Page 66 of Wings of Darkness (Daughter of the Seven Circles #2)

Chapter

Forty-Three

RONEN

F lying away from the hellion yesterday—and leaving her with Alexei, who maimed her face, although minimally—took more strength than I realized, especially with the rage boiling inside me from what Brockalian did to her ear.

I had to force myself to fly to Portal Lake to calm down.

Anytime her pain punctured my barriers, it sent my shadows into a frenzy.

I hadn’t registered the slices on her cheeks, but the arrow through her hand, I noticed that immediately.

I might not want to be near the hellion right now, but I also wouldn’t stand for her to be in physical danger.

Although I didn’t expect my third to be the cause of that danger. MJ was lucky she left when she did.

It was getting harder to control myself the more I was in proximity to the hellion. My shadows wanted to connect with her… and it terrified me .

That afternoon, I flew out to Portal Lake, knowing that if I didn’t, it’d cause me a bigger headache than I’d like. Sitting on the edge of the cliff, lost in my thoughts, something slammed into my back. I fell off the ledge, my wings burst free, and I banked upward.

My shadows lashed out and wrapped around MJ’s neck. They didn’t choke her, but they made it pretty damned uncomfortable. And like the insane female she was, she smiled. She always fucking smiled.

“That’s for not telling me Lucille was the daughter of Hell,” she rasped.

“Alexei—”

“Said nothing.” She tucked her chin and grasped at my shadows. “Lucille admitted to it this morning.”

“I planned to tell you today,” I said, resigned. After Lucille’s brilliant display of control over her Glory, I knew MJ would demand an explanation.

I let her suffer for one more second before releasing her.

She coughed, rubbing her throat. “Yeah? Did you also plan to tell me that Lucille is your damned cordistella?”

I almost forgot to flap my wings. Hearing it said out loud sounded entirely different than hearing it in my head.

“Alexei,” I accused again. We would have words.

First, he disobeyed my orders with Lucille’s training.

Then, he revealed a truth that was never his to voice.

The first, I understood, even if it filled me with dread.

Lucille didn’t know what damage she was inflicting on her parents.

I wanted to tell her. I thought about it daily, but doing so would jeopardize my life.

And still, I considered giving it up for her every damn day.

But to tell MJ before I had the chance ?

“Ronen!” MJ snapped me out of my thoughts.

“I love to blame Alexei as much as you do, but do you really think Alexei told me? I’ve had a cordistella.

He hasn’t. I know what the signs are, dumbass.

” She shook her head and stared long and hard.

All the fiery fight eased out of her eyes, and her face relaxed into something tender.

“I promise not to kick you off the cliff again if you come here and talk.” MJ plopped herself down.

I hesitated. I didn’t need to talk about anything.

“How much do you actually know about the cordistella bond, Ronen? Do you understand what happened yesterday?”

My silence was answer enough.

“I’ll do the talking until you’re ready, okay?” She gave me a small smile and nodded to the spot next to her.

This side of MJ always got to me. Her rare moments of tenderness were reminiscent of a time when she had a soft heart. The moment her cordistella died, so did the majority of that softness.

“I know the basics,” I admitted, snapping my wings in and settling next to her.

“Then I’ll enlighten you on the finer details.”

The way she unintentionally paused between her sentence, her voice softening at the end, made me reach out and squeeze her hand. I could only imagine this conversation hurt.

“The first thing you need to understand about the bond is that they weren’t originally intended for love. They were created for battle, but we turned them into something more. If you start at the beginning, we were created to destroy evil, were we not? ”

I nodded. Sometimes I forgot MJ was older than me. She didn’t always appear or act like it, but when she shared the knowledge of the past, I remembered.

“For us to be proficient in our mandate, they wanted us in pairs, and they figured the best way to create expert killers with less potential for death was to create angels that came from the same soul. As a result, the bond has certain attributes.” She gestured to her hand.

“For example, I imagine it hurt when I shot Lucille through with an arrow.”

Seven Hells, she didn’t even sound guilty.

My shadows shot out toward her neck, but I stopped them before they could circle. “Careful.”

She chuckled. “That right there is your praesidium. I used to tell Knox his surly bastard was coming out to play.”

“And I’m sure as you insulted him, he swooned at your feet.”

“You bet your ass he did.”

“So what’s the purpose of the praesidium?”

“It’s a part of the bond. Any threat to the other half of your soul, and your soul will demand a reaction. Even if you hated Lucille, you’d have no choice. A part of you will always defend your other half. It can be seen as romantic or pragmatic.”

“So she’ll be affected by this too.”

MJ nodded. “It’s a safety mechanism, just like the ability to feel each other’s emotions.

The more you know and can sense about each other, the better odds you’ll survive.

” Her voice became soft at the end. “Sometimes, stronger bonds can develop a mind-to-mind connection, but it takes practice, trust, and power. Knox and I never achieved it, but we were content with what we had. ”

A mind-to-mind connection… I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy that or hate it immensely. I had shields up at all times. The fact that she even infiltrated them unnerved me.

“Is it normal to be unable to hurt your cordistella?” I asked.

“Yes. You have to think of the bond as how can we keep each other safe at all costs? Physically hurting each other will never work. Emotionally, on the other hand, is a different story. You won’t die from hurtful words.”

Which was probably why her powers were able to work on my mind.

“Do you know about the scars?” she asked, grabbing my hand and flipped it over, removing my glove.

“It’s the result of full acceptance, isn’t it?”

Her finger brushed a barely visible red mark in the middle of my palm. “Yes. Which I see you haven’t completely done.”

I pulled my hand back. “No.” And I wasn’t sure I was going to.

MJ pressed her lips together, looking like she wanted to comment but refrained.

“The moment you both share scars is the moment you share your souls. It’s the ultimate sacrifice and ultimate reward.

You become whole again. You’ll always take half of their pain and share your energy when theirs is low. ”

“What if only one of us accepts the bond? Can you still share pain and energy?”

“Yes. But it’d be one-sided, and what you experience now will multiply until your other half accepts. It could cause issues, and you can’t take it back. Which is why you decide together to accept or decline the bond. ”

I ignored her pointed remark. “What happens if their energy is depleted?”

MJ sat there quietly for a moment. I almost regretted asking.

“Depends on the severity of depletion. But if you can’t make it to a healer, you have a choice to make. You or them,” she whispered. “Knox chose me.” She pressed a kiss to her hand and turned, blowing it toward the Eternal Forest.

“You’ll see him again, MJ.”

One way or another.

She took a heavy breath and nodded. “Even if you’re connected soul-to-soul, you won’t die when they do.

You’ll just never feel that wholeness again.

You’ll never be with someone who knows you from the inside out again.

You’ll never touch their energy and feel their joy or their tingles on your skin.

” She paused, closing her eyes and lowering her voice.

“Your heart and home are destroyed forever, and you will crave death.”

I pulled her into my side, having no words. Lucille and I weren’t connected yet, and still, I lost control when I thought she was about to die.

“I want us to have a choice,” I admitted.

“Who says you don’t have a choice?”

“You just said the praesidium forces you to protect. When she’s hurt, it’s like I lose all intelligence. I feel out of my mind. I try to block the bond from myself and her?—”

MJ grabbed my hand, stopping me. “First, the praesidium only wants your other half safe and free of pain. I’m assuming you’d want that for Lucille regardless of the bond?”

I nodded .

“Second, the cordistella bond doesn’t force emotions.

What you feel is all your own. You may be acting out of character because, well, honestly, Ronen, have you ever had romantic feelings for someone?

Alexei and I have only ever seen you with females you can have physically, but who have rotten personalities. ”

Ever since I came to Hell, I’d avoided relationships. I didn’t know the first thing about them. Connection and getting close to people always unnerved me. It took me years to accept MJ and Alexei as more than warriors I commanded, and a lot of trust.

The unfamiliar emotions of anxiety, worry, and… hope had slithered beneath my skin. I didn’t know what to do with the feelings. But the hope—the little bits of light I’d received from watching Lucille grow—was addictive and terrifying.

“Third.” MJ smacked me on the back of the head, and I grunted.

“You can’t block the damned bond! She deserves to know, and you can’t continue to use your powers to hide from uncomfortable things. You shouldn’t even be allowed to block it. The fact that you can is unnatural.”

She grabbed both my shoulders and tugged, forcing me to meet the weight of her gaze.

“You speak of choice.” She picked up my tattooed wrist. “You value truth. And yet you don’t honor either ? You’re better than this, Ro. Tell Lucille.”

I remained silent, burdened by my hypocrisy, but even more by my fear.

“What are you so scared of? Falling for her?” She grazed a finger over the red circular mark on my palm. “I think you’re already on your way. Or is it Gabriel? ”

I straightened and pulled back.

“It won’t be the same as what happened with him.”

“You don’t know that.”

She sighed. “Ro?—”

“It doesn’t matter. She loves another.”

The heat of MJ’s quiet stare burned into the side of my face. I knew she wanted me to talk about him. She always did.

“I wonder if she still would if she knew the truth,” she commented instead.

“I thought you said the bond doesn’t force feelings.”

“It doesn’t. The cordistella bond is still a choice. But the call to home is difficult to resist in proximity.”

Didn’t I know.

She stood and manifested her auburn wings, stretching them wide. “Ronen, don’t let your past control your future. Feel, be scared, love, connect, heal . No one can control you anymore—no one but yourself.”

MJ was right, as usual, and yet I still suffered from battling my scars. Allowing another being inside my head, even if it was just emotions, made my skin crawl. But I wanted to heal, and maybe the first step was lowering the block on the bond.

“Tomorrow—” MJ paused, pulling me away from my teetering decision. “Don’t interfere. It’ll be hard, but Lucille needs this—or the rest of the warriors will come after her. She can handle Moira.”

Shadows circled my palms, squeezing and releasing repetitively. Tomorrow’s challenge would be the longest day of my life. “I know. I’ll stay on the sidelines. Just make sure she doesn’t use her powers. ”

MJ nodded, standing at the edge of the cliff. “Oh, and if I ever see you with someone like Moira again, I will personally flay your balls.” Then she shot into the sky, a streak of red slicing through the dimming daylight.

Staring into the starry lake, I brushed a finger through the layer of shadows I kept between me and the bond.

Allowing the hellion in would be like spitting in Etan’s face. It would be a step toward healing. If Gabriel were here, he would’ve given me shit for not already doing it. And then I’d give him shit back, since part of this was his fault.

“Selfless bastard.” I scoffed. If that was what I should call it. I glanced at the large trees glowing softly, brightening with each passing second. “You better be in Heaven.”

Then I closed my eyes and lowered the wall.

The hellion’s emotions flowed, filling my head and softening the tension in my muscles.

One step.

The next would be to tell her—then release the block on my emotions.