Page 69 of Who’s Playing You (In The Nick of Time #1)

SCOTTIE ANDERSON

“ E xcuse me ?!”

“Yeah. I went for you,” he reiterated, as if that would explain this any better. He went on, “I watched people have sex for you. I studied fucking human sexuality for you . I pierced my cock for you .”

My jaw was on the ground. What the actual… what did he just say?

I sputtered and was unable to come up with a response.

“Just wait. Alright? Don’t take this like I’m blaming you or something ridiculous like that.

I’m not. Instead, you were more like the inspiration - the catalyst. I studied human sexuality so that I could learn everything there was to learn about sex.

I wanted to learn all of the ways that I could satisfy and bring you pleasure.

That’s also why I had my dick pierced because of all the ways it is supposed to enhance the experience for both partners, but primarily for you. ”

“Umm… that may seem sweet and flattering to some, but you realize how weird as fuck that also is right?”

“Jesus, this is coming out all wrong,” he responded, obviously frustrated with himself and this whole situation.

“You know I’m obsessed with you. You are well aware by now that I fell for you the first time that I met you, which only intensified the more I got to know you.

I quickly learned that this wasn’t some stupid crush, my feelings for you were and are the real thing.

I knew that one day I would get my shot with you.

I just had to wait until the stars aligned.

I would first have to wait to be old enough for you to even consider me somewhat of a contemporary, but also be established enough to take care of you. ”

I just stared at him. He was either the sweetest man alive, or the fucking craziest.

“I wanted to be set up in life so that you’d think I was worthy of you. You’re the whole fucking package, baby. I never thought I’d have a snowball’s chance in hell, so I spent years becoming my best self - for you. For you and me.”

“Mhmm. Okayyyy,” I dragged it out as I let out a puff of air. “I don’t understand how the sex club factors into all of this though.”

“I wanted to know all of the ways that I could satisfy you - to bring you pleasure. That’s why, while I worked towards being the best college quarterback in the country so that I’d guarantee that I’d get drafted to the pros and could take care of you financially as well as feel worthy and accomplished, I also studied human sexuality so I could learn everything there is to learn about sex. ”

“A-ha. Okay,” I nodded my head, trying to put the puzzle pieces together.

“When Loving first suggested going to this new club with him, I obviously went. But when I saw what people were doing… well, I felt like it was a chance for me to put into action what I was studying.”

“So you studied erogenous zones, blood flow and endorphins, sexual positions and all that stuff, and then went to the sex club and tried it out on virtual strangers, got it,” I clipped back, feeling super pissed, possessive and jealous, even though I knew I had no right to feel that way.

I didn’t own him, and I didn’t even know him during this time of his life.

“No, Scottie, that’s not what happened. Yes, I studied all of that and a lot more. But when I went to the club, I would only ever watch, and then later I’d… direct people. I can promise you that not once did I touch another person in either of those clubs.”

I couldn’t help but scoff, “I find that hard to believe.” To which he glared at me. “You’re the most sexual person that I’ve ever encountered, Nicholas. I can’t believe that you went to an actual sex club and didn’t even touch another person,” I spewed.

“Goddammit Scottie!” He raised his voice slightly before spilling a truth I never expected, “Until you, I had never even touched another person in any sexual way!”

I slow-blinked.

And again.

“ What ?”

“That’s right. Until we first had sex in September, I was a virgin, alright?!”

“A-a vir…”

“A virgin!”

“Bu-but, no I can’t believe…”

“Believe it. After I first met you, I wanted every single one of my firsts to be with you. And so far? You’ve had them.”

I just stared at him, slack-jawed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So I could get this reaction? No thanks. I also didn’t need to tell you this ahead of time and then you respond by telling me ‘thanks but no thanks’ and not going through with…

dating me, sex or whatever. I planned on telling you though, eventually.

I just didn’t feel it needed to be told at the start of our relationship. ”

“I mean, I get that it’s your business but… okay, yeah I get that it’s your business to share,” I was letting the words free-flow from my brain as I thought them and they were all coming out jumbled and on repeat.

“I’ve never lied to you about any of this, Scottie.

If you think back to some of our conversations…

I mean, I said things, maybe not directly, but indicating my inexperience.

But I never lied to you. Just like when I told you that I wasn’t a playboy like Loving and Papas, I meant it and was telling you the truth.

Because I wasn’t ever a playboy. I was saving myself for you , and the very thought of even touching another woman gave me hives and made me feel physically ill. ”

“So you’ve just been, what? Waiting ten years for me? You spent half of your teen years and all of your college career still a virgin, taking a risk on a chance with… me ?”

“I’d wait a lifetime for you, Scottie. If it meant that I could have what we’ve shared these past few months - and what we’ll now share for the rest of our lives,” he said as he gently rubbed my belly. “I’d gladly wait an eternity.”

I couldn’t help the tears that welled in my eyes. I had had this all so wrong.

I’d judged him from the very day that I met him, objectified him.

I assumed that he played the part of what he projected and looked like, that he was some prototypical playboy who probably screwed around.

And I’d made some comments indicating that assumption to him, as jokes - sure, but I deeply regretted them now.

“Oh God, Nicholas. I’m so-so sorry! I made horrible assumptions… and comments. They were so out of line. I’m sorry that I assumed you were some sort of playboy or… worse.” I hung my head in shame.

“Well, based on the company I’ve kept,” he began and I could hear the teasing in his voice at his friends’ expense, “I guess that’s why people assume, well that and the whole college athlete thing.”

We both smiled at the other and it felt like both of our tempers and frustrations from earlier had eased some.

“Can I ask another question?”

“Honey, you can ask me anything.”

“You said you would go and watch and then… direct. What does that mean?”

He let out a deep sigh. “Voyeurism isn’t really my thing, but I had to resort to it for obvious reasons.

It’s not like it did much for me sexually speaking, except spark my curiosity and helped me add items to my list of things I wanted to do with you.

My worst fear was that my inexperience with the actual sexual acts would make me come off like some sort of fumbling fool when I finally got my chance to share these things with you.

So even though I studied absolutely everything I could and I understood all aspects from a physiological, mental and emotional perspective - I had no point of actual reference.

I didn’t know how these things actually felt . ”

I listened intently as he showed me his most inner vulnerabilities.

“So the sex club afforded me to move from the textbook to see things in - action - for a lack of a better word. At first, just watching proved to be helpful. I felt like it helped me gain some real-life experience without actually physically participating. But after a while, I felt myself progressing. My interests and my preferences were changing and developing. I was learning what I thought I would like and dislike.”

Was I crazy that what he was saying was actually making sense to me?

“So when just watching didn’t feel fulfilling anymore, well that’s when I stepped out from the shadows.

I-I kind of joined in with couples or groups of people who were engaging in all forms of sex.

I made it very clear to all of them that my only participation would be as the person directing them.

No one ever touched me and I never touched anyone else. ”

“Dir-directing?

“Yes. I would tell them what to do.”

“So like… you’d sit, watch, and tell them what to do to one another? Like a daddy dom or something?”

“Yes. But they never called me ‘daddy dom’. You can though,” he winked at me before turning serious again. “But yeah, I’d watch, tell them exactly what to do and once they did, I’d have them tell me what things felt like.”

“I bet you graduated with a 4.0 GPA, didn’t you?”

“Summa cum laude, baby!”

We both laughed. Somehow it felt good to laugh after all of this serious talk.

Nicholas crept on his knees before me, his hands landing on the outside of my thighs and he leaned forward to kiss my stomach again as he sighed so heavily, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. I ran my fingers through his hair and his head collapsed into my lap.

“I’m so sorry, honey. I hate that I had to tell you like this. I hate that I’m putting all this stress on you and baby bean. I hate that I even put us in this position.”

“Shh. It’s okay. Both bean and I are okay.

This is just a lot to take in. I’ll need some time…

But,” I let out a heavy breath as I closed my eyes and shared with him what I felt deep in my soul, “ You and I are okay, too,” I assured him as I continued to run my fingers through his freshly cut black hair.

“You mean that?”

“Even though I really hate the fact that you were in a place like that,” I said with a hint of exhaustion in my voice, “if what you’re telling me is all true, I don’t know… I feel like I understand and even maybe sympathize with your logic?”

It wasn’t meant to come out as a question, but it did.

“Scottie, I swear to God, all of it - in my head, in my logic - I was doing it for you and for us. I wanted to be the one person that you could rely on to give you absolutely everything. I have worked so hard to become the best version of myself not only for myself, but also for us. And I knew because of my decision to stay devoted to you and you alone, I didn’t want to be lacking when it came to our sex life.

As I hope I explained well enough, my deepest desire and wish was to study everything that I could so that I could give you the greatest pleasure that you’d ever experienced. Every time.”

He let that sit for a minute. “So yeah. I studied sex in college for four years, for you. I pierced my dick multiple times, mind you, so that I could enhance your pleasure. I went to sex clubs and watched people, for you. All I want is to make you… happy.”

My hands cupped both of his cheeks as he looked up at me on his knees before me. I looked so deep into his steely grey eyes and all I could see was love, devotion and fear.

The fear of losing me was very real for him.

“You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life,” I told him honestly.

“I may not have had a bad upbringing and adulthood until I met you a few months ago, but it also wasn’t necessarily a joyous life.

I’ve basically spent my life, up until you, feeling abandoned and unwanted in some way. But you,” I stopped and took a breath.

I continue, “You make me feel so fucking loved ! You make me feel wanted, desired, and so happy. It feels like I have lived more in the last couple of months with you than I have in all my years prior. Even though most people would consider what you did so messed up, daresay deranged, I find it… endearing,” I said that last word and gave him a coy little smile.

“I think it makes me just as crazy as you though,” I added and laughed.

Nicholas rose up and slid his arms around my body before his lips found mine. “Sweetheart, I’d choose our flavor of crazy any day of the week, for eternity.”

“Well alright then,” I replied and chuckled. “I guess we’re in agreement then.”

He laughed at my response as he kissed my lips again. “So you forgive me?”

“It’s going to take me some time, and we will have to talk more about this… But as long as you promise you’ll never lie to me or keep secrets from me.”

“ Going forward , I will never keep anything from you that you should know about. Scout’s honor,” he said as he put his right hand up and did the scout’s honor sign.

“Glad we cleared all of that up for now. But I’m going to reiterate that I need time to process all of this and I’m sure I’ll have more questions. For now though, I guess you don’t have to stress about this whole thing as much now that you told me, huh?”

“Of course, honey. We’ll talk as much as you need, ask me whatever you need to ask me.

I’ll tell you everything. And, well…” he began and then he proceeded to tell me about his conversation with his two best friends.

That’s when he dropped yet another bombshell on me, on how he’d screwed his friends over.

His words, not mine.

He explained that his desperation to be near me, to try to meet me and for us to get to know each other took over everything and that’s why he came to New York instead of going where he and his friends had dreamed of going.

He shared how he’d come across my workshop over the summer and how he thought it was divine intervention.

He explained that that is why he booked all my slots because he wanted to be one-on-one with me so we could get to know each other.

I must be drinking his Kool-Aid because he had me swooning over his level of dedication and love for me.

The rest of the story I knew, except for the conversation that he had just had with Nic and Nik.

He then told me how that had gone, how Loving told him his sex club scandal news, which led to Nicholas’ confession and subsequently led to the guys, effectively, telling him to go fuck himself before they hung up on him.

“I can’t say I really blame them…” I hedged.

“Nah. I don’t blame ‘em,” he said. “I deserved it. All of it.”

“So, now what?”

“Now…” he blew out a raspberry. “Now I take care of you and baby bean. And then I try to figure out how the hell I can work on begging my two best friends for forgiveness.”