinned. “I’m so glad you’re here.

This is actually going to be my first college party.

And I didn’t really want to go through it alone.

I mean…” She lifted her shoulders helplessly.

“I know Foster will be around, and Raina, his girlfriend, and all of their crew, but I kind of wanted someone just to myself that I could cling to all night. You don’t mind if I cling, do you? ”

I blinked at her, not quite able to believe she was nervous about tonight. She was so talkative and pretty and perfect; what in the world did she have to worry about? But it was also a relief to hear she didn’t want to leave my side.

“Since clinging to you was my game plan,” I announced dryly. “I don’t see the problem with that.”

She laughed and hooked her arm through mine.

“You’re funny. I love your wry sense of humor.

Come on.” Instead of walking me toward the front door, she steered me toward a bright orange SUV parked in the drive.

“Move my car down the block with me, will you? I don’t want anyone scratching it or barfing on it tonight. ”

I nodded silently and climbed into the passenger seat, glancing around at the other vehicles parked in the driveway. To our right was a black Ford behind a silver Kia Forte, and directly in front of Xander’s Rogue sat a four-door Jeep Rubicon with big, lifted tires.

I knew the Jeep had to be Keene’s even before I spotted the TYbr bumper sticker attached to it.

TYbr stood for Texas Youth Bull Riders. My dad had taken me to a rodeo in high school, and I’d gotten to see Keene in action. It had been breathtaking to watch. He’d won the world championship in the junior rodeo the year before, and after I saw him ride, he’d gone on to win for a second time.

And then he’d never ridden again.

I had no idea why he’d dropped it. He hadn’t gotten hurt, which was why people usually stopped so young when they were doing as well as he was.

The mystery of it still ate at me to this day. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know everything there was to know about him.

Chewing on my lip, I stared at the bumper sticker as Xander reversed her SUV out of the drive, and I tried to ignore the swirl in my stomach from just knowing he was inside that house. This was where he lived. Where he slept. And I was currently staring at his Jeep.

What in the world was I doing here?

“It’s funny,” Xander was saying as she drove us down the street, even though she didn’t look amused at all.

“I always pictured Liam being with me when I attended my first college rager.” Her eyes watered as she shook her head and gave a miserable sniff.

“God. It’s been six months, and I still glance over to say something to him when an idea comes to me.

Then, it just—it hits me fresh all over again when I don’t find him there beside me.

Ugh.” Wiping the tears from her eyes, she made a face of disgust and warned me, “Don’t ever fall in love, Frankie. It’s not worth it.”

I wanted to sniff. Unrequited crushes weren’t all that glamorous either.

Then again, it was probably for the best that Keene had no interest in me.

I mean, what the hell did I think I was going to do if he had returned my attraction?

After being raped on and off for five years straight between the ages of ten to fifteen, I couldn’t even stand human contact these days.

I’d been sweating bullets when Xander hugged me for three seconds .

I bet there was no way I could actually make it through a full round of real, consensual sex from start to finish.

It felt like a miracle for me to even be capable of sexual awareness.

I nodded silently and kept listening to Xander as she talked about her ex, telling me how they used to finish each other’s sentences and eat from each other’s plates.

“I just hope I don’t keep feeling like I’m missing half of myself for the rest of my life,” she lamented as she found a place to park a couple of blocks away and killed the engine.

“You won’t,” I assured her softly. “Other things will come along and fill that empty spot. Whether you want them to or not.”

Looking out the window at some guy who was taking down old Christmas lights on his house, I thought of Zane.

“You lost someone too?” Xander asked softly as she remained seated in the driver’s seat.

I nodded. “He wasn’t a boyfriend. He was my babysitter who was nine years older than me, and he had a lot of issues with depression and his identity.”

No one in his family had understood him; they’d refused to call him anything but Sarah. People at school either criticized or avoided him. I’d probably been the only person to listen to his hopes and dreams. So I understood how the pit had dragged him down and claimed his soul for good. But still…

“He’d been my best friend before he killed himself,” I murmured.

“Damn,” Xander said. “I’m so sorry, hon.”

And that was another irritating thing about Xander; she somehow got me to talk and open up about things.

That had been the first time I’d spoken of Zane since grief counseling.

Picturing his face in my head, I swallowed thickly and wondered if he would’ve felt as lost and alone in college too.

Or would he have found his people there?

I saw flyers around campus a lot, featuring groups and events that would’ve welcomed him wholeheartedly.

If only he’d held off one more year, maybe he would’ve been okay.

Xander squeezed my arm in sympathy, and when I glanced over at her, she gave me a big smile. “Well, tonight you and I are being each other’s missing person. Okay?”

Heaviness filled my chest.

I guess, maybe I wasn’t quite as alone in this world as I thought I was.

I nodded, working through the dryness in my throat and the stinging in my eyes. Suddenly, I was glad she’d picked me out of everyone on HaveU campus to be her friend. I was glad I had her.

“Okay,” I rasped. “Thank you.”

Laughing, she swung open her car door. “Of course. Now let’s do this.”