Page 59 of You Lied First

A fter the Forrests leave, I try to put my arm around Liv but she moves away.

‘Livvie, you have to understand what happened. It wasn’t my choice.’

‘“You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react.” You’re always telling me that.

So much for “Sara says”,’ Liv throws herself onto the sofa.

‘“Trust your gut.” “Do the right thing.” Do you actually believe in any of that stuff? Who are you, Mum? I thought you’d changed.

After all that happened; all that we went through – your court case, me moving schools.

I was just starting to believe that you really had changed.

That you’d learned your lesson. And now look. ’

The bitter tone of her voice makes my chest ache. I don’t know how to put this right.

‘I thought you believed in doing the right thing,’ she says.

‘I do believe in doing the right thing … but sometimes it’s complicated. Sometimes the right thing is simply to protect your child.’

‘Complicated as in: our friend’s died. Shall we call the police? No, let’s just bury her and let her parents search for her for weeks! It’s not that complicated, Mother! Don’t throw it on me. I didn’t ask you to do anything.’

‘It was the Forrests!’ I cry. ‘They were the ones who said we couldn’t call the police. I said we should.’

‘Yet you didn’t.’

‘Liv! Listen to me! Remember how you came back from your walk on the dunes and Guy told you breakfast wasn’t ready?

It was because I wanted to call the police!

They needed more time to persuade me to shut up.

They told me we’d all go to jail. You too!

Guy was very forceful about it. I believed them.

They’d lived there before. They knew what could happen.

But, mainly, I was thinking of you. You have your whole life ahead of you.

I didn’t want you locked up in jail in a foreign country. All I ever do is try to protect you.’

‘Well, maybe it’s time you stop trying to protect me and started acting with a conscience! You buried her and left her there!’ Liv sobs. ‘I can’t believe you did that!’

‘We didn’t have a choice! And, just so you know, every day since, I’ve regretted it. I feel terrible for Celine’s family. Dreadful.’

Liv gets herself a glass of water then gives me a withering look as she passes me in the hallway.

‘Well, I’m going to bed and I’m going to think about what I’m going to do, now I know that we’re all wanted in connection with a dead body.

I’m very sorry that you, age forty-eight, couldn’t make a decent judgement call for yourself.

Sleep well, Sara . Sleep well, knowing you were too weak to stand up to your friends! ’

She stalks out of the room, leaving me on the sofa in my evening dress with my head in my hands, my make-up down my face and my nerves shattered. The worst thing is, she’s right. I’ve made a terrible mistake – but now we’re all in so deep I’m not sure there’s any way out.