Page 51 of Worse Than Murder (DCI Matilda Darke Thriller #13)

I drive to the edge of Lake Windermere. I sit on the opposite side to where Travis’s car was pulled out.

It’s quiet. The only sound comes from the birds in the trees and the ripple as the water laps the shore.

It’s calming, soothing and I can feel myself relaxing.

The great outdoors is a tranquil place. In Sheffield, I go from home to the office and back again.

I live right on the edge of the Peak District National Park but never take advantage of what it has to offer.

That needs to change. I need fresh air and open space.

It really does clear the mind. Sitting here, like this, taking in the beauty of nature, my mind is almost blank.

Almost. But not quite.

Would it be fair to interrogate Alison Pemberton? She was only five at the time her father disappeared. She wouldn’t have had a clue what was going on while the storm was raging. Is it possible there is something locked away in her memory that can reveal the truth?

‘I was told I’d find you here.’

I know that voice.

I don’t move. I feel the emotion rise up inside me.

I know that voice.

It can’t be. Can it?

Slowly, I stand up and turn around. I’m looking at a ghost standing by the Porsche.

‘Adele?’ I ask, softly, disbelievingly.

‘Hello, Matilda.’

Oh my God, it’s her. She’s come back. I try to smile but the tears won’t let me. I look at my best friend. I take in the change in her appearance. She’s thinner. Her hair is longer. She’s tanned. She’s wearing a dress. She’s a mirage, surely. She’s in Sierra Leone.

‘Is that… is it really you?’

‘Sian called me. She told me everything that’s happened. I’m so sorry.’

Adele walks slowly towards me. I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming.

It’s not until she puts her arms around me, pulls me to her and holds me tight that I know it’s real.

It’s familiar. She’s hugged me many times in the past. I know an Adele hug when I feel one.

The familiarity causes my body to relax and releases the tears.

Adele is crying, too. We both are. We can’t stop.

* * *

We sit at the edge of the lake. Adele has her legs outstretched; her dress pulled up beyond her knees to catch the sun. I have my legs drawn up, hugging my knees.

‘It’s not like you to run away,’ she says.

‘If I’d stayed, who knows what I would have done.’

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.’

I shake my head. ‘You’ve nothing to apologise for. You were looking after yourself as you’ve every right to do.’

‘We’ve both been through the shit over the last few years, haven’t we?’

‘You could say that.’

‘We should have stuck together, though. I shouldn’t have left you behind.’

‘He would still have killed my family.’ There’s a crack in my voice.

Adele scooches over and puts her arm around my shoulders once again. ‘I still can’t believe it. Poor Penny. And Nathan and Joseph. They were so young.’

We remain silent as we try to make sense of the enormity of their deaths. We can’t. It’s simply too incomprehensible.

‘How’s Harriet?’ Adele eventually asks.

‘I’ve no idea. She won’t have anything to do with me. Not that I can blame her. I hate me, too.’

‘You’re not to blame.’

‘I am. I should have left the force after the shooting.’

‘And look at what would have happened, if you had. You saved Sian and her children from being killed by her husband. They would all be dead, if it wasn’t for you.

You are not to blame for the actions of others.

The only person to blame is the man doing all this.

Not you.’ She speaks with force and conviction, and I almost believe her.

‘Harriet hates you right now because she needs someone to hate and you’re the closest. When the killer is caught, when she knows who really killed her boys, she’ll come round. I promise.’

I take a deep breath. ‘You know, sometimes I think I can fight. Sometimes I think I have the strength to tear Sheffield apart looking for the killer. Other times I struggle to find the drive to get out of bed in the morning.’

‘You’re grieving. It’s natural to feel like that.

Look, Matilda, you’re not alone in this.

I’m here with you. I’ll be here for as long as you want me.

And back in Sheffield, you’ve got so many people rooting for you.

Christian, Sian, Scott, Donal, Finn, the incredibly sexy Odell.

They’re not just your colleagues, they’re your friends and they care for you.

Do you honestly think they’re going to sit back and allow you to suffer like this?

You say you don’t have the strength to tear Sheffield apart, but they do.

That’s what they’re doing right now. They’re fighting for you. ’

I stare out into the lake. I wish I was in the water, right in the middle, swimming, pushing hard against the tide, head in the water, blocking out everything around me.

‘How’s it going?’ I don’t want to know, but I do.

‘The investigation? I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to Sian for a couple of days.’

‘They haven’t caught him.’ It’s not a question.

‘Not that I’m aware of.’

‘They won’t, either.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because he’s gone to ground. He’s waiting until I get back, then he’ll start up again.’

Adele frowns as she looks at me. ‘Has he been in touch with you?’

‘He emailed me on the day of Mum’s funeral,’ I say, quietly. ‘That’s why I ran. I needed to put some space between me and the investigation. I need to sort myself out.’

‘Jesus Christ, Mat, why didn’t you call me?’

‘I couldn’t reach you.’

‘You could have left messages. I would have been on the first plane home.’

‘To be honest with you, Adele, I didn’t even know where I was half the time.

When I walked into Mum’s house and found her and the boys, I just…

I don’t know. I think my mind shut down.

I have no memory of getting from her house to the hospital.

I don’t remember going home. I don’t remember eating or sleeping or showering between then and the funeral.

I seem to remember Sian being there a lot. ’

‘Are you still getting messages from the killer?’

‘I don’t know. Why do you think I left my phone at the house?’

Adele digs into her pocket and pulls out my iPhone. She hands it to me, but I don’t take it from her. I want to hurl it into the lake. ‘I’ve charged it for you.’

‘I don’t think I want to know.’ As soon as I say those words, I hear Lynne Pemberton saying them not an hour ago. She said she didn’t want to know what had happened all those years ago, yet I believe she needs to discover the truth. I suppose I do, too.

I take the phone from her and hold down the on button. The screen lights up and I see James’s face smiling out at me. I quickly hand it back to Adele while it boots up.

‘Shall we go back to the restaurant?’ she asks.

‘That’s a good idea. I think I’m going to need one of Sally’s strong coffees before I go through my phone.’

‘She was telling me it was broken into last night. You and Philip were attacked by an intruder. Are you actively looking for trouble now?’ Adele asks with a smile in her voice as we get up and dust ourselves down.

‘It does seem to follow me, doesn’t it?’

‘There’s more trouble coming your way, too.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What the hell have you done to my car?’ she asks. She walks around it, looking at the splatters of mud, the dulled body work, the dried rain drops, and the twigs stuck in the rear wiper.

‘Ah. Well, you see, if I’d known you were coming, I’d have washed it.’

Adele opens the front passenger door and recoils in horror. ‘Has a dog been in here?’

‘Possibly more than one.’

‘I expect a full valet within twenty-four hours,’ she says, a twinkle in her eye.

We get into the car and close the doors. I put the key in the ignition. Before setting off, I turn to Adele.

‘Thank you.’

‘What for?’

‘For coming back.’

‘You didn’t think I’d leave you to go through all this on your own, did you?’

‘Are you staying?’

‘Yes.’

‘Permanently?’

She thinks for a moment. ‘I’m not sure about that. However, I’ll promise you one thing: wherever you go, I go. Got that?’

Why are my tears so quick to race to the surface? I bite my bottom lip hard to keep them at bay.

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. Now, let’s see how you’ve been treating my car while I’ve been away.’