Page 68 of You, Again
No joke. I couldn’t fucking breathe. I flopped onto the bench and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, willing my pulse to steady. It wasn’t working. Voices and laughter buzzed in the air with a hundred or more of our friends and family nearby and I was slowly bleeding out.
I wasn’t one for introspection, but I knew I’d been here before. Always keeping secrets, always hiding in the shadows, always guarding something tinged with shame. It killed me that he’d put his name on this burden and carried it like a suitcase for years. And I’d let him.
I hadn’t meant to hurt him, but I hadn’t been brave enough to tell the truth either.
After all these years, I didn’t know where to begin.
14
NOLAN
Knock, knock
Ding-dong
I squinted at my watch. 7:28 a.m.
Knock, knock
I pulled on a pair of PJ bottoms and stumbled downstairs, rubbing sleep from my eyes as I pulled the door open, and—
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
“You left the party early and you weren’t answering your phone, and quite frankly, I was worried.” She cupped my chin and gave me a head-to-toe once-over. “You look all right.”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“You probably need coffee. I’ll make some.” She set her purse on the bottom step and paused. “Unless…you have company?”
I shook my head slowly. “No company.”
She patted my cheek and sailed by me. “Good. Are you hungry?”
“Mom…it’s Sunday and it’s early and…I didn’t sleep well last night. Let’s forget coffee, and I’ll stop by the house for dinner later, okay?”
“Would you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?” she called from the fridge.
I blew out a rush of air and slumped against the counter, warily wondering what this was all about. There was no way she knew about Vinnie and me. No one knew. I’d been so good about staying away from him at the diner last night. I’d barely noticed when he left with Trunk and Sienna.
I mean, of course, I’d noticed.
I’d noticed everything about him. The rigid set of his shoulders, the tightness in his jaw. My timing sucked. What could I do, though? Wait till after he returned from Miami with his beautiful ex? I wished she hadn’t shown up, but maybe she’d done me a favor. This was never going to end well, and there was never going to be a good time to remind him of who we really were.
“Um, scrambled is good. Thanks. I’ll make coffee.”
“Wash your hands, honey.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I agreed, rolling my eyes behind her back.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me. And please set a third plate. Your brother should be here any moment, but not Mary-Kate. She’s having pancakes with Margaret.”
“Margaret,” I repeated.
“Yes, my friend, Margaret.”Ding dong. “Open the door for your brother, honey.”
This was a lot.
I let Ronnie in, grunting at his overly cheerful, “Good morning.”