Page 4

4

Hex

Aran is being weird. Weider than usual. It started after I demanded a kiss that he, as always, turned down. I could’ve gone in for a surprise attack, but he’s too fast, so that never works and only makes him sulk and not talk to me for at least an hour. Plus, we do have to blend in and observe the guests, and it would suck if I ruined things just because I can’t keep it in my pants.

Our mission is the priority, I remind myself. Stop the bad guys and their drug first, then the sexiest man on Earth will be your reward. You got this.

When we finish our shift and return to our cabin to rest, everything will be fair game, though. And I just might have something in mind already. Whether it will lift his mood like I expect it to, or completely backfire, is up for debate. But I’m willing to take that risk.

The first hour of shadowing Aran is kind of boring. There are no people on the entertainment deck, and thanks to the area with the rides, the whole place feels like one of those desolate dystopian theme parks. Minus the falling-apart aspect, of course. Everything is in pristine condition, clean and sparkly and waiting to be made a mess of.

I wish I could do that, like right now. It’s been a while since I last rode a roller coaster. On the other hand, there are also a bunch of restaurants that I could hit up. I didn’t eat anything since I spent the morning messing around the ship’s roster systems, so I am a bit hungry.

The orderliness of our surroundings reminds me of Aran, the way he’s always prim and proper. Even when his hair sticks out of his bun or low ponytail, it looks stylish, intentional. It’s the way he speaks too, that calm timbre that never rises in volume even when I’ve gone a step too far teasing him. Sometimes, it makes me think he likes it. That he enjoys my dumbass comments and attempted kiss attacks. That he craves them even. I don’t know why, it’s just a gut feeling, something my body picks up on without my or his input. It’s like how he knows I’m hungry, or how he can tell just with a glance if I like something or not. He’s amazing like that.

“Things are about to get busy.” He shoves a cocoa-orange nuts and fruit bar into my hand.

I blink up at him, my cheeks growing warmer. Here he strikes again, being able to tell what I need like it’s the most natural thing. How does he know I’m hungry? He must have anticipated it too, considering he came prepared with my favorite healthy snack. Swoon .

“Finally. Can’t wait to see who these mysterious guests are.”

And I mean it. I’ll do more digging tonight, but if the organizers went to the trouble of creating that coded guest list, I’m not holding much hope. Not that I’d give up. We are on a super important mission, and we have objectives to meet. I’ve never lost a game before, and I won’t lose now either. We will find out who these people are and how exactly they are involved with that nasty drug. And then we’ll go from there. I know that at its core, this is supposed to be just a recon mission, but if Sudo Hex can do something to thwart the assholes’ likely evil plan, he most definitely will.

Aran leads me to his post by the small stage where dancers are already gathering. The massive doors atop the bifurcated staircase across from us swing open. I hold my breath. Here the guests come. It’s showtime.

Unfortunately, my excitement is short-lived. Everyone is wearing a mask, as expected. Of course they are. They can’t risk the staff recognizing them. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t be the case, and that Aran might be able to memorize a few faces so we can identify them later tonight. Not me, I’m shit with faces, names too. But there are still ways I can impress Aran if we get a lead on who the guests might be.

The masks vary, from Venetian to half-face ones, as groups of threes and fours descend the ornate staircase. I hear all kinds of languages, recognizing among them English, Japanese, Thai, Spanish, Russian and German. I’m only fluent in the first three, but even so, the cacophony of sounds and chatter as background music begins playing is too distracting.

I don’t like noisy places. They make my head feel like it’s being squished so hard it’s about to explode. It’s something about the combination of high volume and variety along with my brain’s need for fewer stimuli in order to actually function. I just get overwhelmed easily, lost in everything that’s happening around me. Bright flickering lights, overcrowded spaces, too many scents can all confuse me in the same way, but sound is the most problematic of them. And the hardest to avoid. My custom-made, noise-canceling headphones help a ton, but when I am posing as security on a secret luxurious cruise, I can’t exactly wear them while on duty.

The dancers climb onto the stage near us and line up for their performance. Music explodes from the four massive speakers, reverberating through the floor and into my entire body. In no time, my head begins throbbing with sharp pain along the sides and temples.

This was a bad idea. Maybe I should’ve stayed in the kitchen after all. I can’t cook, but I can pretend that I can. Probably.

Part of the crowd congregates around the stage to watch the performance. Cologne and perfume mix into a potent and nauseating smell that mercilessly assaults my nose. The loud cheering and clapping and stomping of feet around me causes the world to spin. Cold sweat breaks out all over me as I fight suffocation. Everything just got too much too quickly. I underestimated what a sudden rush of people could do to me. I thought I had prepared myself.

Heaving in an attempt to get enough air to my lungs, I squeeze my eyes shut. We’re so screwed if I don’t get myself under control and end up blowing our cover.

Calm down, Hex. You got this. Just calm down. This is all part of the plan. The crowd is good. It makes it easier to blend in. Just stick to the script and you will be fine. This panic shit only happens the first time, just until you get used to the surroundings. Five more minutes and it will be over.

But it doesn’t work. My eyes are open a moment later, unable to look away from my impending end. Still, I try to come out on top and get to the part where I am okay with being around people. I try to subdue the imaginary monster attempting to best me. But no matter how I try to convince myself that everything is proceeding according to plan, that I am still the one in control, I’m past the point of no return. There are too many stimuli from every direction, too much noise and too many faces and masks. It’s all rushing toward me, a terrifying amalgamation of color and sound and smell that I can’t effectively tune out. It will crash into me and devour me, erasing everything that I am until I become part of it, too.

Shit, I really underestimated the toll that returning to society for the first time in ages might take on me.

I claw at my neck, my eyes rolling back as the black spots in my vision intensify. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m about to pass out and ruin everything. My head pulsates, my body trembling as my knees turn to jelly. Part of me regrets coming here. I should’ve let Leo or Kieran handle this, but the prospect of spending so much alone time with Aran and finally making him fall in love with me was not something I could pass on.

Except it backfired. Majorly. So, here it comes, the premature and embarrassing end to Sudo Hex’s greatest adventure. And I didn’t even get to kiss my dream man. FML.

The head-spinning view suddenly vanishes, gone between one blink and another. I can’t believe my eyes. All I can see is black and mesh, working together to create a uniform scenery that my brain can anchor itself to.

“Follow my voice,” a deep bass says calmly, standing out amidst the mindless cacophony. It’s the only tangible thing, a fleeting lifeline that I can grab onto and stay afloat. “You’ve got this, Tien. Just take a deep breath, look at me, and follow my voice. You’ve done this before, you know the episode will pass. Just let it.”

The words are said so fondly. So lovingly. I cling to them and inhale deeply, expanding my chest as much as I can. It’s counterintuitive to get the oxygen flowing again though, as my entire body is tense and on edge. I’m already too deep, too far away from the surface, sinking and sinking despite the ray of sunshine that’s broken through the dark water. It’s simply too late for me.

Hands clasp both my ears, their cool, long fingers gently rubbing the tips.

Everything becomes muffled, like it’s no longer looming around me and threatening to swallow me whole. I shiver and gasp, clasping the black fabric that’s hiding me from the world.

“That’s it. Focus on me. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you. You are safe. I know it’s a lot, but you can do this.”

Fire blazes within me, clearing in seconds the lingering terror as something sweet and demanding spreads through me. My gaze snaps up to the source of that authoritative but encouraging voice. Deep brown eyes stare at me, determined but slightly worried. Concerned, as if I am a fragile thing they need to protect at all costs.

Shuddering, I exhale. My entire body quakes from the force of it, but I can’t bring myself to look away from Aran. He’s captivated me since the first day I met him and nothing in the entire world can break his spell.

“I got this,” I whisper, tasting each word on my tongue.

He smiles in that overly subtle way that only he can do. My heart does a flip, banging so loudly I am sure he can hear it. Man, I want him to hug me so much . I want to have his arms around me, to feel his heat. I want to embrace him back, to bury my nose in his neck and breathe him in.

I want to touch him. To kiss him. To feel him. I want to drive him so crazy he can’t exist if he’s not near me.

“I think you should kiss me. Or I might pass out,” I tell him, running my tongue over my trembling lips.

His eyes narrow down to my mouth as he slightly leans in, and for a second I swear he considers it. But the moment passes too quickly, gone before it can truly settle. His hands drop from my ears and pat my shoulders, smoothing out my uniform. Then he steps back with a barely noticeable roll of his eyes and schools his expression into a perfectly intimidating scowl.

“This is not a game. We are risking a lot even by just being here. Too much depends on us, so if you can’t handle this, I need to know. I won’t hold it against you. I know you don’t do well in crowds, and I’m sure you can be just as useful from the cabin. Maybe you should—”

I press my lips into a line, mirror his intimidating security guard stance and face the loud crowd. This was the perfect moment to take our relationship to the next stage, but all I got instead was a scolding.

“I’m fine,” I grit out, not looking him in the eyes. “I just… I let the surroundings get to me. It won’t happen again.” I won’t let it, especially if tagging along as Aran pretends to be a security guard depends on it.

He opens his mouth to say something, but a pair of visibly tipsy guests approach us. I take that as a blessing since I really am not feeling like a lecture from him right now. I’m a little annoyed, yes. He could’ve handled this a lot better, maybe hugged me and told me how important my wellbeing is to him and how much he loves me.

But alas, the time for that isn’t today. Then again, we’ve still got two more weeks of this cruise left, and that’s plenty of time to turn the tables and make him realize he can’t live without me.