Page 31

He steps closer to me, eyes narrowing as he goes.

“So love letter then?” I give him my back, turning to look over the yard.

“Seriously. For years, you two couldn’t be in the same room without some biting remark being thrown at the other.

Now all of a s udden, you’re volunteering to read.

.. That kind of scene, then making jokes at her expense.

” His accusatory glare stirs the pot already brewing in my mind. “Come on now.”

I cross one ankle over the other as I lean over the railing and avoid making eye contact. “You’re imagining things. She was flustered, and I took the opportunity to make it worse. That’s it.”

He leans against the wall opposite me, his eyes studying the side of my face, gathering intel in a way only he can. “Yeah. Don’t think for half a second I didn’t notice the way she looked at you or the way your eyes always find their way back to her, either.”

“It’s not like that.” I grind out, trying to hold onto my composure.

His face softens ever so slightly, sensing my growing frustration. “Then break it down for me. Because from where I’m standing, you’re both acting different. You took off like a bat out of hell to go find her this morning, and now, this? ”

My head turns as my eyes narrow on his, his expression guarded. Like he’s trying to gauge how far he can push me. “Even if there was something, which there isn’t, would it matter? Relationships aren’t my thing. You of all people should know that.”

His eyebrows raise slightly as a hand runs through his shaggy brown hair. “Yeah, I do. You’ve been avoiding them like the plague ever since—” he trails off, looking my way, testing the waters before continuing. “Since, well, you know.”

I know he’s right. These past few days, I’ve felt more like myself than I have in years.

I have her to thank for that. I thought it’d be hard to let someone in, turns out, Hannah was right.

For the right person, it would just kind of happen.

I sigh, “I’m going to chalk it up to the lack of oxygen in the air here. ”

He mumbles something as he walks across the short distance and mirrors my stance, leaning against the railing but with his head turned so he’s looking into the living room where the girls are talking.

“Yeah? That’s not what it looked like earlier.

Looked more like you were trying to impress her, or scare her, get under her skin maybe. ”

My hand finds my beard and rubs against it, as I weigh my words carefully.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. She’s.

.. ” I watch through the window as she wipes down the counter in the kitchen.

“She drives me insane. She gets under my skin in ways no one else has ever managed to. For years, years, I thought it was because I hated her. But now...” My voice trails off as I shake my head.

Zeke smiles deviously. “Told you there was a fine line between love and hate.” Yup, that does it. My hand meets the back of his head in a firm smack. His laugh bellows through the otherwise silent night.

Once he finally stops laughing, he looks at me, his eyes soften slightly at the corner, making the usual wrinkles there smooth a bit.

“For what it’s worth, Dr. Williams may be right.

Maybe it’s time to stop running. Not every relationship ends like yours did with Nikki.

That little firecracker in there? She may just be worth the risk, no? ”

I mean, yeah, she sure as hell is. And that’s the scary part. What if I can’t be what she needs? Would I survive the loss of a woman like her? “Hmm... Or, she just might be the person who makes me lose my mind completely.”

He grins, clapping me on the shoulder before he starts to walk back into the house. “Sounds like you’re already halfway there, bud. ”

“Thanks for nothing, Dr. Zeke,” I grumble under my breath.

His laughter follows him inside, when the door opens, the girls' heads snap in his direction.

Hannah smiles at him as he continues to laugh, Abby though?

Her eyes are shining, that gorgeous light brown catching the light of the soft glow in the living room.

I throw a wink in her direction, she immediately looks away as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

I walk down the outside stairs leading to the fire pit. There’s plenty of wood already chopped, so I grab a couple of logs and light a match. Watching the spark catch, turning a small, simple strike into a fire strong enough to warm me up almost immediately.

I sit in one of the Adirondack chairs and watch the flames dance. The crackle of it is a soothing soundtrack to the odd calm in my mind after that conversation.

When I used to think about dating, about letting someone in again, I was met with anxiety in an instant.

With her, it’s like breathing. There’s no hesitation, it just flows.

I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t even know how it happened.

One day I hated her existence; the next, I couldn’t wait to get my lips on hers again.

My hands find their way back into my sweatpants pockets, playing with the lining inside, when a soft voice clears over my shoulder.

I angle my head back toward the source of the sound to find Hannah wrapped in a huge blanket.

“Can I sit?” she asks with a level of hesitancy she didn’t have before I snapped at her.

I nod as she sits in the chair two down from me.

I don’t want her to think I’m mad at her, but what she said to Abby earlier was out of line.

Whether she thought she was my type or not, whether she thought it would hurt Abby’s feelings or not.

H onestly, it was out of character for her to begin with. She’s usually Abby’s biggest hype girl.

I don’t break the silence, allowing us to sink into the moment.

I know she needs time to gather her thoughts before she speaks.

It’s one of the things I appreciate about her the most, she weighs her words, she doesn’t just throw them around willy-nilly.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard,” she says with a slight crack in her voice. “I just want you to be happy, Tot.”

I hated the nickname when she first started calling me that, but now I find it endearing.

She’s let me in enough to give me a special name.

Maybe it’s time I let her in a bit, too.

“I appreciate it. But in all honesty, I really don’t want to meet your friend.

” I watch as her face falls, and I hold my hand up to let her know I’m not done.

How can I put this where she doesn’t piece it together?

“I have my eye on someone.” Her eyes light up as she sits up a bit straighter.

I’m sure if her hands were free, she’d be clapping them.

“It isn’t anything serious,” Bull friggin' shit, “but I’d like to see where it goes. She’s.

...” I try to find the right words to describe her, yet everything seems so inadequate.

“She’s really something.” Her dreamy sigh makes me chuckle. “Keep this between us for now, yeah?”

She nods enthusiastically, eyes full of happiness.

“Do I know her?” I mimic a zipper over my mouth, and she pokes her bottom lip out.

“Oh, come on! You gotta give me something. Is that why you’ve been in a better mood?

She makes you happy?” Understatement of the century, she makes me feel like me, safe and treasured, exactly as I am.

I don’t feel the need to hide myself; I just want to take care of someone and for them to want to take care of me right back.

“Yeah, she makes me happy,” I whisper. Before I know it, she’s launching herself at me.

Bringing the blanket a little too close to the fire for comfort.

I grab the end of it and pull before it lands in the pit.

Her arms wrap around my neck, whispering words that plant guilt in the pit of my stomach. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve the world, I can’t wait to meet her. I’m sure she’s wonderful. She’d have to be to make you as light and smiley as you have been the past few days.”

Hiding this from her might not be difficult; she thinks Abby and I hate each other.

I just fear that when she finds out, and she will because there’s no way I’m letting that woman in there go, it’ll blow up in a way none of us want.

I’ll give it six months, let them get through their wedding in a few weeks, and go on their honeymoon.

Then, maybe if we figure things out, we can tell them over Christmas. Yeah, that's a good plan.