Page 23 of Wishes in the Moonlight (Rocky Mountain Wolves #4)

~Amanda~

The picture Troy painted of my father as he described their conversation on that long-ago morning should have felt completely alien to me. After all, what kind of father, what kind of Alpha , would threaten the life of his only child and heir?

It should have felt completely alien, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t recognize bits and pieces of the man I’d grown up both respecting and resenting in his description.

In fact, the longer I thought about it, the clearer the picture became, until I wanted to claw at my temples to scratch it from my mind forever.

“My father never forgave me for the fact that I wasn’t a boy.”

Although I didn’t mean to speak the words aloud, they came out anyway. My head felt too full, too tight to keep them inside.

Keep going, Cinder urged. Be honest with him. Let your guard down, just a little.

“If I had a brother, maybe my father would have felt differently, but more children never came. I was all they got, and I wasn’t what he wanted.”

Troy’s hand twitched where it rested on the mattress between us, as if he wanted to reach out to comfort me but didn’t dare to.

My own hands had started to tremble, so I placed the soup bowl I still held down on the floor, folding my hands over my lap in an attempt to steady both them and my nerves.

Gathering all my strength, I raised my head and looked into my mate’s eyes.

“He could have named me as his heir outright. It might have taken some persuasion to convince the pack to accept it, but he had two decades to make his case. He never even tried.”

The emotions in Troy’s gaze were exactly the ones I had the right to expect from a mate and from my father: support, concern and protectiveness.

His jaw shifted, teeth grinding as he forcibly held back whatever words were on the tip of his tongue.

He wouldn’t interrupt me while I talked this all out; without a word, he made that crystal clear.

“I convinced myself he only wanted what was best for the pack. They would resist a female Alpha but rally behind a male one, whether that turned out to be my mate or whoever he chose as his heir when I left the pack. His decision didn’t reflect on me as a person; it simply came with the territory of being an Alpha and the responsibility he bore. ”

Troy’s jaw clenched so tight, I thought his teeth might crack.

“I told myself that, but deep down, it felt like a rejection. It made me cautious about opening up to other people who might reject me too. I threw myself into learning diplomacy and understanding how to represent the pack’s interests, since that’s where I could bring value.

All of that was ingrained in me from a very young age. ”

When was the last time I spoke about myself this way?

I didn’t even know where half of it was coming from.

My subconscious, maybe, or possibly from Cinder herself?

I only knew that now that I’d started, I wanted to keep talking, wanted to say the words out loud so they were no longer my burden to bear alone.

“So, when you refused to fight for me, it felt like the same thing all over again. It felt like you decided I wasn’t worth the trouble and you never even tried.

And my father knew I would feel that way because he’d conditioned me to feel it.

He told you I’d find it unforgivable because deep down, he knew I’d never forgive him either. ”

I could almost have been impressed by my father’s manipulation if it weren’t at my own expense.

Troy sucked in a long breath before he finally dared to speak. “Does that mean you believe me?”

“I don’t want to.” The words came out soft and quiet in the calm, demure way of speaking I’d adopted whenever I wanted to hide how I truly felt.

“It would be less painful to think you were making it all up but it’s that detail, the fact that he told you I wouldn’t forgive you, that rings so true, I can’t pretend that you’re lying. ”

He swallowed so hard, I could hear his throat working. “Do you think he was bluffing?”

Again, I wanted to. Inside me, the little girl who looked up to her father and thought he was the smartest, bravest man in the whole world begged me to state with confidence that my father would never toy with my life that way.

But he was also the man who traded me for an alliance and, when it didn’t work out, demanded Vaughan’s pack send his sister to us instead, treating both of us as possessions. The man who allowed experimentation on his own pack members when it suited his purpose.

There were sides to him that ran darker and deeper than I’d realized until even just a few weeks ago.

Did I think he was bluffing?

“No. I don’t think he was.”

Troy’s exhale sounded so ragged, for a second, I almost thought he might be crying.

But when our gazes locked again, his eyes were dry and achingly earnest. “You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that.

So many times over these years, I wondered if I threw it all away for nothing.

If it could have been different if I’d just taken the chance. ”

I could almost feel his relief in my own chest, along with a hollow pain I recognized all too well. In its emptiness, a little voice whispered ‘what if’. What if he had taken the chance? What if things had been different for us?

Was it too late to find out?

“Why are you telling me all of this now? My father’s been gone for weeks now.”

He nodded, as if he approved of the question, and his weight shifted ever-so-slightly towards me on the mattress. “I wanted to tell you right away but… well, you were still so angry with me. You had a lot on your plate, and it didn’t seem like the right time.”

I could read between the lines well enough: what he actually meant but was too polite to say was that I’d been a stubborn bitch who wouldn’t listen.

Told you so, Cinder hummed.

“And why tell me now?” I pressed, still trying to see the big picture. “Is there really a threat at all or did you make it up to lock me in here with you so I’d have to listen?”

Troy’s eyes glinted with that same protective edge as before. “The threat is real. Having the chance to spend time with you alone was a happy byproduct of keeping you safe. And the main reason I told you now is because of that threat and because of Kalo.”

“Kalo?” I repeated the genie’s name in surprise. “What does he have to do with it?”

“You said the necklace that summoned him was in your mother’s jewellery but she didn’t recognize it,” he reminded me. “What if your father put it there? What if he’s trying to set you up to fail?”

The suggestion landed on my already-cracked heart with a heavy thud.

Once again, I wished I could deny the possibility and proclaim my father would never do that, but after everything we’d just discussed, defending him would be laughable.

Of course he could have planted the necklace.

He had the opportunity and a motive, since I’d technically deposed him and taken over his pack.

He never wanted me to be Alpha. Now that I was, would he stoop as low as sabotage to take the position back?

How far would he go?

And by making my first wish, had I fallen right into his trap?