Page 21 of Winter of Passion (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
D arcy closed the door of his chamber and filled two glasses with brandy before handing one to his cousin. Then he sat in a chair while the colonel stared at him from the one opposite.
“I would have informed you the day after the ball, but since you insist, I shall do it sooner. I hope Elizabeth will not be upset with me for doing so.”
“Elizabeth? You mean Miss Bennet?”
“No, I mean Elizabeth. It is something between us, something very important. More important than anything. I asked her to marry me the day before your arrival, and she accepted. We have been engaged for more than a fortnight.”
“What?” the colonel shouted, standing up abruptly.
“Please calm yourself, Richard.”
“Calm myself? You have been engaged for a fortnight and did not take the trouble of telling me? Does Georgiana know?”
“No, nobody else knows. Elizabeth and I decided to keep the secret until after the ball. In fact, she asked me and I agreed. We do not even have Mr Bennet’s blessing.”
“But…why? How? Engaged to Miss Bennet? I would not have imagined that in a hundred years. I thought you two were just beginning to be amiable towards each other.”
“Yes, everybody believes the same, and it is not even untrue. Miss Bennet only recently forgave me and granted me her friendship.”
“My head is already confused, and I hardly understand anything. I need another drink.”
“I would gladly offer you all the details, but I do not want to break Elizabeth’s trust.”
“But why keep the secret? Why not tell her father? Mr Bennet seems fond of you.”
Darcy hesitated a moment.
“Bingley and his wife are already deeply distressed with all the guests and the ball. Mrs Bingley asked for Elizabeth’s support to manage the situation.
If we announced our engagement, the news would cause an uproar that might ruin the ball, or at least reduce its importance, and would spoil all the effort the Bingleys have put into it. ”
“I agree — it would be a shock that might turn into a scandal.”
“Besides, if we ask for his blessing, Mr Bennet would rightfully demand that Elizabeth return home. He would not allow her to sleep under the same roof as me. That would surely distress her sister, who would lose her support and comfort.”
“It makes sense,” the colonel agreed. “So what is your plan?”
“The morning after the ball, I shall go and talk to Mr Bennet. The same day, Elizabeth will return to Longbourn, then we can make a public announcement. Of course, I shall discuss it with Georgiana beforehand.”
“What about the Bingleys?”
“Bingley and his wife will be informed the morning after the ball too. We do not wish to bother them with such news and take their attention from their guests. They need no other distraction or distress.”
“I agree, they are already distressed enough. But Darcy, are you sure?” the colonel repeated. “You know I have always admired Miss Bennet, but I never observed the same admiration in you. Are you sure this is not just an impulse? Or perhaps…did something happen to force the marriage?”
“Nothing happened to force the marriage, and I am absolutely certain of my decision. You did not see my admiration because I was quite skilful in concealing it. But it was quite plain even when we were at Rosings.”
“At Rosings? I remember Miss Bennet saying that you were more enemies than friends.”
“I mentioned my admiration for her when we were at Rosings. Her feelings for me were different — in fact, they were quite the opposite.”
“Now my head is spinning. So you admired her and she despised you?”
“Precisely.”
“But how…?” the colonel repeated.
“I have committed many wrongs which justified Miss Bennet’s poor opinion of me. I was mainly responsible for separating Bingley from her sister and almost ruining their felicity. Elizabeth confronted me and accused me of that and other transgressions.”
“Oh dear…that might have been my fault!”
“Your fault?”
“Yes… One day I walked with Miss Bennet at Rosings, and I mentioned to her that you had recently separated a friend from a young lady. I did not know it was Bingley and her sister, but she certainly understood.”
“Do not worry — there were other reasons for her displeasure. Some in regard to my manners, others based on Wickham’s false claims against me.”
“That cur!”
“It was also my fault that Wickham’s lies were believed. I cannot blame Miss Bennet for my misjudgment, since I did nothing to make my side of the story known.”
“So she hated you when you were at Rosings, and now you have proposed to her?”
“In fact…” Darcy paused for a moment and gulped from his glass. Prudence, even decorum, required not revealing more, but the brandy and the distress, which had lasted for too long, demanded otherwise.
“In fact, I proposed to Miss Bennet in Kent, the day before our departure. I proposed, and she rejected me harshly and decidedly.”
The colonel stared at him in disbelief, frowned, and dropped his glass on the carpet, spilling the brandy.
“I cannot believe it…”
“Believe it. Believe that I was rejected and scolded in a way that properly humbled me and taught me how thin the line between selfishness and generosity is.”
“That sounds truly awful,” the colonel said, picking up his glass and refilling it. “Now I understand your poor disposition after we returned from Kent.”
“It was awful until I was fortunate enough to meet Elizabeth again at Pemberley. There, I felt I had a chance to improve her opinion. Apparently, I succeeded, eventually.”
“Upon my word, Darcy, I do not know any man who proposed a second time to a woman who rejected him.”
“Perhaps there is not another woman worth a second proposal. I did so, and I congratulate myself for my steadiness. I hope to have a lifetime to enjoy the fruits of my wisdom.”
“What a surprise…what a shock…and what a scandal will arise!”
“Perhaps. I care little for anyone except Georgiana and you. And perhaps your parents and your brother.”
“What about Anne?”
“Anne will probably have to suffer Lady Catherine’s response to hearing the news. I feel very sorry for her.”
“She will be as shocked as our aunt.”
“Anne might be surprised that I proposed to Miss Bennet but surely not surprised that I shall marry someone else. Lady Catherine was the only one who insisted upon this absurd notion of my engagement to Anne.”
“Lady Catherine insists upon many absurd notions — it is her habit. Well, Darcy, since you have shocked me with your news and have been so honest with me, it is time for me to shock you. But I need to fill my glass again.”
“If you drink any more, you will not be able to express yourself,” Darcy jested. He felt relieved that he could trust someone to share his burden but was also concerned about Elizabeth’s response. He needed to speak to her as soon as possible, though there was no apparent opportunity.
“Do shock me, Cousin!”
“Well, to be concise, I am courting Lady Laura. I mean, courting, courting. That is why she came here.”
Darcy needed a few moments to comprehend the statement.
“Well, you succeeded — I am shocked. Lady Laura is an admirable lady, but I have never noticed any partiality between the two of you.”
“Good…she insists upon secrecy.”
“So, what does this mean? How long have you been courting her? Are you engaged?”
“We are not. I called on her several times after we met at the theatre in May. You were too lost in your thoughts, and now I understand why. In July, I was already ‘courting’ her but only privately, if you understand my meaning.”
“I do not… Perhaps I do, but I would not wish to presume.”
“Lady Laura has been engaged before — to an officer who died four years ago. She…is a very clever, charming woman…but not as innocent as a maiden…”
“Oh…I see…”
“We seem to be a good match in every possible way, but she refuses to marry me. She claims that she enjoys my company but I am not the sort of man to be trusted with loyalty, which she would demand from her husband.”
“That is quite offensive, I must say.”
“It is, but I cannot blame her. I have rarely displayed loyalty for a lady, as you well know.”
“What if…your courtship…what if she becomes with child?”
“She claims she cannot bear a child. That was another reason for her refusal. She says she knows I would wish for children, and she cannot accept me procuring them from outside the marriage.”
“It sounds like a distressing discussion. I believed my conversations with Elizabeth were difficult, but I do not envy you for your share of awkwardness.”
“Precisely. Now, Darcy, I believe this is all I can say today. The brandy is more powerful than my wit, so I shall go and sleep till dinner.”
With that, the colonel stood up with some difficulty, leaning against the wall for a moment to regain his balance, and left the room.
Darcy watched his cousin enter his own chamber, and only then did he close the door.
He was a little bit dizzy, but he had not drunk as much as the colonel, not by far.
He needed to speak to Elizabeth; she was certainly in her room, probably changing after the accident.
Her maid might be there too. He had to either act boldly or imprudently or postpone the delicate and urgent conversation.
After another moment of consideration, he grabbed a book from his side table and knocked gently at Elizabeth’s door, holding his breath.
After a little while, the door opened to reveal Elizabeth; her eyes betrayed her surprise and pleasure, then a shadow of worry.
“Mr Darcy?”
“Miss Bennet…forgive me for disturbing you…I forgot to give you this book, and I thought you might need something to read. Is my sister with you?”
He glanced down the hall as he spoke, and, after another brief hesitation, she stepped back, pulling him inside and closing the door. He turned and locked it.
“I am alone,” she whispered. “In fact, I am with my new friend,” she added, pointing to the little puppy sleeping on a pillow in front of the fire. The little dog opened his eyes for a moment, then closed them again and resumed his rest.